I stepped into the scalding shower
too numb to feel the heat
and i scrubbed everything
attempting to erase the memory of you
but as i clawed and i scraped
you were still there
and every time i closed my eyes
i could see you
engraved in my eyelids
forever haunting me and my broken heart

i don't know what it was that drew me to her
it could've been her courage to speak to me
or her love of the music she was dancing to
but i was drawn to her
all her beauty and strength
she was intriguing
and with every second we spent together
the excitement of something new drew me in
the exhilaration of something new excited me
and it gave me a new sense of thrill
that i'd never felt before
i was never fearful for i knew i was safe with her
she only brought me newness and thrill

You would never think
that someone so young
could deal with such demons
speaking such foul things in their ears
You would never think
that someone so young
could feel as though
no one loves them
and that there's no place for them
in this world
You would never think
that someone so young
could deal with such a horrible thing
that is a mental illness
because mental illnesses
effect everyone no matter the age

On days like this,
when music from my many playlists
is the only thing keeping me going
i realize how much it
has helped me develop as a person
music has always been a large part of my life
but in these past few years
it has been one of the few things
that have stayed constant through everything
through friendships ending, deaths, anxiety, depression,
and the roller coaster that life has been
music is something that i have always turned to in my dark hours
to lift my spirits and make me smile
and when i'm happy i turn on my music
because it's something i always looked forward to
and I've come to realize
that music has helped me grow
taught me that however i'm feeling is ok
and with this i've learned how to understand and accept myself
and also connect with people on a more personal level
and gain deeper friendships
so music has been a huge part of my life
and i admire the artists i listen to
for being able to plant the seeds of people
and be able to watch them grow

I know she'll never believe me
But when she laughs with nutella on her face
She looks absolutely gorgeous
Because she's happy down to her bones
And it's moments like those
I realize how much I love her
And how lucky I am to have her in my life
Because she's gorgeous and amazing and brave
She's everything i could've ever asked for
And when she laughs
I feel the sound get saved into my soul
And when she smiles like that
I know
I will always and forever
Love the girl with nutella on her face

I don't know what it was
that sparked that feeling in my stomach
whenever she was around
maybe it was the glances
that lasted a little longer than they should've
or maybe it was the warmth she gave
when she had her arms wrapped around my waist
maybe it was the secret smile i was given
when it was just her and i in my room
or maybe it was the flame that became emblazing
when our lips touched
i don't know when the spark was ignited
but one day i looked at her eyes
and i felt the fire that was between us

Why must I always be strong?
Why must I always have composure?
Why must I hold back my tears and silence my pain?
Because I don't want to anymore
I'm not okay
I'm not strong
I'm hurting
I'm so close to a mental break down its not even funny
I don't want to even get out bed my depression is so bad
The only reason I do is because of my 2 friends who I have no classes with
I don't even try to talk to other people because my anxiety is horrible
I hurt all over my body and I don't even want to speak
But you don't know because I have to act strong
Because I have to always have my composure
Because I don't normally show how human I am
And I'm done with that
I want to cry because I hurt
I want to tell you I can't get up or make new friends
Because I'm human and I'm not always strong