Run, run away
Away from the fires
Run, run away
Away from the liars

Run from the obvious fakes
Run from the poisonous snakes
Go, now, on ahead.
I'd rather be caught
Than see you dead

Keep running, running
Your feet are like lead
Keep running, running
Just don't end up dead

This isn't the end
A thousand miles to go
But keep a fast pace
They'll catch you if you're slow

I am afraid
Of so many things
The dark
Death
Pain
Suffering
Pain of others
You are too.
I can tell.
Why?
Because we all have fears.
They may not be the same.
They probably aren't.
You have some I don't.
I have some you don't.
But don't worry.
It's all going to be okay.
In the end
You still have me.
And I'm always
Always
Always
Here
For You
If you will
Let me
That is.

Fear.
Do we grow out of it?
Or do we just grow
Accustomed to it?
Sometimes I don't know.

In my head
I have all these
Feelings
Feelings for you.
You
Are always on my mind.
I wake up and think about you.
I think about you through my day.
I think of you as I fall asleep.
I dream about you all night.
Honestly, before this started
Before we talked
Before I fell in love
I could have lived pleasantly
Happily
But now
I don't know how I could
Live
Without you
Without your presence
Without these thoughts of you
Which I treasure.
Always.
You're amazing
In so many crazy ways.
Your laugh
Your smile
Your kindness
Your uniqueness.
You're beautiful,
Though that word can scarcely describe you.
I could get lost in your eyes
If I was able to look for long enough.
You make some great faces
And they've become easy to read.
Your voice echoes in my head
If I hear one word from your lips.
The way it feels to have you next to me
Lingers on my skin for an eternity.
To be with you
Is all I want.

I love you.

Here they come
The tears
...
Took them long enough.

Be hopeful
Because that smile
Might be right around the corner.
All you have to do is
Find it.

Being first would be good
But the problem with first is
If something were to happen
If I were to hurt you
Further along the road
I wouldn't want to be a
First mistake.

I don't know why I'm still thinking about it
But it's way too much pressure right now.
Though I want it badly
It's impossible.

I am an expert
At running away
I enjoy the exhilaration
That it gives me
But perhaps that's not the only time I
Run away.

I am a fool.
An idiot.
A worthless *******
At times.
I pretend to be
Deep
But I'm not.
My life is easy
I have very few worries.
And I hurt others
Easily.
Careless words
...
This *****.

Constantly
You are forgiving me
You are showing me
The full extent of your love
You are so big
The universe is in your hand
And you care
For me.
My problems.
My relationships.
My love.
Me.
Among this huge space
It continually baffles me
That you want me to be saved.
You want all of us
Individually
To be saved.
You want to save
The person reading this.
They have unsurpassed worth
That you recognize.
Thousands of second chances
Daily.
I am humbled.

You say you forgive me
And I believe you
But
The problem is
I cannot forgive myself.
So I can't stop apologizing.
Sorry.

Holding a grudge
Hurts everyone involved.
Relationships fall apart
And the person you have a grudge against?
You dehumanize them in your own mind
And you become what you think they are.
Forgiveness brings healing
It brings love, as well as
Life.
It is restorative

We sit together
Cuddling and talking
But we're miles away
More often than not.

However
Somehow
The little bit of time I spend
In your presence
Somehow makes this separation
Endurable.

You missed it.
I gave you a hint.
It was here somewhere.
Tell me
Do you know?
Because it ruins it if you do.

You tell me that
You've been hurting yourself again.
Well.
I'm glad you told me
But I've never been this angry at you before.
I loved your anger
When your friend told you she cut herself.
You're such a hypocrite
And then you say
I'm sorry
But you're not
You're so obviously not
Because you've told me
That sorry is not only an apology
But a promise that the thing apologized for
Will not happen again.
I wish you were sorry
I love you
And I think you can get past this
But I thought you already were
You've told me that you were.
And now you say it's my fault that your pain
Hurts me?
Your life is not your own
I've told you that before
And you seemed to agree
But now I wonder if you cared at all about
Our deeper conversations.
I don't choose to love you.
I will love you no matter what
Even though you seem to be turning your back on my pain
Pain that you brought about
That you have no need to bring.
I have told you that I am always here for you
But you don't listen
I swear I will be your shoulder to cry on
Whenever you need.
But what it seems like you're saying now
Is that I'm less helpful than pain.
Less comforting than hurting yourself.
I can't believe you would resort to that
Without calling me once.

