It's the fraying nerves listening to passing sirens at three am
a long day spent distracted by the ringing in your ears
the hum of of your heartbeat like an alarm bell when you need sleep
drowning when you just want a moment of peace

A persistent companion,
darling anxiety

I wish I could wax lyrical about you
like I used to
write sonnets about the constellations
above the corner of Hyde Park
where we first met
the ground shaking beneath our feet
and my wine drunk honesty
as if we haven’t aged by a decade of disappointment
waiting on the same lies we tell eachother
falling out of love one letter at a time

It’s strange talking about work and the weather
as if we didn’t spend almost a decade
wrapped up in each other

Somewhere out on the water
talking about forever
as if it was just another Tuesday

You were always trying to teach me how to sail
but I never really listened
still I was in love with your voice
and the way you’d stop to kiss me
when I complained about the cold
till it didn’t matter anymore

Sometimes I wish we’d never come ashore
stayed out there where time didn’t matter
and nothing changed

We could have disappeared over the horizon
into the proverbial sunset
we would have stayed golden

I like traditions
reading the same book on holiday every summer
watching Frasier re-runs with my morning coffee
going to the same restaurant on my birthday
with the same seven friends
meeting at the pub on the corner
for a white wine buzz before heading to the city

Crawling back to you like I do every time
and promising myself I won’t

We are back to sleeping alone
centre of the bed
in places we used to call home

It feels empty
in a way it never did
before you shifted the mattress
before you stole the covers

It feels quiet
without the city on the outside
without you talking in your sleep

It all feels different
and so do I