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TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
WHY WARS?

Why wars? A mess of massacres,
hills and ravines of horror, bullets
tearing through human lives, bombs
blowing up bodies that lie on
bodies, torrents of blood pouring
like a river through flooded fields.
And for what? For forever? Why
wars?

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He just finished his novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
"Casablanca" is my all-time favorite movie.
I usually only watch a movie once. If it is a
great movie, twice. "Casablanca" I have
watched probably 50, 60 times. Why is that,
you ask? There are many reasons. Every
scene is iconic. Bogart, who was expelled
from Andover, the school from which I
graduated, is not handsome, yet he emotes
a singular masculine appeal. I wish there
were a real Rike's Cafe Americain. I would
go wherever it was, even though I neither
drink alcohol nor gamble. Virtually every
actor and actress plays her or his part in a
scintillating way. The story line keeps me
rapt, even though I have seen the movie
so many times The Paris scenes are the
most romantic I have ever seen. When
Bogart helps the young married couple
from Bulgaria get enough money to get
to Lisbon, then to America, by cheating his
own casino, my heart, too, is softened.
And the dialogue at the end of the movie
is trenchant, unforgettable. But, to be
honest, the most compelling reason I have
watched "Casablanca" so many times is
that when Ingrid Bergman and her movie
husband first enter Rick's, I instantly press
"pause." Then I spend as long as I wish
staring at Ingrid's face, the most beautiful
woman's face I have ever seen, and I have
had the good fortune to see many beautiful
faces of women up close in my life, but none
as radiant and mesmerizing as Ingrid's.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
The way that winter comes at me,
as if a stranger from a side street
cold and dark accosting me. I turn
my collar up, He hollers "You, there!"
Faster I walk, fear chilling me,
a lamp post but a grey ghost in the fog.
This ****, winter, mugs me. He hits me
in the face with frozen fists. He grabs me,
stabs me in the side with knives
of ice, slices at my heart, the home
of hope. Supine, frost forming on
my brow, I pray to boughs of willow
trees;  pines will sing my elegy. My mind
drifts like snowdrifts;  a mitten lost...
fingers, nose, toes frostbitten...
a lake of isolation...a sleigh with no
horse...a blizzard of insanity.
My blood thaws the frozen ground,
then freezes.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
MEMORIES OF MATTHEW MONREAL
AND GEORGE W. BUSH

It was election day. For some reason,
I had to leave class. I walked alone down
the hallway, then up the large staircase,
and as I was about halfway up, around
the bend came Matthew Monreal, him-
self alone. We paused on the stairway.
I said, “Matthew, how are you? Have you
voted today?” I was running to be president
of the sophomore class. I knew Matthew
from Roosevelt Jr. High. He was, I think,
the only Hispanic in school there. My
recollection was that he had few friends
at Roosevelt;  he was essentially ostra-
cized by his fellow classmates, especial-
ly the ones in the know, the ones who were
white, the ones who were upper-middle
class. But Matthew was my friend;  he
had always been my friend. It was not
lost on me how others treated him.
Throughout all my schooling--from grade
school through college--I had always
felt that way. I was ashamed of my fellow
classmates who treated anybody that way.
Matthew and I chatted for a few more
minutes, then bid each other a good after-
noon. I had other friends like Matthew,
essentially social outcasts because they
happened to be Black, or poor, or not
very bright, or different looking in some
peculiar way. But these, too, were my friends.
It was early fall, 1959. The next year, my father
would send me to Andover. But that evening
at an all-school function held in the cafeteria, I
found out I had been elected president of the
sophomore class at Topeka High School by
more than 800 fellow classmates. I think
Matthew had voted, and I think he probably
had voted for me.

George W. Bush and I were schoolmates at
Andover. George was two years behind me. I
never met him, I never knew him. George
should never have been at Andover because
he wasn’t very smart. He was a poor student
at Andover. But legacy raised its ugly head.
Papa Bush, who had also attended Andover,
and who became head of the CIA with
Noriega secretly on his payroll, then VP
under Reagan, then president of our country,
was George’s dad. And George’s granddad,
Prescott, was serving on Yale’s Board of Trustees
when George applied to Yale, so George got
in. George was a C student at Yale. But that
did not keep him from being accepted by Har-
vard Business School, where George continued
to be a C student. It’s common knowledge how
George and his henchman, Cheney, lied to the
American people about Iraq having weapons of
mass destruction, which meant we had a brutal
war with Iraq, not to mention Afghanistan, for years
and years and years, instead of never.