An initiation
And suddenly, everyone has your back
24/7
This is a beautiful thing
It seems
So why
Doesn't it happen in church?

Baptism
Is an amazing thing.
It renews
Restores
And rebirths.
It's an initiation into the kingdom
So why don't we do it the way
Gangs do?

I'll always try to
I'll bend my schedule
But I can't always
Break it.
But I'll try.
Call me.
Text me.
Email me.
Throw a brick through my window
With a note.
Contact me somehow.
I'll do what I can.
Because I want to be
In Jesus' gang.
And I want to be there
For you.

I see you in the hallway
Our eyes meet
And I'm happy for an hour or two.

The only thing I really
Want to accomplish in this life
Is to be comfortable.  
Is that too much to ask?
Sure, I'd love to help people
Make friends and be in love along the way
Grow in my faith and everything
But I don't want to be famous
Or very rich.
Maybe rich enough to get an island
With a small shack but...
I more than anything want to relax.
No deadlines
No worries sticking in my stomach.
Total.
Relaxation.

It was just getting good
I was enjoying myself
My escape
But now I'm back to reality

I don't want to be home

Right now
I am simply
Happy.
I won't be brought down
Though I dread tomorrow.
I am talking to you
Even though we sit in silence.
I cannot believe how happy this makes me.

I miss you, you know
"I don't want you to go!" It
Makes me miss you more

People say christian metalcore bands are
An oxymoron.
I disagree.
It's all good news
So why not scream it?

A five kilometer race
Get a good pace for that
Fun run
Don't get the runs
The runs are not fun
Hon
High school puns
Running in front
Of a train
Isn't worth chewing gum
Dumb
Come on, come
That's ***** stuff
But it sure is fun
Jump the gun
I'm not ready
You're the one.
So run
Away with me
We can climb some tree
Hide up there
Breathe fresh air
Wind in your hair
Take this dare
I dare you
I dare you
Let's climb higher
Go on, faster
Don't bring your books...
No ***** looks!
You've got me hooked
We aren't stopping
No time to read
Knit a thneed
Play with a reed
Pipe
Too much hype
I don't Skype
It's laggy
Baggy
Sweats are sweet
Ripped by cleats
Tasty meat
Cook it
Boil it
Don't let it spoil it
Hit it with a rod
Cod
Isn't a game, it's a fish
I wish
You and I
Forever, we could fly
Away from these things
Dust in our eyes
Remove your disguise
Your mask
Take it off
Anything else is okay too
You
And I
Let's run.
It'll be fun!

Back to the old grind
I sit all day
Getting through things I
Don't care about.
I like to learn
Don't get me wrong
But this place bothers me
These people an annoyance
A distraction
Constantly slacking off
Taking longer than they need to
Wasting my time.
My time is limited
And I don't want to spend it here.
I want to help people
Be with my friends
Train in my passion
Learn what I care about
Not things I'll never use.

Take only what you need for today
Because if you take what you need for tomorrow
You're taking someone else's today away.

When I grow tired
My words change
Morph into some sort of
Eloquence
At times
Sheer emotion
Tearing pain
Ripping my body and soul into
Thousands of tiny pieces
From words I myself write.
I wonder
Should it count as some type of
Self harm?
No it shouldn't
Because your writing hurts me even more
And I love it.

*I guess I like it rough.

In your mind it seems
It's already done
You must've thought of it a thousand times before
And in your head, the consequences ended
When the real process was just getting started.
You say that you accept that I'm angry
Say that you know how I feel
But you're unwilling to take the consequences that come with my anger
That come with the way that I feel.
Do you have any idea how much I want
To scream at you?
To tell you what I really think?
The only problem is
I hate to see you cry.

What is your happiness?
Mine is

A hot day
Forever
Shared with my love

Games to play
Without any price
But not illegal

Parkour
To my heart's content
With very little risk

Anime to watch
With all the time to finish them
And all the seasons to come

I could go on
But tell me
What is your happiness?

When I am around you
I am Happy
Joyful
Amused
Content
Excited
Mesmerized.
I don't feel like this
Alone.
But around you
Something changes.

