I don't like being alone. I never have. It's quiet and silent and I swear the only thing I can hear is my own brain talking to me saying weird things. I can now hear my worrisome heart throbbing and pounding in my chest. My wary hands quiver and it makes it so hard to hold this pen. My eyes swell up with sadness and I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate being sad and nervous and and this anxiety. I hate it. I'm tired of this. Not just this feeling but with feeling in general. People think that a lot of sad people just want to feel something. But I'm so sad and I just want to feel nothing.

The way I feel hurts more than it makes me happy. Always scared for the next second. Your are like the sun that shines on a cold morning to wake me up from what I wish we're an eternal sleep.
You're the reason I keep going. You're the only reason but you don't know that cause I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I'm so hesitant of you. I'm so scared.

I'm scared of stupid things like water, bugs, and I am terrified of scary movies. But what I am most scared of is YOU. You are the scariest of them all. You are scary because you're not scary at all. You're scary because you have this power. You're scary cause no one sees how scary you are. Just me. I'm scared because I love you. I'm scared because you can make me so happy and yet so sad. I'm scared because I've never felt THIS way. I mean I thought I had but it wasn't real. I'm scared because I am so in love with you. For so long I thought love wasn't real cause everyone said it wasn't but I've come to find out it is. And it is evil. It is evil. It is so ******* evil. But even so, I love it.

I say that I dont need clingy or like it but I'm kinda a sucker for clingy. I love being shown someone cares I love being constantly kissed and hugged and held and just have contact. I ou e being told you love me and I love being told I'm cute or attractive. I love when you grab my ****. I love clingy and I know you aren't one to be clingy but dang I'm so clingy. I like when you talk to me and I like being complimented. I love singing to you ****** songs that I make up while I go. I love loving you. You don't have to be clingy but I like that ****.

I'd write stories for you
Where you are my character
And how you made me
Fall in love and made me new

I'd write poems endlessly
About the way you smile
And the way you sing
And how much I love your eyes

I'd write songs to sing
About how my heart beats
About how my heart sings
Your name in a beautiful melody

I won't stop writing about you
About how can you make me feel blue
Then make my day
By just passing my way

If words are the only medium
On how I can tell the world
How I love hearing my name on your lips passing through
Then stopping in writing, I won't

If this is the only way
To say how much you make me feel
Then through night and day
My pen and paper will be in contact still

If these words will
Make the world hear
Of how special you are to me
Then writing about you it is

"It's not you, It's me."
such clichéd lines to be told.

I can still remember the look on your face
when you sighed and let loose all your demons
The curve of your lips slowly taking the form of a
crescent moon turned upside down.
The glitter I used to see in your eyes were no longer there
instead, I saw a pool of clear water finding its escape
through your eyes I used to call *mine
But then, in the middle of your unending gaze
I lifted my hands to meet your once warm cheeks
only to collide with your now moist cheeks probably wet from crying


It was when I was cupping your face in my hands
I finally felt how cold you were under my touch
how you try to loosen our tight clasped hands
how you try to look away whenever I try to see your soul through your eyes

how it took you a long time to respond to my i love yous

as clichéd as this may be
it was you, not me
who turned our little something to mere nothing
*and I hate you for that