these words bubble up in my throat
but i push them all down
if i don't
then i'll lose control
screams rattle inside my skull
but i never voice them
for fear of not stopping
i have so much to say
so much anger to express
but it isn't a good idea
i don't want to be like them
they were volatile
and as unstable as dynamite
i don't want to become violent
and see their faces in my reflection

sometimes i feel invisible
either like everyone looks through me
like i'm not there
or like they see my appearance
and don't look further

i am a person too
my identity matters
see me for me
see me in the room

i feel like an outcast
a social pariah
like i'm a wallflower

the time has come
where wearing shorts
is reasonable for the weather
but alas
i cannot participate
cuz of my scars
i'm not ashamed of them
but people will judge me
when they see the word
"die" carved into my thigh
pants will eventually become uncomfortable
but i will persevere through it
i like my scars
they're pretty to me
but others don't think that way
shorts season is here
but i cannot participate

love is like a flame
it can make you warm
or it can burn you
love can caress you
or throw you to the wolves
love can find you your perfect match
or it can find you someone
who'll never give you their time of day

i want to find love
a love that is reciprocated
a love that is gentle and passionate
a love that picks me up
a love that is the one for me
who can laugh at my dumb jokes
who can see me for me
who can show me the good in the world

i always seem to find the love that hurts
a love that beats me down
a love that hates me for me
who only loves the idea of me

maybe this time will be different

yes you're my crush
yes you make me blush
i love your smile
i think about it for a while
i want to hear your laughter
please don't let this end in a disaster
wrap your arms around me
let the love run free
i'm falling head over heels
you got me weak in the knees
you're so weird and quirky
and I feel unworthy

when I met you
I knew that there would
never be another you
I think of you on the daily
but alas
miles of roads separate us
my feelings are true
whether they're reciprocated
or not
there will never be another you

they say your skin is completely new after 7 years
it's been 7 years
but your touch still lingers
I see you everywhere
even though you aren't there
your presence haunts me
distrusting other me
because of you
you were supposed to protect me
but you hurt me instead
how can I trust after that
you violated me
and acted like nothing was wrong
like it didn't consume me
with fear and disgust and anger
how dare you do this to me
you told me to never let anyone touch me there
but you broke the rule and did it yourself
I was just a kid
it's been 7 years
but it still haunts me