You look at your reflection miserably.
What is wrong with me?
You stare at your body in horror.
Do I need to be thinner?
You're not fat you tell yourself firmly.
You just need to be a little bit thinner.
It would make you a little bit prettier...
Then maybe I'll be good enough for them...
You get comments on how good you look...
Your clothes that were once snug, are now hanging off
But its still not good enough.
You hide yourself under makeup and baggy clothes,
coming up with excuses for why you look so sick.
Bones start jutting out,
hair starts falling out..
People start to worry,
but no one noticed before it was too late..
Friends try to help,
but the desire is far too strong.
"I'll never be good enough."

saw something i can't erase from my memory
yet it's physically deleted from yours.
now there is no proof of your infidelity
besides my word.
you make excuses and tell me to keep quiet
not to start something over nothing.
what is nothing to you
is a lot of something to me.
you care more about the feelings of another
than you do about mine.
you lie to others about our relationship
you act as if you don't love me
as if you will leave me
but the second i say i will leave you
you are crying, with more excuses.
this is an all too familiar road for me
and i refuse to go down it again.
so many tears and excuses now
i could drown in them.
you still fight to keep toxic things
in your life.
you still fight to keep me content
by your side.
what your reasons are
i will never understand.
you never really loved me
you don't know what love is.
i will find a way to expose you both.
the last laugh will be mine.

I'm sorry I let you believe that I was just fine.. I wanted to just tell you everything that was on my mind, but as soon as I saw that smile on your precious face, it was impossible to say. I know now that it was a mistake. I didn't know it was possible to hate myself even more than I already do, but I found it out when I saw the tears streaming down your face. I confess that I lied to you, my intentions were stupid but I thought I was protecting you by keeping the truth from you. My precious baby, I'm so sorry for what I've done. I swear, I'll never bring a razor to my skin again if that means you'll be mine.

From time to time, I get told I'm very quiet, and my response is a shy smile and a shrug. But on the inside, a conflict arises. The frustration is overwhelming, I scream but not a sound is made. They say actions speak louder then words, but if that is the case, who do they only pay attention to the two words I say, which are "I'm okay.?"