Ready player one?
Hit start, the game has begun
Taking every shot
Anxiety on the rocks

Getting tired of beginning
Favorites are boring
Color, season
Music, the reason

Until that lucky jump
Finally leveling up!
And then talks get deep
And every fall is steep

Every tiny victory
Building false security
Three lives left, failure far
Talking of houses, kids, and cars

Standing at the threshold
At the final stronghold
Armed with a ring
Fearing nothing

Then he pulls the cord
The connection felt goes cold
Hope without substance
It's just you and the ashes

Robbed of even a game over
You restore the game's power
As a level one encore
That still dreams of the highest score

The sky cried
The day I realized
With all the goodbyes
I'd lost my will to rise

All I'd trusted were gone
Three had moved on
Two had withdrawn
One had played me like a pawn

I began to rome
Soul broken and alone
Heart as cold as chrome
Realizing I had no home

Our moments are places
That belong to you and me.
Ones hidden better
Than any treasure

For only you and I
Can ever come back here
And relive this world
We built together

Nobody wants broken people
Their cracks keep them from holding
A job, a love, a life together

Their sharp edges
Hurt the ones who try to hold them from
Giving in, giving up, falling apart

And while they try to fix themselves,
The world moves on, holding its head high
Missing the misery at its feet

The world is splendid
Just become some words exist
And elicit pure emotion like

Sinister and Sundance
Miserly malevolence
Traipsing troubadors
Effervescence and efficacy
Roguish racketeering
Peevish, and prismatic
Incandescent and inundated
Flippant, frivolous, fictitious
Beleaguered and boarish
Opulent and obstructive
Gaunt and Gallavanting
Visceral and villainous
Whimsical wanderlust

A list that could flowing infinitely
And thankfully it does

●●●●
There are too many darks clouds today
●●●○
So I turn on sunny-sounding music,
●●○○
Close my eyes,
●○○○
And dream of summer
○○○○

Sometimes I walk by the world
Every note-worthy thing left unsaid

Until I remember it costs me
Nearly nothing to brighten someone's day

You were never looking at me
For there was so much
In the world to be seen

But I looked at you my friend
And saw the world
Through your eyes, like a lens

And saw a place I'd never imagined
In detail or expanse
And caught them in our fashion

A world to be developed
One that together we'd make better
Held to our hearts, enveloped

Why can the world

Still fall to ash

When the finish line just barely

Came within your grasp?

A Fairytale Opening Of perfect Love
All Forgiving Offenses, Opaque Lenses

Until

All Fault On me, Offering peaceable Lies
And Feeling Outcast as Opposed to Lover

So I leave broken, having learning a lesson
I was A FOOL for loving you

"Just marry him already!
What are you waiting for?"

Except I am not the brakes here
I'm not in control

He has the wheel
And isn't sure of the destination

So I'll bear my soul
And then be prepared for the distance

☆☆☆
You hide behind the scenes
Capture the world as it's seen
☆☆☆
But somehow
☆☆☆
Though you have an eye for beauty
You still can't see your own clearly
☆☆☆

I pick up my brush
to a paint a master piece
I work on my art
While my art works on me

I paint a women on white
While outside of my focus
The paint holds the brush
And stains me into a canvas

I was waiting for my fear to dissipate
Before I let in love and fate

I waited and waited patiently
Til even Time starting rushing me

And now I stand at a crossroads
Of braving love in fear or being alone

So I'll take the right road at the bend,
Fight my fear, and hope to find you at the end

You need love
Like you need air
You can only hold
Your breath for so long.

If you disagree,
It's cause it's time
For you to take a breath

I feel therefore I write
Write until I understand
It doesn't turn the wrongs to rights
But peace is the ink that stains my hands

We were a world
"Of grin and bear it"
And of silent pain
Until tables turned, rules shifted

Now everyone speaks
Shouts out into the distance
But with all the noise
Still, no one can listen

There is nothing
like the wonder
A curious soul feels
When they come
To a new idea
Molded in lead
Housed in paper
And filled with
Imagination

Maybe I can't change the world
But I can change how I see it
And no one can take that from me

So I choose to see the good

Perhaps I am a victim of circumstance
But then why would I give away more
And let another decide how I will react

So I choose to laugh in the rain

Instead of adding to it

I cannot help the blind to see
like my God from up on high
but I can help another believe
light can be found 'neath a clouded sky

I cannot cause the deaf to hear
no matter how hard I try
but I can listen to another's fear,
be the shoulder on which they cry

My Lord can cause the dumb to speak
and free them from their silence
And prehaps I can talk with the bleak
speaking words that may give guidance

Some souls are trapped in the darkest night
And never could I bring freedom
But while the Lord shines out His light
I can show them his great kingdom

Others stumble on their uneven roads
And I cannot be their path
But I can bring them to the Lord's abode
Bringing The Way within their grasp

I wasn't made to raise the mountains,
Or become mighty like the sea
but perhaps I can be a little fountain
saving not the forest, but at least a tree

With words, I am building

A hostel for my wandering thoughts

A house for my happy memories

A home for my deepest hurts

And a castle for my grandest dreams

I want to stay in the place
Where the wind holds sway

Where I can whisper my story
And with a whoosh he'll wisk it on it's way

From my cheeks, he'll brush tears
And with my hair he will play

He'll whistle a quiet tune
Until I drift to sleep where I lay

You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful

Stain glass is a broken mess
Until it's arranged and aligned
And finally allowed to shine

