she loved the sunrise
all that hope promised
first light of a new day

I was always a sunset kind've guy
preferring to know it's all over
watching my anger and disappointment
drain from the sky

we're no longer together

days passed
and we never saw eye to eye

we should remain strangers
you and I
keeping secrets from each other
about our private lives
knowing becomes owning
then true love dies

we should tell lies
you and I
because honesty can be ugly
why spoil perfect days
truth be ****** in a blink
of your beautiful eyes

we should live apart
you and I
so we can miss each other
be lonely and pine
for the company
the other provides

we should see other people
you and I
we will always be unfaithful
so disappointment and failure
have already
broken our hearts

t.v. stole imagination
smashing it from my head
nothing left
for my mind’s eye
to see

drawn
a moth to a flame
violated
life in Technicolor
a movie
roll credits

Stillness
heat haze shimmering
distorting hedgerows and landscape
alive with nature buzzing, chirping, fluttering
continual motion,
though
we feel like lazing, resting not sweating
absorbing heat and radiation
drawn to beaches to sit like the terraced
houses we inhabit, still on each other's
doorstep next to a sea lapping the sand
bringing down walls of castles and mounds
built on the memories of childhood
we will one day treasure to measure
the enjoyment we will pass on
of halcyon days, in summer sun.

We have never been here before
explorers on a planet
undiscovered
since the sun rose at dawn

opportunity and possibility
confront us if we dare to grasp it
today is the first day of the future
a gem, untarnished by event
unwritten by tabloid hacks
unreported by roving news teams

no shot has rung out
no insult been hurled
or reputation tarnished
hatred and prejudice
are chosen paths we can avoid

this is a new day
this is the future
if we let it be

We are the recorders of history
weirdos, winos forgotten souls
sideline shadows watching
for someone to fall, so we
can write a verse or two on tragedy
twist it out of our tormented minds
to show we care in our special way
but we do not change the world
for if there were no misery
we'd run out of material to write about

mine is a faint light
easily blown out
disturbed by the slightest breath
to see it it has to be very dark
very still
almost nothing

mine is a tiny voice
for such a big man
easily drowned out
with the shouts
of everyday life
and the conversations
so much more important
than what I have to say

mine is an empty space
like a storage locker
before it becomes storage
a house before it becomes
a home
or a garage before
you buy a car

but one day my light may guide you
through your darkness
one day you may need to see the way
one day my voice will comfort you
being the only one you can hear
that says anything to you
and one day my space
may be all the space you need
to rest your head
collect your thoughts
gather your strength
so you can carry on
ignoring me again

all I want is to do, do ,do
but I'd like to smell the roses too

we encourage them
to carry on
as though the party
isn't over and everyone
that matters hasn't
already gone

the view from here is astounding
I can see lives stretching to the horizon
trapped in metal boxes in queues
saving time in luxury leather lined
vehicles each as individually angry
as the next person they’ll never know
or attempt to speak to in their life
but will gesticulate to in their ire
cut up at another set of lights
all set to go red on their way to

their boxes full of possessions
that make them unique all
bought off Amazon or similar sites
tasteful bespoke mass produced
obsolescence built in high tech
that they will never fully understand
having never read the instructions,
lined up one after the other like
soldiers or arranged in some
semblance of randomness that
makes as much use of real estate
as law and profit will allow

they will all spend their lives
trying to escape on holidays
to un-spoilt golden beaches
where concrete hotels are built
to accommodate their dreams
with a view of some sand full of
lobster red beer swilling, fish and chip eating
homesick people who wonder
why the local population can’t speak
their language or understand their
culture, lie in rows of individually
claimed real estate with towels
marking their little piece of paradise

none of them can understand why
I jumped, fell, ended my life
I must have issues of mental health
to even contemplate a way out
of this wonderful world we created
that takes us our whole existence
to earn enough to in the end pay
for, yet here I am ironically standing
on the balcony of a luxury apartment
complex built for modern families
who are looking for the best in life
my end manufactured for me from the
same concrete and glass paradise is made
from, tomorrow they will put up netting
to stop anyone else from escaping

if you have never experienced
a 5am sunrise

the world is just coming to life
the birds rise in song
mist rolls across the fields
and on rivers and ponds
lit by golden rays
you feel alive
welcomed
a door is opened for you to accept
a day you have not yet lived

before traffic for school runs
before executives
on their death dash
adrenalin flowing
road raging

you pass with the tranquillity
of ancient man
sun worshipper
hunter gatherer
time traveller

