i.
You are so beautiful.
I was always so jealous of you
Because in my eyes,
You were the definition of perfection
You were everything
I ever wanted to be.
ii.
You managed to break me completely.
I was so whole before you
I loved and trusted freely
Without putting up any guards
And after you managed to rip apart
Every last shred of my happiness
And darkened the light in my eyes
I have never been able
To trust fully again.
iii.
I loved you.
I loved you so ******* much
You were my best friend
God, of course I loved you
How could I not?
iv.
You hurt me so much.
As if it wasn't enough
That you broke my heart
You broke my self-esteem as well
And now, most of my demons
Have the sound of your voice
So although we haven't spoken since
I sent you that birthday text,
I see you almost everywhere I go.
v.
I miss you.
Actually, I don't.
I don't miss
How ****** you made me feel or
Our arguments at 1 am or
How you would ignore me
For days and weeks on end or
The times you called me a *****.
I don't miss any of that.
I do miss who you used to be,
Before the voices took over your mind
When we would dance in the rain
And I would hold you as you cried
And we had midnight chats
About anything and everything
When your sisters were like mine
And my house was like yours
I miss who I was
Before you ruined me.
vi.
And even after all that,
I still love you.
I hope you know that.
I hope your arms are no longer
A criss-cross of scars and lines
And you've started to love yourself.
vii.
And as I sit here
With my mind full of you
I hope that some days,
You sit down and your mind
Is full of me, too.
This is everything I should've told my old best friend, and didn't.