it’s not that i don’t trust you
i just have trust issues
i guess i’m trying to say it’s not you
it’s me
or does that just sound too cliche?

How do you explain
The notion of a breath?
Would you describe it as the ease
With which his cedarwood undertone swirled
In and around your nose? Or the satisfaction
Of having him set off every nerve in your core?

Perhaps a breath is simply the eagerness
To take him in; to be completely consumed by
His trace of leather and oak;
To inhale the taste
Of merlot and cigarettes
That dances on his tongue.

You crave
One more breath of his sweet
Perfume to ease the poison now
Filling your veins, your heart;
A wild fire in your lungs grows
That only he can extinguish.

He is the sweetest air and
You gasp for him,
But he does not answer,
He merely lets you consume him,
Selfishly, until he is nothing
And everything,
As your lungs continue
To reluctantly swell
And depress in perfect rhythm
With his beating heart.

I will become water,
Bearing the ocean
Of her colors.

© 2014 J.S.P.

We never say, "I love you."
The words always get stuck somewhere between our hearts and our tongues. Forcing us to swallow our affection, and replace the phrases that seem so hard to say with words that are much easier to get out.

Instead of "I miss you." we say "*******."
The distance makes us distraught, as we toss knives at the one person we never want to push away.

Instead of "I trust you." we ask each other to check our phones, because there's nothing on there I don't want her to see.

Instead of "I need you." we look at colleges together.
The idea of leaving each other is so implausible that we spend our time designing our future apartment. Each draft has one shared detail- a wooden bunk bed, so we can fall asleep to the sound of the other's breathing, the reassurance that we  will never have to be alone. The reassurance that I will never have to live without my other half.

We never say, "I love you."
We do not need to.
We say it with every sarcastic comment, every inside joke, shared memory, favorite song, every inhale, and every exhale.

I miss you.
I trust you.
I need you.

We never say, "I love you."
Either that, or we never stop saying it.