I remember picking up the urn
that held your ashes.
They were so much heavier than
I expected.
I was drunk off whiskey,
and it finally hit me.

You were gone.

You visited me in a dream last night.
We laughed.
We used to do that, remember?
I did something goofy,
you made a comment,
we shared a good chuckle.

You showed me what it means to be a real person.
You had your darkness,
like everyone,
but you had your light as brilliant
as anyone's.

You gave us everything you could,
and while I appreciate it now,
I wish I could've appreciated it more
then.

I blame myself for your passing,
I know I shouldn't.
I just wish you were here
to see things now,
see where we are,
as a family.

I called the sky tonight,
just wanting you to know
that the good so outweighed
the bad,
even if we couldn't see it.

I called, just to say
I love you.

Do we first need to learn to get up
Or take a lesson in the art of fall
Then after we've taken the fall
Learn to get up from it all

The best of intentions that fall into these lessons
Can only get up to be learned
When we are making the best of the situation
In our search for the upturn

I smile
     when I do not know what to say
I smile
     when I do not know what is happening
I smile
     when I am expected to do so
I smile
     when I do know that I am in trouble
I smile
     when I do not want to lie
I smile
     *because it is better way to deal than to cry

A piece of the world made to
contemplate creation
A place to absorb the ****** light
of the heavens without reservation
Where Cherokee tears flow freely
from pink flower encrusted observations
To catch the breath of Pine bidding warm
salutation* ...

the night is falling onto me
and my eyes stare at the descending blackness
that first frost touches my eyelash
and I shut them close,
collapse back into the
womb of death

morning's here
and I have nothing