i want to write
but it feels like  the things i want to say are in a another language
that even i can't understand
its not a bad thing
i dont think
just...
strange i guess.

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

i opened my eyes
i open my eyes
i will open my eyes:

i realized
i realize
i will realize:

* nothing is worth more than family *

TO MY DEAREST ONES:

MY SON NICHOLAS:
fan of dragons, buburacker, properer schelm, the best that happened to me. you are becoming me and yourself
i have been changing through you
indescribable love is in me for you my son.


MY DAUGHTER EDEN:
this verse is about the delight in your cheeks when you're smiling baby
one day i looked into your eyes for a long while this was our closest moment so far
indescribable love is in me for you my daughter

BEZA:
i truly apologize for all the bad things you had to deal with during my active dependency
you're a good mother: god bless you. i love you.

MOM and DAD:
i am made of you and i've been given a lot by you, my parents


TO MY DEAR ONES:

maria and barbara (believers like us)

christoph z. (the man with a great taste in music)

CHRISTOPH R. (wise and pervaded with love) & sandra

ELIAS (try to quit the gaming, young brüderle)

alin & valerie (the twins)

uncle günther (try to reduce your pod smoking much love)

aunt susanne (meet me on christmas much love)

andreas (all best to your mother, may she rest in peace)

cousin tina & lance (blessings by god and shem; an inspiration)

aunt marlies & uncle teddy & and their dog billy (empathy is the best medicine to live a good life)

aunt lotte (have never met you but would like to)

if i have forgotten anyone, please forgive me
God bless all of you
you are my family

MUCH LOVE
ICH LIEBE EUCH

YOURS
MAX a.k.a. MIKEY

Fear waits upon its prey
where the light is a shamefaced girl

wind is a fragmented guest
where silence fools the unwary

to chirp the birds forget
where the baiter might be the bait

the hush is not all white
as in that ever ruling night
blood is spilled without sound.

Forlorn as the lovers' lost track
meanders the creek
in moans for the lost
shedding its sighs to the tides.