******* on a can of beer
I'm sure the answer's in here somewhere
diversion of my mind map
fools illusion, mirage'd secret
a child again
stupidly laughing
at the stupidest of things

I could conquer the universe
just as long as this bubble
remains unburst

my body starts to question though
just how far I'm prepared
to go
beyond the veil
beyond the pale
the edge of insanity
a dance with the devil

crash comes through
outer atmosphere
splashdown
of this spaceship
in a sea of pain and fear
what did I do last night
dare I answer that texted phone

You have them where you want them
Arms long enough to keep the distance
Measured in limbs rather than miles,
But really it's an attitude, state of mind
That you kid yourself you are someone else
Have grown beyond the childhood jibes
You are your own person, though damaged
The scars are easier to hide

Then they go and die on you
There is sadness and tears, but really
What I am crying for is me, for the life
I was denied. She never said she loved me
Was never proud of what I did or who I was
A source of disappointment even down to
Being a boy, I say the words I should have
Spoken, over and over in my mind.

I have spent my life so far
looking through a window
as the parade passes
searching for a door
some way in

to date this hasn't happened

stuck in purgatory
awaiting an official decision
of my fate

I patiently age
beyond recognition
having little of myself
left to give

I will know the sign
like an aneurysm in my brain
bursting to let my spectre escape
a change is  a-coming
but will I survive
my coming out

ideas trickle from my subconscious
with nothing to catch them
but a fountain pen
and notebook lined paper

they pool into an existence
like a small tide over which
I have no dominion whatsoever
spreading across the page

small seas of myself
without a moon to control them
slosh about until they somehow
make sense of each thought wave

then they begin their ebb and flow
haunting me with their sound
as they crash on an empty shore
where I'm a castaway of my words

what makes us want to dance
in sunlight
what abandonment is triggered
by the simplest of elements
in our ancient brain
that can bring joy
even in our darkest moments
a prisoner in his cell
a soldier fighting a living hell

what makes us want to dance
in starlight
what abandonment is triggered
in our ancient brain
by the celestial mantle
of the sky lit by sparks
already burnt out
shedding a light from
the dawn of time itself
that we still wonder at

what makes us want to laugh
at the simplest of things
to find mirth in a cat’s antics
a child’s play a stupid joke
you already knew
the punchline to anyway
why
because we should
no matter what shadows haunt us
no matter how hopeless it all seems
we are still human
in our hearts born to be free

is like someone
holding your ******* eyes wide open
shining a torch into your brain
everything revealed
no shadows
dark corners
hiding places
disguises
pretences
bolt holes
you are who you are
and all you want to do
is come up and drop out
turn the light out

stars scar the sky
etching diamond points
into the beautiful veil
that was once blackness
velvety soft

so we can navigate
foretell our fate
and wonder what lies beyond

pollute our minds
with fantasies of aliens
hope for our future
belief in a god

but the light we see is dead
long extinguished
taking millions of years
to reach us

we can stare into our past
all the way to our creation
but who knows what lies ahead
for sure

cocooned
surrounded by food
hibernating bear
waiting out a cold winter
Smaug on a pile of gold
secure
bolstered against the onslaught
of an unseen enemy assault
more provisions than Tesco
locked down
sweating on sell by dates expiring

bring them on
I can feel them in the wings
waiting
breath baiting me
with their memories
if I can take them one by one
I have a chance
but when they rush me
jostle and push me
then I fail
life becomes too much
and I have to reset myself

heavy hearts in empty homes
vacant seats on empty thrones
we travel for to be alone
the world revolves cold as stone
horizons draw us with our hearts
we have to see we have to know
but in the end we always find
we're better off among our own kind
the decibels ring in my ears
blank out the noise of inner fears
if we all shout that we are brave
perhaps none of us will be enslaved

the trees remember me
that short walk down an urban street
to primary school
now enclosed by panicked fencing
and paranoia security systems

