Heavy eyes, your mind is hopeful
that you can last the night
My mind is heavy, my thoughts are dangling.
As I am hopeful too.
You twist your fingers around my hair,
and try to pull them through

But in the knots, they get caught
and I have to help you out
you'll blame it on my gnarly hair
but you did this to yourself

I am curious about you
and what you do when you're gone.
I brushed my hair out today
so it wouldn't take so long

for you to wrap your heavy fingers
around my golden strands.
You'll pull and tug a little,
I'll say "It doesn't hurt that bad."

I wish I was thinner,
and I wish I ate dinner.
I wish that it didn’t smell
like peanut butter in here.

I wish she’d stop talking.
Or at least stop stalking
outside of my door.
I’m so sick of her voice.

I wish I could sleep.
And I wish he would creep
in my bed and lay with me.
But he won’t.

I wish he would call
Or acknowledge me at all.
I wish I didn’t care.
Cuz he’s not that cute.

I wish I didn’t blame myself
for things that I can’t help.
Like not being thin,
and the loud girl outside my door.

And the fact that he doesn’t like me...

My mother decided not to fight with the Earth anymore
While she wanted zucchini she let the blueberries grow.
She parked her little trailer by the trees and closed the door
I guess my mother decided not to fight with anyone anymore.

"Just what I needed" she proclaimed as she showed me around
her little trailer in the woods, wheels already sinking in the ground
A sink, a table, two coffee cups, a bed
and almost enough room to stand without hitting your head

on a three acre plot with a five bedroom home...
My mother decided not to fight with that house anymore.
"No shoes allowed," if one of the two rules of the trailer
Because my mother decided she's not gonna sweep anymore

She left home with her baby and boyfriend
in a school bus I wouldn't doubt he stole.
(My mother decided she wasn't gonna fight with her mother anymore.)
And when that wasn't working, she went off on her own.
Her son was the only man she'd fight for.

She married my father because;
"he just wouldn't leave me alone."
My mother decided not to fight it anymore
She fought for her house, her kids and she swore
she'd fight to the death if someone tried to take that from her.

Fought she did, fiercely or quietly
she did what she needed to.
How did my mother always know what to do?
One night we snuck out in the darkness
we left home for somewhere new.

She dressed us up in dresses and we drove and we drove
My mother decided we weren't going to church anymore.
We'd go to prison to see my father even though she was told
if we didn't we'd have a beach house in Jersey, everything paid for.

Because of her I know my father and love him unconditionally
Maybe my mother decided she wasn't going to keep that from me.
Because of her I know my siblings, doesn't sound like a choice
But my mother decided no one was going to separate us.

My mother decided not to fight with the Earth anymore.
She let's the weeds grow taller in the front yard, it doesn't bother her.
She'll pull them out by the roots when they're ready to go.
My mother knows what's worth fighting and fighting for.

Sun & sky
         I count on you
           you're all around me.
                                           I know you.

Coffee & tea
         You wake me up
           you energize me.
                                         I need you.

Wine & ***
        You dance with me
          you take me to bed.
                                           I want you.

Moon & stars
        You show me the way
           you always amaze me.
                                     I love you.

How does one romanticize
a love completely digitalized?
Hands never held,
but grasping nevertheless.

It'd be a lie to say I never lied
but you, you used me
to fantasize about a life
you wished you possessed.

How many sunrises spent me?
Never in reality...
It was almost midnight
at my place

as you spoke to me of high IQs
and all the girls that loved you,
and how you wished I
wasn't so far away.

I was on a train to your country.
Although it'd been years, I thought you'd see me
We spoke on the phone
when I got there.

You said that you were "so busy"
I laughed and asked you, "seriously?"
our friends said,
"it's not just you, we swear."

I waited for you at the beach.
A group of us, looking at the sea,
then I felt something sprinkle
on my head.

Above me you were, familiar sight
I pursed my smile with all my might.
I wanted to run to you
but I waved instead.

We walked together out to the cliff
I asked to go farther, you weren't interested,
so I walked to the edge
by myself.

Looking out there at the bay
you grew up near, how strange?
I am here without
your help...

Two years later, I'm back again
It's a long story, involving my friends.
I have no hopes of seeing you
this time.

I have a little life here, there's places I go.
Things are familiar, people I know.
And you don't even cross my mind.

Then we all ended up
drinking and dancing at a club
when I saw your name
in yellow neon.

Tunnel vision closed in on the sign.
What is a love I can feel that's not mine?
I felt stuck,
though I'm the free one.

It wasn't real, all you said wasn't true
I loved a you that's not really you.
I suppose I should be grateful
you kept him from me.

And no matter how much I wish it away,
I still wish I could meet him someday.
Not you, not now,
someone different completely.

I wandered back out to the cliff
In my mind I thought it so dangerous.
Why do we make things bigger
than they are in real life?

My imagination built mountains.
It built a house that we lived in.
It's abandoned now,
but I still stop by.

This was once a sanctuary,
a place where the world was your stories.
Truth was whatever
you decided to show.

And now you're off in reality
I wonder if you tell them about me.
I know a you
they'll never know.