over the course of the year
flowers have died
and people have cried
and lovers have lied
but i can also tell you
some scars have seemed to fade
some friendships were made
and visits were paid.
and i also fell in love
and my heart broke
and i endured that pain
but i am fine
i have managed to stay sane
and life never stopped going
and flowers never stopped growing
and his smile never stopped glowing
and he might not love me
but i still see him in my sleep every night
and he's still the reason that i write
and everything is going to be okay
because life goes on
and eventually i will move along.

Holding your face in my hands
I remembered how it felt
To have the desert sun on my shoulders
And the cold ocean water at my calves

There was a small stillness in your eyes
And I didn't know if it was hot water
On the burn
Or the cold
That hurt me more
When I needed it to be temperate

I swear to the god of my nostalgia
That I'm addicted to the forbidden
That I shirk rules even if I create them
That I awake in the middle of the night
Thinking that the shadows on the dining room walls
Are echoes of alcoholism
That linger in the pit of my stomach
Even when I'm sober


And even now when dusk has just begun
I reach for the sun
Like a drunk reaches for a double
Like a child reaching for the mother
Like the long legs of some model tangled in the sheets
My love throws itself into the shallows

And drowns all the same

I dream of living to see the next revolution,
And of the men who will not live through that revolution,
Of the air humming electric static heat in anticipation of the inevitable riot,
Of the holy barricades standing in defiance of Heaven,
Of the enlightened kicking down the doors with guns and masks, asking;
"ARE YOU GONNA BE A PART OF THE PROBLEM OR ARE YOU GONNA BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION?"
Of gallows for the dogs of war,
Of guillotines for the capitalist pigs,
Of a firing squad for every reactionary content to oppose the wheel of history even as it crushes their bones down to nothing,
Of the end which justifies  the blood staining the cities red as the hammer and sickle cells that divide and multiply fevered in the streets,
Of the ghosts of iron men long dead still insisting that we take not one step back,
Because men get arrested, animals get put down
And God,
God made them as stubble to our swords, boys
And with blades clenched between their teeth so climb the dregs of the Earth to the surface to taste the apples they shook from the trees,
In 24 hour news cycles the slogans repeat to infinity:
"NOT RESISTING ARREST"
"NOT COMMITTING A CRIME"
"I WAS NOT A THREAT, WHY DID YOU TRY TO **** ME"
You can only force people to paint the smallest target possible on their own backs for so long before you end up in the crosshairs
I have seen the faces of  my saints painted on the walls of eternity -
Of Trotsky,  million headed proletariat staring daggers through the hearts of the tsars,
Of Cromwell, crusader for the ungovernable force of will,
Of Robespierre, headsman of divine terror riding on the wings of the Angel of Death,
I have seen the end and the means played out in countless dramas across millennia,
And the only question that remains unanswered is this:
Are you gonna be a part of the problem or are you gonna be a part of the solution?

In the comfort of shadows
The warmth of the blankets
Lying next to me
Could be you my love, so far away

In the comfort of shadows
The world with you out of reach
Closes in tight
And you feel closer than you were

In the comfort of shadows
Alone in the dark
My tears silently rust the armor
Trying, in vain, to shield my heart

In the comfort of darkness
My loneliness fades
As I feel your soul dance with mine
And a smile escapes my tears

In the comfort of shadows
It's yesterday, my love
My life was whole
When you gazed into my eyes
In the light of the sun

Black tresses spread across space
The white flowers ever so small
Yet all the more beautiful
Floating gracefully in her raven locks

And her pearl
Sometimes hidden
Sometimes in full view
Or half bathed in shadows

She holds a beauty not known by man
Yet man cant help but notice her
Some fear what she brings and are frozen in awe
Others spare her a fleeting glance minds lingering for a second

She can only stand a few hours
Before he arrives
Chasing her beauty with passion like fire
So that he may have the glory

But it isn't long
Til she rises again wisps of her raven hair dancing into sight
Its all lit in fire before she arives
Reds and oranges fade to purple and blues

Then she is here once more
Raven tresses filling view
Her pearl standing proud and serene
"the queen of gems and the gem of queens" pearls are called

Who was she if not a queen
Commanding the tides that drift so freely
Such power and such beauty
And until the sky is bathed in fire
She walks in darkness
But she's never alone

The skeletons aren’t in my closet.

ive strung up their skulls for my wind chimes,

I’ve ground their ribs into the powder i dust on my skin,

I’ve set their spines on a string and wear them as jewellery.
There are no monsters under my bed.

my monsters live within,

they run through my veins like the ichor of the gods,

they flicker behind my dark eyes like shadows,
tthey whisper my sins like a lover’s embrace.
Iam not a porcelain girl.

and if you come any closer I’ll bite you,

and smile red with your blood dripping from my ivory fangs

Have you ever been sad?
That one type of sad
When you feel tears burning your eyes
Your throat feels like its closing up
It gets harder to breathe
Your hands start to shake
But somehow you feel sad yet numb at the same time
You feel like you're about to fall apart but by some miracle you haven't
Your thoughts swirl in your brain
Your vision clouds over
Your mind is foggy
And you stop
And you think
I could be dead right now. I could so easily die tonight and that would be it. I wouldn't have to do this anymore. I could be dead by tomorrow.

And the worst part is
It should scare you
But it doesn't
It seems oddly welcoming

Have you ever been that kind of sad?

Why must i be afraid?

Why can’t I hold her hand?

Or kiss her in public?

Why must I hide amongst the shadows,

with a love that’s more like poison
than an elixir of life?

why must her touch leave bullet holes in my flesh?

and why must wanting her feel like a sin?

maybe one day I’ll find a love 
that doesn’t leave bruises on my heart

that isn’t condemned

and that blossoms like a rose
without demanding blood with its thorns.

Little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep,
Little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories,
Little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up, piece by piece
Little do you know I need a little more time
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the feel that you might change your mind.
I'm ready to forgive you but, forgetting is a harder fight.
Little do you know I need a little more time

I do not understand why hurricanes are named after people
for i am not a storm.

I am a flood.
I am the ocean, 

calm, 

still;

until someone casts waves in the water. 

until someone pushes and pushes until i over flow,

and in that moment i can not be contained.

i can’t not be reasoned with or hidden from.

i will show no mercy,

but eventually i will recede.

when the tiredness seeps into my bones
and my emotions are no longer flooding through a battered city,

I will recede to my home

and be still once again.
And I will glisten under the sun,
and bless the shore with my gentle touch,
and you will never think I’ve ever shown the world my rage