I know that no one my age knows what they're doing
but that does nothing to comfort me at all
I don't know if my decisions are right
I don't think anyone really does

But I feel like my choices have set me on a path
that I can't stop going down
and everything's moving too fast
and I can't even stop to look around

But, at the same time, I just want to get
where I'm supposed to be going

This is what scares me the most,
more than the uncertainty inherent in my youth,
that I'll never stop feeling like I'm on a train
that never slows down
and I won't reach my final destination
until I'm dead
and in the ground.

I am a coward and you are a giant
When I close my eyes, I see you smiling
I can't help but think that we deserve a shot
But quickly chide myself for entertaining the thought
Because I am a coward and you are a giant
When I see your face, I can't stop smiling
I think of the way your hand sat on my shoulder
And what we could be if we were a little older
But I am a coward and you are giant
And the universe has no regard for timing
Maybe someday I'll finally be brave
And say this out loud to your face
Today I'm a coward and you are a giant
And if I said I could move on I'd be lying

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let me go
let me float
in the pool by myself
till I sink to bottom
like the stone that is my heart
maybe as the chlorinated water fills my lungs
I’ll finally have some clarity
as the blue water fades to white maybe
I'll finally know how to do what’s right

there's nothing
quite like
being inexplicably sad
because what seems to be
so obvious
is impossible to put into words
for yourself
let alone for the world

I'm tired of tricking myself into thinking
that what I'm doing will result in anything other than
crushing defeat shattering disappointment failure
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, three times, every time
Perhaps I should consider a different approach a different hobby
besides misplacing my affections and misreading social cues

I've found that I lie so often
that the truth has become hard to tell
To all the people I've hurt
Worry not, they've saved me a spot in hell

I'll say that we share a favorite movie
Even if I've never even seen it
It's so much easier to say
"I love you" when I do not mean it

I'm sorry to the people I care about
Who have no idea how I feel
Trust me, the less I say to you
The more likely that my love is real.