what a brutal exchange of words
between long time friends
we're each grabbing on to our sharpest knives
fighting for our dear lives
to the death
we used to be mates, till death
do us apart
yet here we are, torn apart
you're using what i told you hushedly
as amour to shred me
as you attack me
and continue to attack me
i'm in awe
we made a vow
i trusted you once
i loved you once
wholeheartedly so
but we're at war now, so
my sword is my words
i do not mean to cause wounds
only to teach
only to reach
out to you, the level of distress
the merciless mess
you have caused me
how did we get here?
when did we get here?
we cared for each other
did we not, care deeply for each other?
you said i used you, i'm to blame
did you not do the same?
your bruised male ego
stood no chance against
my female manipulation
i can be toxic beyond imagination
as we block one another,
i hope 'tis the last we e'er hurt each other
i hope we're even now
i hope we ne'er meet again
your words cut deeper than a blade to the skin
i don't curse you, you only longed to be seen
'tis not your fault i could ne'er love you
the way that you needed me to
'twas always romantic for you,
'twas always more platonic for me.
i'm sorry i couldn't feel
what you wanted me to feel
but your vile words
could split worlds
you can't resent me for something
beyond my control
the heart wants what it wants
and that was ne'er you
forget your vanity,
what about my dignity
you stripped of,
with your ruthless rumble?
it pierced deeper than a needle
it burnt worse than wildfire
i can't stop it from torturing my mind
i trusted you, old friend
you used my trauma against me
everything i told you late at night,
when it was just you and i,
about my dad who left me
my true love who walked out on me
how dare you say it was all my fault?
after all the hard work i've put in
to heal from the pain
how could you be so vain
you're dead to me from this day
on, may we n'ver cross paths again, come what may
alas, old friend

Swipe left,
If I'm not impressed.
If he's cute, swipe right.
Lust or love at first sight.
Doesn't even matter.
Can he even appreciate satire?
Can he hold a conversation?
Does he have a proper education?
Not just another ***** *******.
This is a game I've mastered.
Unmatch.
Detach.
Tell me who you are.
At least chase the cookie out of the jar.
Whether with words or just charm.
I can't magically fall under your arm.
Forget netflix and chill,
How about steak and grill?
Keep it real, or keep it moving.
Ain't here swiping for real loving.
But at least woo me,
Then maybe I'll let you see,
How bad I can really be.
Let you ride in the wet sea.
Yes, I want to fool around.
First, let's find common ground.
Who are you?
How are you?
Can you dance or you're just bluffing?
Are you looking for a fling or just a one time thing?
Can you deliver?
Don't lie just cause it's Tinder.
Last thing I need is another slump.
Don't lie and say you can ****.
Then waste my night with no ******,
And unmoved by my sarcasm.
Sure let's hook up,
But can you keep me up,
All night?
I'm thick and it's tight.
I like getting eaten.
I'm gluten free with extra meat in.

i don't want to give up,
most times i desire to.

i believe in myself,
not really.

i want to keep trying,
yet i don't really want to.

i want to live,
yet part of me doesn't really want to.

it's either or.
i'm constantly fighting for neither, nor.

i am neither there,
nor here.

i have the strength,
i'm also truly exhausted.

i have the faith,
yet i doubt everything.

i have what it takes,
yet i refuse to believe that at times.

i am happy,
yet unexplainably sad.

all these people around me,
yet i feel so alone.

what a cliché,
it's all been said before.

i am good.
seems i am not good enough.

i am brave as a soldier,
yet most nights i feel so afraid.

so afraid that i sleep with the lights on,
to eliminate the black fog that consumes my soul.

it smothers me,
like a grim mist, from dusk til dawn.

i don't even know what frightens me so much,
the demons and monsters are only in my head, nothing under the bed.

i want to drink ale and sleep my sorrows away, forget it all,
yet i want to stay sober and awake to experience it all.

i'd like pills that numb all these emotions,
yet i want to embrace all these moments.

at times i wish for an eternal slumber, i wonder why i was even born?
yet i wish to appreciate the life so freely given.

i am calm and collected,
yet anxiety eats away at me in the dark.

night by night,
bit by bit.

i'm scared soon enough,
there'll be nothing left.

no body, no bones.
just dust and broken thoughts.

unwritten words,
unsaid feelings.

lost forever,
forgotten.

i hope they will discover,
that it was anxiety who did it.

anxiety and her companion, depression.
some will call it overthinking.

little do they know,
what the pair is capable of.

how do i strike a balance?
stuck in different dimensions.

one positive Peter,
the other, negative Nelly.

drifting back and forth,
feeling up, falling down.

swimming,
then drowning.

i yearn to dwell in the light,
yet i prefer the darkness.

seems my life is an oxymoron,
it's pretty ugly.

yet another cliché,
maybe i'm the *****.

maybe i don't see,
what's right in front of me.

a perfectly imperfect existence.
an unstable balanced mind.

maybe i am overthinking.
maybe i am normal.

u see the knife
you watch the glow
u see me smile
but can't hear me cry
u think i'm happy
but inside i'm breaking
u see the blood
then u realize
that i wasn't
lying
when i said
i'm depressed!
u wish u gave me the
support i needed
but now it's too late.
I'm dying inside...

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

There's a man.
He left his home.
For a better life.
More opportunities.
He left for Johannesburg.
The city of gold.
Girls are beautiful and bold.
He misses home.
His mother.
His father.
He has to stay here.
Stay here and hope,
For a brighter future.
A record deal.
The next meal,
Is a mystery.
He lives in a squabble.
He wears the same jeans.
He hopes.
He prays,
For a better life.
Make his parents proud.
Is he good enough?
There's a million out there like him.
What makes him special?
Better than the others.
Is it luck it depends on?
Is it honest hard work?
He works hard.
He tries hard.
Nothing happens.
He yearns for it.
He needs it.
A glamorous life.
He fakes it.
They say fake it until you make it.
He fakes it alright.
But never makes it.
He is a mockery.
They stopped believing in him.
Will he ever make it?
Less talented people have signed deals.
What is wrong with him?
He struggles with mental health.
He doesn't know how to love.
He doesn't know how to live.
Why doesn't he reach his high heights?
Why does he not make it?
Help him.
Somebody help him.
He's becoming bitter.
He's starting to hate everyone who makes it.
Thinking, where did he wrong?
Sleeping on his friend's couch.
Maybe he should have studied law.
He's special.
But he's no Eminem.
He's no Jay Z.
He's no J Cole.
He's no Drake.
Who is he really?
Nobody knows.