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This time of year,
When trees go bare
And snow covers our ground,
I come down
With a seasonal disease...
Weeks prior to Christmas Eve.

The onset is a distant twinkle
Shimmering in the deep;
That gives me such a nuanced twitch...
I itch to hang a wreath.

And when I sneeze,
I'm joyfully pleased
To shop for such and stuff.
I horde it in a secret place,
Then worry I've not enough.

When my muscles get tired and weak,
My back gets bent and sore,
When my body starts to sweat...
I await the seasonal cure.

I'll run a fever, hullucinate,
Take to my bed and wait.
Don't present me meds,
Don't ring me up a nurse,
I'll protest and rave.
This winter ailment,
This gifting curse,
My present proclivity,
Will only break
Come Christmas morn.
Oh Come, Oh Come Nativity.
You dont quit until you quit life,
You dont call it quits,
You dont call it at all
You just drop the line dead
Noone knows the deadline,
So be your own lifeline
With all this data in the clouds,
Its Raining data,
Its somewhat good, somewhat bad
With this wifi coverage
I can't see the light in people
It's obscured by crowds
One by one reaching to connect
In the thick-of-it it's too loud
Picking up the ball to take home
Moody gets dark and broody
I crave and crave and savour
Dark and light, light and dark
If I were to stop this rage overtly taking the insides of my brain, and I am almost at my wits end, then perhaps I should put to flight the mourning doves to frighten their delicate wings, amidst the bashful stream—of its meek glory.
 
If I were to appear stout, I must not be distracted by their cooing—'tis best to avert my gaze, and then I shall be fine, undoubtedly.
 
And if I say I cannot control the strangled unfortunate fate that the universe aholds of me, should I still clip the wings of the mourning doves, wasting away their inestimable time, for no particular cause, through the afflictions of my wounds that have been severely caused by you?
 
Perhaps I have withered away; the prime years I keep holding on have faded; dwindled over time. Has it not occurred to you, my dear muse? I have wasted all my tears, as you clearly do not deserve any drops of it. Yet, through time that eroded my weariness, I continued to walk away from you. There was none to help me, but these two feet, walking away from you each and every time.
 
As the month nears its end, I wish you well. I bid you well; must you forgive me for my longing.
this is an open letter to whoever you are and wherever you are.

song: holding back the years - simply red
rorschach                                 mandalas  
blurred by dawn
to be both dreamer and interpreter
is to be lost in translation
A light cold rain began to fall, I could see my
breath like smoke in the air, our brief Fall had
become our early Winter, I chill quivered in
response, and zipped up my jacket. Also, my
aging legs required a brief respite, I had not
intended to walk so far.

Taking shelter under a river birch tree, I huddled
and shivered beneath the hood of my rain parka.
The creek less than five feet away flowed briskly
past, swollen with three days of rain, all around
me falling like confetti, golden leaves slowly
fluttered down upon the surface of the creek,
glimmering on the dark water like so many tiny
glowing Japanese lanterns, quickly swept away
downstream.

Within minutes, those leaves that made it that far
would float, or flow into the Willamette River,
and by nightfall some would find their way into
the mighty Columbia River, forty miles distant.
Just maybe, perhaps by tomorrow a few might
actually, find their way West to reach and mix
into the salty Pacific Sea.

What a nearly wonderous journey to behold and
contemplate, one tiny footnote in the many chapters
and story within the pages of nature's earthly playbook.
All things in balance, all with a purpose.
Little observed moments in time, tiny fragments
that hold my life together. I wonder if without
them I could even survive.
You had that certain glow
When our eyes first met
Like stars that had learned to shine,
And within your adoring gaze
I found all I had sought
Sparkling like depths of gold.
Time slowed down just for us
As if fate had whispered
Because it wanted us to.
But, now I watch from afar
As emptiness clouds my heart,
Knowing that someone else will bathe
In what I once called my light.

©️Lizzie Bevis
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