Of the two, I prefer Matthew.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate for his entire adult life. He recently
finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
DIRT POOR, SPIRIT RICH

I am dirt poor, spirit rich. I wouldn’t
have it any other way. Wealth is
not worth. When Jesus spoke to those
who gathered round him, he did not
tell them how to get rich. He told
them to love one another. This was
spiritual teaching of the highest
order. Do not confuse spirit with
religion:  they are antonyms. My
father wanted me to become rich,
very rich. That’s why he sent me
to Andover and Columbia. Instead
of becoming a Wall-Street lawyer,
I became, and remained, a poet and
a human-rights advocate. My life
could not have been richer. Religion
is man-made. Spirituality is heart-
felt. That is not to say religion
doesn’t have bits and pieces of
spirit in it, but religion to me means
the untold wealth and worth of all
world religions, while billions of
world’s human beings remain dirt
poor. When Jesus spoke to the
poor, he did not  speak to them at
the Vatican, in a cathedral, in a church,
or in a mosque. He spoke to them be-
side the sea or on a hill. If you have
spiritual truths to share, you can do
it in a vacant lot. The few years I
spent in a cathedral were vacant,
vacuous. The years I have spent with
the homeless, the hungry, the hopeless
have been rich and full. Where does
the Supreme Spirit spend her/his
time? The answer is she/he is omni-
present, as we all should be.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
FOR MY DEAR FRIEND, ****

I met **** when we both entered
Roosevelt Junior High School. In
9th grade, we both ran for Student
Council President. I beat him. We
both started on our city championship
basketball team, he playing one
forward, I the other. **** was smart
as hell. He sat right in front of me
in algebra class and got better grades
than I. I was told **** wrote a paper
about me in an English class some-
time while at Topeka High. I regret
that I never had a chance to read
it;  I left my junior year to attend An-
dover. One summer night before
college, **** and I doubled-dated.
His father had suffered for years with
manic depression and had spent a
number of years at Topeka State
Hospital. The night **** and I double-
dated, his father had gotten a pass
from the hospital to spend the night
at home. The next morning, I heared
that ****’s father had shot himself
in the head as he sat at the kitchen
table. **** attended KU where he
was elected president of Beta Theta Pi,
the most prominent fraternity on
campus. Years later in the fall of 1979,
I returned to Topeka from Phoenix.
I had heared that ****, too, had
fallen victim to manic depression.
His wife had divorced him. **** had
spent a long time at Topeka State
Hospital, shunned basically by vir-
ually all his former friends. I found
out where he was living and called
him. I was still his friend. In early
November, we drove through the
northeastern part of Kansas where
the leaves had turned beautiful
colors. Every Saturday morning,
I picked **** up to go have break-
fast together. Then we would re-
turn to his apartment where we
would spent the afternoon and
early evening playing cribbage,
watching old movies and sporting
events, and listening to Anne
Murray sing her many hits. ****,
over these years, used beer to
calm himself. He had a favorite
tavern he would go to. One
morning several years later, he
was found dead halfway home.
Nobody ever found out for sure
why he had died. He remains,
even in death, a dear friend of
mine.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Jan 2020
How is it that a girl who had never sung
a note through high school, but played the
drums as well, or better, than the best drummers
in the world, started singing, and almost
instantly became what Paul McCartney called
the most beautiful voice on Earth? It is a
miracle and a mystery.

Karen Carpenter was this girl. A drummer,
and one of the best drummers in the world?
And then, seemingly when she opened her
mouth, instantly to have the most beautiful
voice on Earth? But it's all true. Ask Paul
McCartney if you don't believe me.

And anorexia nervosa, which killed her
when she was barely in her early 30s?
When I think of Karen and her early death,
I see a meteor in the night sky flying by
for just a few seconds, wondrous, breath-
taking, then gone. But I have this glorious
streak on videos and watch and listen to
them over and over and over again.

Where did she come from and where did
she go, so fleetingly, so dazzlingly? I shall
never know the answers to these questions,
nor, I'm afraid, will anyone else.
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his first novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
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