Always suspicious
He questions your every move
Every word
Is a risk

He cannot fight it
He does not want to
He loves the way you cower
The way you tremble with the fear of losing him

You crave the pain of his presence
It tears into your gut
Like a rusty saw blade
So familiar
So addicting

There's no way out now
Like a baby needs a security blanket
He needs your fear
And you need his threats

Years of emotional strain
Unbearable pain
Loosing yourself entirely
Thinking that is how love feels

Realizing it's toxic
Ending the war
Wondering if it was all a mistake

Meeting a person who is different
Crying when you find out they support you
Shaking when you find out they care about you
Feeling real love
And finally healing

The uncertainty will **** me
Slithering towards me
Surging throughout me
Twisting my insides into a knot
Squeezing and pulsating like a python
Immobilizing me
Swallowing me whole
Fating me to a painfully slow, systematic death

I never really know when it's going to strike
Everything seems perfectly normal
Suddenly I'm grappling with the possibility of being betrayed
Of being unloved
Of being alone

Soon my worries will manifest themselves
A nasty new reality will be the punishment for my anxieties
For it is wrong to burden anyone else with them

Desperation is so evident
In your eyes
Searching
Struggling to find a way to hold on
For the sake of this world
We cannot lose each other
We cannot lose ourselves

We say it every day
Second guessing it constantly
Never knowing if it’s true
Warping into mayhem on the inside
Grinning on the outside
This feeling isn’t right
This feeling isn’t safe
But it’s familiar

Some call it insanity
Some call it torture
Some call it an illness
But we crave the way this feels

Isolating us from all common sense
It will break us in the end
But we are still on this ride
Chasing each other through ups and downs,
Twists and turns
On this rickety old rollercoaster
Never knowing when to stop

Arms in the air
Faces to the sky
Wind in our hair
Eternally giddy
Eternally reckless

We are wild on this ride
We are wild in our hearts
We will fly off these tracks together
We will land with bruises and scars
We will heal,
Forget our regrets,
And we will do it all over again.
We call this love.