He stretched out his hand
& Caught Me.
That's how I fell into the abyss.

It’s raining,
And I wish you were here.
Because, and I know it’s cliché,
But I’m falling a lot harder
Than this rain, and dear,
It’s torrential here.
But these sheets of rain
Remind me of the sheets we share,
And I’d just as quickly
Wrap myself up in them
If I thought you were in there, too.
It’s 101° there.
But here it’s raining.
And I miss you.

Every expectation sits on all ten finger tips
how do you even
grab
one

the morning is a cold clean shower
making me happy to be alive
the brain is a lovely washcloth

Don't listen to that voice
The one within your mind
That tells you everything is going to be okay

Because it's not

You know it's not

You struggle every day and every night
Always tired of this fight
It draws you in and lures you too far
Then you're trapped and there's no going back
So why bother?

Why bother?
Why care?
It's not like anyone is there
To hear you cry out for help
Or to see you reach out desperately

So you sit there and you cry

Until the one you truly love comes along
To pull you back from the depths of the hell within your head

I still pine
       for what I’ve lost
               the promise and
                               fulfillment.

I still search my memory
                for hidden fragments
                                 of that treasure.

     Time has covered
                some of them in
                            shadows of nostalgia.

     But the flaming pain
                        still brightly burns and
                                      tears will not extinguish it.
                        ljm

La tinta verde crea jardines, selvas, prados,
follajes donde cantan las letras,
palabras que son árboles,
frases que son verdes constelaciones.
Deja que mis palabras, oh blanca, desciendan y te cubran
como una lluvia de hojas a un campo de nieve,
como la yedra a la estatua,
como la tinta a esta página.
Brazos, cintura, cuello, senos,
la frente pura como el mar,
la nuca de bosque en otoño,
los dientes que muerden una brizna de yerba.
Tu cuerpo se constela de signos verdes
como el cuerpo del árbol de renuevos.
No te importe tanta pequeña cicatriz luminosa:
mira al cielo y su verde tatuaje de estrellas.

shame
shame
shame
shame
why is it
that I feel you all day
its like every moment
your shrinking in the back of my mind
wanting me to collapse for you
but no
I absolutley  refuse to
its like the shadows
I feel ashamed that
I feel mostly gay
but I crave a man's touch
but that I feel my attraction is very different towards men
than the way that society tells me that it should be
I just feel so much shame still
that I am so different than others
and while I am working so so hard
on loving and accepting myself
the shame aspect comes up
it feels so hard
so I coddle myself in my shame
and try to embrace it
knowing that with time
it will fade away.

Scattered books and pens
A noose hanging from the roof
The ink running dry