You're ******* me up,
And tearing me down.
You throw me around,
So I might spare the whole town.
But I don't give a ****
About the ones with a frown.
I'll only spare the ones
Bestowed with the crown.
But you can't make this crown
For the ones with a frown,
Because the ones in this town,
They are solely unsound,
And can't turn it upside down,
To sprout life from the ground.
Not for you, not for me,
You'll eventually see.

And what happens here,
When you turn them all loose?
They all run wild,
Like a lonely stray goose.
But, you see, when you pull out
The notorious noose,
Stability and order,
Is all they dare to produce.
They just can't turn away,
From the hatred and dismay,
They can't sort out the disarray,
Without rules in play,
And as humans of clay,
They'll slowly decay,
And no matter how much you plea,
They'll drown in their own sea.

They lust and they ****,
And they fornicate.
They deceive and they lie,
And obey with closed eyes.
They **** and destroy,
With the men they deploy.
And the ones who take lead,
Are compelled by their greed.

But I'm not going to lead,
I'm no kind of dictator,
I fall more easily along
The lines of a perpetrator.
I glory in chaos,
And overpower creators,
Of their "society" and "order",
I spawn black ash and deep craters.
But I'm not always insane,
Sometimes I like peace,
And I'll take any great lengths
For disorder to cease.
I isolate myself from them,
And only watch as they fall.
Hell, if it weren't for you,
I'd have killed them all.

But you're not the same,
You're gentle and sweet,
You give them endless chances
Because your faith won't deplete.
And even with me,
That I'm not quite concrete,
You give me your heart
That I struggle to complete.
And so just for you,
I contain myself,
And work to keep my worst
Up on the shelf,
Try to bring out my best,
And let my soul shine through,
It's the only thing I think
Might bring me closer to you.

'Cause in my eyes,
You're all that I need,
You're the only I want,
For whom I would plead.
So I leave myself defenseless,
And simply out of affection,
I make you my one weakness,
The only one crowned in perfection.

I don't know what this is.
I thought I didn't think of you that way.
I can stand to be around you,
And not feel anything special.

But it's when you do certain things,
Or when you look at me a certain way,
That I just can resist you,
To want to kiss those pretty lips.

I don't know why.
We are in the past.
I don't see you that way.
You don't see me that way.

But sometimes what you do to me,
I just can't understand,
You're doing something I can't get used to,
And it doesn't seem you even realize it.

What is this,
Just what is this?
I'm not sure what I want,
For you to stop or not.

You're not making me happy like you used to anymore.
Things don't seem the same as they were before.
I don't want to give up because I know this can work,
But it seems like my mind is regressing to the dark.
You've been quite a wonderful person to me,
And I can't comprehend why now it seems to be
That you have lost interest and now just conform,
Like you're just playing along, just riding out a storm.
If you're tired, please say so, 'cause I don't want to weigh,
You need not be so kind, every single day.
Don't pretend that you're here when you've already left,
And me keeping you near is little less than theft.
I can't read your mind and I can't feel your soul,
But I'm not one that you should have to console.
If you want to, stay with me, and please don't leave,
But if this is pity, then don't stay, I won't grieve.
For clearly what I saw may very well not exist,
But I won't just automatically mark myself off your list.
I want you to be you, and to speak only truth,
Because that's how I am with you, I can give you proof.
But this isn't an argument, I just want to know,
Wether you really want to stay, or would rather just go.

I think there's something wrong again.

I think I'm dependent again.

I think somewhere along the way I fell back into the hole.

I hope I managed to get at least a finger onto the edge.

That way I can at least pull myself back up,

Before I reach the bottom.

This doesn't feel right,
To not bid you a good night.
But I told you before,
I may not have time anymore.
I want to stick to my word,
So you'll know that I'm true,
But does it really matter now,
That I'm falling for you?

Not all promises are good,
So be broken some should.
I beg, please trust me still,
As with love, this night fills.
Every precaution must be taken,
To make sure you don't forget,
What's been happening here,
Every day since we met.

So can you tell me right now,
In clear detail just how,
You want me to be,
Until each other we see.
I've been trying my best,
To not take all of your day,
But not neglect you either,
So is this okay?

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it