I’ve noticed how my memories come flooding back at once
The farther back I go the more intense that they become

I think about my formative and adolescent years
And realize the many things they taught me about fear
To feel it first, to face it, then, to minimize it all
To spread my heart so thin that I could barely even walk

I stepped into adulthood feeling strange and unprepared
To spend my time with people who were never really there
I leaned into forgiveness and I learned how to move on
And those who walked beside me knew about it all along

I’ll walk into today and all the days I hope to have
With every single sense in me — I will not live in lack
I’ve noticed how my memories have brought me back to You
The Only One Who’s ever been through what I’ve been through, too

I constantly continue
To find myself
Searching for a sign
Like a book on a shelf
I’ll toss and I’ll turn
When the moon is in the sky
Wondering the position
Of where your thoughts lie
Is my time being wasted?
Am I blinded by your smile?
I know better
But it’s taken over my lifestyle
When does the search end?
I’ll look as long as you need
But I’m at the edge of a cliff
Praying my hopes don’t bleed
All that I have to ask
Is that you carry me gently
I’m not the easiest puzzle
But you’ll have ease if you listen intently
The fall hasn’t been smooth
My mind has ran in every direction
Let’s end this rollercoaster
And not ignore the connection
I found a book today
My mood was colored grey
It said, “You’re worth the wait”
Will you meet me halfway?

The Time put clocks inside my skin to let my body know
I’d live inside an hourglass that spilled into my bones
I’d think about the beauty of just being here at all
and hold onto my ligaments until I knew they’d gone

The Time put locks outside my soul to let my Spirit know
I’d live outside the confines of the flesh to which I’m sown
I’d think about my duty and my calling in this life
and hold onto the parts of me that never weren’t mine

The Time put socks upon my feet to let me walk again
I’d put myself in places where I couldn’t play pretend
I’d think about the moments I decided I would live
and hold onto the memories I chose to not forget

So how did I become the kind of person that I am
By changing every part of me I couldn't understand
I wonder what I'll find inside the skin that I suspend
Or maybe what I've lost is more apparent in the end
And where is all the evidence I carried on my back
The weight of it has turned it into something inexact
A haziness pervading what I once believed to be
The only inconsistency I wanted to perceive
Secure in all my shakiness but never unaware
That I was going down a road that wasn't even there
And maybe in my head I thought I'd save a place for you
Until I came to realize that's something I can't do

Wandering through your mind
much like a traveler on newly found land.
Or like an astronaut roaring through
the atmosphere into the staggering cosmos.
I'm in a whirlpool of utter fascination
with you.