I watched the seasons change
growing a little
in some respect every journey

my silent witnesses look the same
monoliths marking time
with bark and moss layers
roots entrapped in black cracked tarmac
where they were meant to wander free

my conscious return is by car
they cancel the careless carbon footprint
of this time traveller

I feel connected
as though an old movie
flickers among the boughs
of my diminutive figure
ghosting along the pavement
for a moment I am with him
tears unexpectedly blurring my eyes

you are fumbling about
sonar disabled
looking for a direction

everyone can see
where this is going
and it's not pretty

we wait
the friendship net outstretched
for your fall
from grace

the birds sing a little louder
each morning
or am I imagining it

dolphins have come to play
in the canals of Venice
along with beautiful white swans

nature is coming alive
no longer forced into the shadows

as we stand on the edge
of our extinction
I'm getting a feeling of
about time
and good ******* riddance

she arranged the words
like dying flowers in a vase
what once were beautiful blooms
full of meaning
a representation of their passion
had become just the same old letters
there to approximate
an emotion
putting the less shabby
to the front
hoping to gently communicate
that the whole ****** thing
was doomed to dust

the metal river flows
into ocean city
with bright lights
human rights
no mercy and no pity
past the world before we came
now roadkill and genocide
become our main aim
the future is today
the living moment
we are on our way
without a clue
of a final destination

give us this day our daily bread
sustained life is better than dead

we fight our wars
oppress populations
make us a game of it
on console by playstation
killing our conscience
with technological brain washing

a game of thrones
and ideology
I can tell the time
in over two thousand years
but I still can't tell
what day it is
people come and people go
the metal river
it flows and it flows

you never know how long
you have them for

experiencing a loss
so close to home
so recently
every visit becomes precious
an event on it's own

trying to make sense
of a life already spent
while trying to paint a future
of alone

and I wonder if
it will ever be me
waiting for a phone to ring
someone to call round
for tea

I sit with my dad
in a house full of dreams
that perhaps
were never fulfilled
for either him or me

are my dreams real or fake
from this sleep do I awake

fear swallows me

will this road ever end
this corridor hold a monster
at the bend
how deep is this watery abyss
how long do I fall from precipice
before ground comes up
to meet me

jolted into an altered state
I pull on garments that
are a uniform
to join an army of zombied rats
in commercial experimental maze

are my dreams real or fake
from this nightmare do I awake

we take this narrow
fragile flight into the light
ghosts even before we die
haunting the world
with fleeting moments
as we pass by
leaving memories and shadows
of our former selves
free in our limited way
to follow destiny

too many stories ending
shadows left on hearts
who grieve a selfish loss
pretending they can cope
knowing they are
a little more alone today
glimpsing the last page
epilogue epitaph preordained
we capture each new moment
determined to be unafraid

I put my eyes
where they had no business
imagined my thoughts
inside their minds
following
hand in hand down the street
while they whispered sweet nothings
shooting the breeze
young and innocent
old and disillusioned
beauty and the beast
I wanted their mystery
to steal it for myself
I wanted to be them
both
to feel that burn in my stomach
that pleasure lived in a moment
when nothing matters
everything is now
just being
looking into another face
and recognising it as though
you’d known them all your life
hold a sweating hand
for companionship not possession
before ***
the realisation of love
an end to the innocence

when night comes
I lie in it's cold grasp
swathed with darkness and fear

voices echo inside my head
telling me of my isolation
a wall I have built
with no strength to destroy

I see faces, blank masks
staring at my supine body
as though I were a corpse

there is no emotion in their eyes
nor recognition of my face
they pass as ghosts
as they pass me every day