If freckles were angel kisses would you give me more than i have?
if bruises were faerie kisses would you make me a multicolored green blue and purple mess?
would you do me the favor of showing me how much you love me with the hurt?
let me know i mean something to you with each mark
i crave the pain and the trauma please give it to me let me feel normal again
help me to feel anything at all

Was it she who took you from me?
She who filled your mind with falsities?
She who painted me with blacks and red, when you knew in your heart that we were yellows and blues?
She never did like me, but I can't tell you how much it hurts that she would get through to you this much.
My life was planned around you and i'm not so sure that i can draft more plans.
A bottle of whiskey and a handgun are much cheaper than a flight, but I was willing to buy that flight.
She is unbelievably good at telling you how to feel, I just wish you knew how to tell yourself.
Will I see you in heaven?
You were always my angel.
And I, your god.
I thought I could make my own heaven down here with you.
You crafted me a Hell, not one with fire and demons.
One with lies and heartbreak.
One of sleepless nights and sunken eyes.
One of empty stomachs and full minds.

a thousand lies?
its chill dont worry
cheating?
its chill dont worry
jealousy?
its chill dont worry
mistrust?
its chill dont worry
disappearing for long periods of time?
its chill dont worry
pushing me away?
its chill dont worry
im slowly starting to decay?
its chill dont worry
breaking my ******* heart?
its chill dont worry
pulling the trigger on my dad's rifle?
It's chill, don't worry.

As the clock ticks
And the crickets sing

As the days pass
And my needs rise

As my heart aches
And my eyes bleed

Your arrival is close
And my joy overflows

Now we’re together
The worst is over

As we have this moment
And the wait was worth it

As I have your hugs
And all your love

The days go by
And it’s time to say goodbye

As the tears storm
And the worries return

I’ll be yearning
Till you’re with me again

my god is in a four hour long phone call
my god is in my lovers laugh
my god is the smoke drifting out the window
my god is stolen kisses
my god is a dull pocket knife
my god is passing out in my clothes
my god is love letters
my god is sunken eyes
my god is stealing from the liquor cabinet
my god is a ripped pair of blue jeans
my god is sneaking out at night
my god is making out in the park
my god is heartbreak
my god is listening to music too loud
my god is walking on the edge of a cliff
my god is a cold beer
my god is a pack of cigarettes
my god is a broken mirror
my god is a blood soaked towel
my god is dreaming of them
my god is waking up in a sweat
my god is teardrops on your pillow
my god is burnt flesh
my god is broken knuckles
my god is blood in the sink
my god is broken glass
my god is unanswered prayers
my god is unanswered texts
my god is a rifle
my god is a bullet
my god is darkness

I’ve burnt through so many cigarettes that
my mother would be ashamed of me.
And I could blame my father
for leaving his 100’s by his wallet and keys,
giving me the nicotine for free.

What will it cost him, though?

My lungs were becoming his lungs.
It’s frightening how a vice
turns into an addiction
that turns into an idol
that turns into malignancy.

I watched him hold a lighter.
I watched him hold the cancer between his fingers.

I’m watching him turn into the ash
that fills the ash tray sitting in our backyard.

It’s funny how weak one sees another
when one has overcome a dependency.

Put down the matches,
and give your lungs a break.