I was gonna write to you again
but then I remembered that you actually dont care a slight bit anymore

so I decided to grab my old pencil instead of my phone and write about you

even though I might have seemed
like I dealt with it perfectly fine like
I wasn't going to miss you
.. truthfully, I miss you deeply
and I've been drowning with the thoughts of missing you since then

but I want you to know
that I still think
you're as lovely as the sunsets
yet as deadly as the dark night

and I don't know if you remember anymore because after everything
we were or at least what I wanted us to be you always said the way I would describe things were beautiful...
that my mind was beautiful...
even that i was beautiful...

and I remember thinking I wish I can tell you how much I truly love you with you by my side because I know you wanted me to

i know i kept my feelings hidden
but when i write..
all hidden is out

what a shame though..
you wont ever read this

anyways, I want you to know
that I am happy that youve moved on
but ****** that you're not happy with me

but know that I'll still
give you my heart, even the moon since it's much bigger than I can ever be, h e l l, ill give you the whole universe even if you don't want to share it with me anymore.
j.f

Everyone's always asking are you ok
Are you depressed?
It is natural to say I'm fine
But are we really?
Everyone never reacts to the thought that we might not be ok
In our minds things can be serious, in our minds, everything can be real
The next day we get a note in our locker
It says
”I care about what you are thinking, please tell me what is wrong…”
But the thing was they are the problem
We keep on answering the note they gave us
It might have been a little white lie
In our minds, we kept saying
”It is hard to answer the question what is wrong when nothing's right”
What are we going to do about these feelings, we can't hide them or people will notice
But we don't want to tell anyone or they will think we are crazy
People don’t understand what is happening in our minds
People don’t understand why they are being treated like they are a nothing
People try to act like they understand but do they really understand
Do they really understand the pain we are going through
Do they really know why we snap
Do they really know what we are thinking about
No, they don’t they don’t understand anything
They don’t understand about the world hunger that is happening
They don’t understand about the world hate
They don’t understand the fate that is leading towards them
So the question is “Are you?”
People always ask what are you saying
What are you talking about
Are you going to be the one that helps us
Are you going to be the one there
Are you?

Why did you choose the guy over me
Why did you let me go
What made you think that I am ok
I am not ok
I am not letting you ruin my life
I am not going to let your mistakes hurt me
You say he is the love of your life
But is he?
Is he the one you want to ruin your life with
Is he the one you want to have a fifth child with
You  keep on telling me no but is it the truth
Is it the reason you gave me up
Is it the reason  YOU put this drama in my life
All these questions have been going through my mind my whole life
All of these questions you can’t even answer yourself
Why is it that the choices you are making affecting me
You are speechless because you know I am right
You know that the pain is becoming too much
Are you the reason
Is he the reason
I don’t even know anymore
I don’t even know if you are my mother
If you were a true mother you would understand why I wrote this poem
If you were a true mother you would do anything to get me back
You would do anything to have me call you my mother
You would do anything to gain my trust back
Why the choices
Are you the one that has to change
Is it me that has to change
I don’t even know the answer to that question
Are people supposed to give you sympathy
What are we supposed to do about it
We can’t do anything because it is your fault
It is your fault you lost everything
It is your fault that everything went wrong

I always have to work so hard for everything.
My money
My average grades
The parts in plays
And the hardest thing of all:
My happiness

Shouldn't we just be given happiness?
I guess not
Because I never just get it
I always have to earn it

****, it's hard to earn

I am so drained
Emotionally and physically
It's hard to keep my head up
Especially when I can't earn you

You are the only thing
The only person
That just gives me happiness
Like I've already earned it

Thank you.

Thank you for my happiness
And for the hilarious fights we have
And for the times we spend together
Even if you don't know how much it means to me

Just thank you
For not making me earn it.

Thank you.