I miss you,
I miss your good morning texts,
Your messages lighting up my phone,
The special ringtone I had for you,
Calling you mpenzi -
Because that’s what you are,
My darling.

I miss your voice,
Your laughter,
The warmth in your words.
I miss how we spoke of everything,
How we made each other feel alive.

I miss your kind heart, beautiful soul and spirit.
I miss your wild ambitions,
Your endless *** of kindness,
Your relentless singing of love ballads after your favourite drink,
And your desire to truly be a great person.

I miss Kivuli’s sweetest face,
The comfort you both brought me
Whenever I was lost in sadness.
I miss your smooth, dark skin,
Your handsome face,
Your gorgeous body in all its glory,
Your kindness and gentleness.
Your laughter.

I miss how natural we were together -
Effortlessly almost.
Perhaps that’s what went wrong,
Was it too easy, and is life not?

I miss the hope we shared,
The late-night conversations,
And the way your deep voice
Would echo through my heart.
What happens now?
I don’t know.
But I miss you with every fibre of my being.
I haven’t stopped loving you -
And I don’t know if I ever will.
Come back to me, mpenzi.
Come back to us.

Two months passed,
And then I saw you again.
My heart raced beneath the surface,
But I had to keep it hidden,
The excitement buried under the weight of what we’ve lost.
We're no longer together,
Yet I still feel tied to you -
As if the thread of our love never snapped.
I wonder, will I ever stop caring for you?
I wanted to hold you,
To kiss you,
To rewind time and start fresh.
Why didn’t you ask me to stay?
I could see it in your eyes that you still care for me,
You still feel for me what I feel for you,
Yet we just didn’t make that step…

To forgive each other,
Embark on forever,
Live in our own world,
Loving each other,
Discovering more remarkable things about each other.

I wanted you to show me Malawi,
I wanted to travel with you,
Build memories,
Relive moments,
Laugh together,
Play with Kivuli,
Cook together,
Watch the sunset,
Snuggle,
Fall asleep together.

Yet I’m now on a plane back home, and I don’t want to leave,
I want to run back and jump into your arms,
And stay there forever.
What if I just turn back?
Will you think I’m crazy? Please ask me to stay.
Yet I didn’t move,
And the plane took off -
Is this longing just a dream?

Is this the hardest thing I’ve ever done?
Watching us crumble,
The foundation we built
Now cracked,
Splintered,
Like my heart.

Heartbreak isn't new,
But not like this -
I’m shattered and wrecked.

You're my confidant,
My mpenzi,
My darling,
My handsome man,
My kindhearted super achiever,
Joyful, yet so melancholic
Emotional, yet so light-hearted
Strong and vulnerable,
Brave,
But also so afraid,
What are you so afraid of, darling?

I wanted to shield you from the hurt,
Seeing you break shattered me in ways I couldn’t express.
My tears never came,
Only the sharp, silent ache,
A dagger twisting deep within.

Why do we have to say goodbye?
You belong in my heart
And I in yours.

I don’t know what comes next,
But I wish we could turn back -
Undo this hurt.

Yet, I wonder: do you truly love me?
Or are you afraid to admit it,
Caught in a complicated web?

Still, I love you,
Beyond all doubt.