New Year, but no new you

Just be the same you

Who fails and tries again
'Till your face is blue

Because the year will come that
You see that you’re better than new

You'll be a diamond, no rough
Your worth, finally, in full view

The fireworks soar so high
They burst and scatter embers
Some fall to the ground
Others catch in the black cloak sky
They eat through the fabric slowly
These coals twinkling all the while
But we just call them stars

I have never been a social creature
And as such was of a make and model
Of my own refined design
It made me unique but now
As I have let loose the words of my mind
I find it ever harder to remain myself
To distinguish which words are mine and which are manufactured to please others

Alright brain, we have time to ****

And a creative quota to fill

It's your fault that words

Make me feel happy and heard

So make my feelings tangible

Something I can hold, something manageable

I stepped away from the world
To fill the holes in my soul

Only to come back to find
Your life in ruin and strife

I tried to help but you
Couldn't comprehend where I'd been

...So we parted ways...

But sometimes I wonder
How you'd have fared, if I'd been there?

If maybe...it was my fault

When I was young
I learned of my inky blood
My paper bones, and graphite mind

When I was young
I wrote to please my family
Who loved words even if they were mine

When I aged
And the world grew strange
I wrote for me to understand that time

When I aged
And those words were for me
I was scared to share those precious things

Now I am old
And am starting to share
The words that have been trapped inside

Now I am old
And still young at heart
Wondering if others will appreciate my art

I wrote what I felt
I never said it was right
Off key notes still ring
And I still hope to be heard

My world didn't end when we did


We both got an "after"


The only difference is yours is happy


And mine isn't over

I thought I was smart enough
Not to fall back in the same hole
So why am I here again? Why,
Do I keep ripping up my own soul?

"Have hope, don't give in"
but here I am again, burned
Stop telling me you care,
I'm tired of watching your back, turned

I'll never belong with you, that's the lesson
Maybe this time, I'll have actually learned

I needed someone to listen
So I wrote out my mind
Gave it rhythm and rhyme
And sent it out to be heard

I was honest at a distance
And I was happy with that
As months then years passed
For a poet is there anything more?

That's when I met you
You took me by the hand
And the adventure began
A journey without a destination

We danced in the sunsets
We fell with the stars
Orbiting, never too far
Each day rising to new heights

Then I was gone for a moment
And in that distance
There was an instance
When I realized I hadn't been writing

Nothing feels quite the same

As walking through a city

Papered in all the old memories

That made you happy


Where past and present blend

Into a new kind of "when"

If you ever wonder how much I love you?

Remember I saw that cliff
Long before I jumped off it
And believed that you would catch me

But you didn't and I broke
And there your heart awoke
And oh my love how you grieved

You put your everything
Into my rebuilding
Until I was whole again

Now I knew the pain
But also how you've changed
So I jump, for belief in a different end

I saw you today
And my eyes were totally clear
I saw you today
And they didn't fill with tears

Because

My heart felt you today
And it didn't ache and crack
My heart felt you today
And it didn't take me back

Because

My hands touched you today
And didn't long to linger
My hands touched you today
And didn't cling to your fingers

Because

My ears heard you today
And didn't hang on the sound
My ears heard you today
And I didn't hear the blood pound

Because

My feet passed you today
And didn't wait for you
My feet passed you today
And didn't run for you

Because

My mind thought of you today
And didn't drag up the past
My mind thought of you today
And told me it was over at last

Sweet kettle scent
And sugar clouds
Blinking color lights
And jaunty music loud

Catch a fish
Off the rim
Pop the balloons
So close try again

Sit and spin
Sit and soar
Sick and dizzy
Let's go once more

From light to dark
Hot to cold
One more ride
Around and slow

Share a secret
Share a kiss
Spy a star
And make a wish

Blue, green,
Red and white
Carnival lights
wink out of sight

The rides all sleep
The music fades
Can't wait for tomorrow
For another fair day

Have you ever met someone
And, as you got to know them, thought
"Oh so this is what 'beloved' looks like"?

I have and
Now I understand

Do you think it hurts more
To suffer in silence,
when an answer is possible?

Or to finally speak up,
to not be understood and
return to a quiet sigil?

I don't know how to respond
You say so many things
Things that should be helping
but that's the painful thing I'm learning

How can I help?
How are you doing?
What's wrong inside your mind?
How can we fix it this time?

And I don't know the right answer
Because an "I don't know" given in earnest
Enough times repeated, you'll lose interest
but my battle is just as potent, eternally unended

So I think my way down all my maze's dead ends
Looking desperately for a new bend
Until my phone screen goes black
And it's just me, alone, staring back

You need this mountain
This new trial, this next "what then?"
Because a year ago or a few,
This hurdle would've tripped you
Then? You'd have given up or quit
Now? You're strong enough to surmount it

Proof comes in trials every so often
Of how we changed and how far we've gotten

It gives us the strength to keep climbing
To never give up, to keep on striving

You may think what you'd like to think
Choose whatever lens you'd like to view me
Happy, healthy, put-together, carefree
There are only two things that really means
Either you look and don't know how to see
The marks my mind left on my body
Or you are the audience of my scene
You see a dazzling smile, a gleaming sheen
All the pretty lights made for distracting
You view reality in this my crafted dream
So pick the poison that tickles your fancy
My deceit wasn't meant maliciously
Only meant to hide where I'm weak
and I guess it's working
They see only someone succeeding
Not the girl who is sinking