sometimes in my omnipotent self, i will break and bruise the sky. colors start to pour out and i am happy, but this isn't me. i am out of control. i play in the sky without fear of consequence and steal the sun of its light. in these moments, i am flying and my insides are burning. i make a wish for this to never end. i am flying until i crash and become human again. humans are messy and i feel nothing but lost amongst the crowd. i search for myself in clouds of smoke and burning liquid and the reflection of his eyes. his troubled past and bad intentions makes me feel like maybe he can understand who i am and who i thought i was and the blurred line between the two, but we're leveling on different emotional states, and all i can be is an added number. time goes on and i become apart of the ****** up people that's been in his life. i forgot again. i forgot when I'm like this I only amount to a storm. and they keep telling me how violent my presence can be. so i close my eyes in prayer that i will open them to the sun i dread to see. sometimes i do, and we start all over again.

dont you wish you could do something right?
all you wanna do is have ***
with your friends
with strangers
remember when you used to have standards?
But now you just wanna feel something besides
the sadness weighing you down
that makes you feel like
showering in the morning is an accomplishment
bonus points if you actually wash your hair

how well can you be doing?
all you think about is killing yourself.
you think about it all the time
when you shower in the morning and when you go to sleep at night
you think about suicide when you're having *** and
wonder if anything will ever feel right.

And you tell everyone everything is ever great ever green.
how are you still breathing?

she keeps her head between my legs
And I scratch my nails across her back
she tells me I'm made of candy when we're like this
But all the time I'm a bitter drink that can't be stomached.
She says she'll **** me because I'm emotionally capable
its my treat for being an absolute head case.
Because when I walk through I am quiet
So quiet you almost don't notice your heart on the ground.

don't act like you didn't have your eyes glued to me
we were sharing a cigarette and making fun of our past
talking about her without speaking a name,
and i could tell you were falling apart trying not to fall in love.
she's such a terrible person,
does it make me better if i'm really apart of her plan?

how do i go anywhere
when i'm stuck
in the tide of the current
struggling in the deep end?
how do i go anywhere
when i'm addicted to
the pain the scratches at me
and drags me back in?

.
did you trick yourself into an illusion,
that popping pills and getting high
Is a sure fire way to make memories?
You're not euphoric anymore when you take them,
You're not any thing anymore all the time
and you honestly can't remember a thing.
You're strung out and you talk too much.
The bags under your eyes are a gracious touch

You're bragging about feeling amazing but
When was the last time
You felt alive?