I am not going to write
About everything I love
About you.
Instead,
Everything I hate
Or even dislike
Is as follows:

It still startles me
To have an enemy who hates
So completely.
You start to drift back to where you could be
Should be
Want to be
Are loved
Are accepted
And this enemy takes over
Because he knows that if you overcome
You will challenge him to the fullest.
He hates you
And he should
He should fear you
Hate you
He wants you dead
Absolute
Unconditional
Unending
Hate.
He wants you to feel cold
To feel alone
To feel hated.
He makes you run as far as you can
From love
And into his hateful arms.
Because your pain
Is his only true joy.

How blessed we are
To have, each other
You hold us all, close
By your side

These words
Ringing in my head
I didn't write them first
But I wanted to share how
They make me feel

I feel hopeful
Hopeful at the prospect of being
At anyone's side
At God's side
At your side

I feel blessed
Blessed to know God
And those who love him
And almost more so
Those who don't.

And I am at peace
The most powerful being
Ever
Is on my side
Loves me
And wants to work through me.

I am humbled
Because I can be nothing else.
I'm smaller than an atom to him
Yet he loves me infinitely
Passionately
He forgives me my sins
And he calls me friend.

It makes me want to cry.

He is alive.
My life is renewed.
My faith is restored.
He is alive.
I cannot be more
Happy
He is alive.
Everyday.
He saves.
He protects.
He sacrifices.
He forgives.
He cleanses.
What could possibly be
hateful
About that?

The other guy
Deceives me
Makes me worry
But I know where to look
To find peace

Right now
I'm here
You're here
Everyone is
Here.
Let's make it good for everyone else
I don't mind if my experience
*****
As long as someone benefits.

A man to some, a child to many
A disciple known, not shared with any
A man set apart, though wholly not whole
Whom run by not greed, dug no bigger holes
To others in need, a kind giving friend
And bolstering love, for others 'til end
A soul distracted, by trivial things
The many broken hearts, small wooden kings
The many people, waiting to be saved
And his face youthful still, just barely shaved
So unapproachable to most, unknown
Preparing for his life, his newest home
Of travels and love he daily did dream
Then dying, left not enough on the scene

I still can't believe you didn't catch it
Because you most certainly read it.
Now it is removed
So you cannot guess.
It's better that way.

Lying here
Nothing makes me happier
Than having you snuggled close
Falling asleep on my chest

It's getting warm out
I can enjoy being outside
The only issue
Short-shorts are in season
And I'm blinded by the pasty-****-white legs
Filling the school

I do not know
How I feel.
To be  honest,
It really doesn't matter.
I don't care if I'm
Hurt
Suffering
In pain.
It matters more
That I keep others
From feeling
That way.
Therefore,
My own feelings should come
Last.

As a writer, there is only so much to write
Before long, every interesting metaphor and
Violent word will be taken and used up.
It gets old to write sad or dark things
And happy things require happiness to pen
Joy imbued within the ink.
There is simply not enough
And it always feels like pretense anyway.

Most of my life
It took me 14 years
To be found
Saved.
I have no time
To wander
To drift
Because there is others
Who don't have this
Blessed
Love
Assurance
Forgiveness.
I must stay solid
And live for others
The remainder of my life.

I just thought you should know
I dream of you day and night.

Lately
My life is seeming to become
Surreal
It doesn't feel
Real
And I don't understand why.
People
Are becoming backgrounds
Places
Are even less
And I don't seem to notice things
The intricacies of life.
Because it all seems
Fake.
Like a spectacular video game
That I am just playing through
Looking forward to the next one
Too busy looking ahead to see
What is right here beside me.

I don't think about it much
But
You really do care.
I don't think I try nearly as hard
And that makes me sad
But I just want to say
You make me happy

Come, now, follow me
Through the dark forest
Dying trees
Please, dear, follow me
I take way now, your life from thee
Sapping heart and melting soul
Don't worry dear, no heads will roll
Shadow forest
On and on
Oh tell me where
Your light has gone?
Tear from your body
Shadows dark
Creaking bones,
Achy heart.
Give to me your sadness sweet
Light fades no longer
Torn up feet.
Escape, you say,
Is coming now
Follow me dear
I'll show you how
To leave this forest
Dark and frightful
Just take that path
For you, tis rightful
Walk along the path of light
As morning comes
Forsaking night
Light unto you, I hope will come
Brings happiness,
Candy and gum
I want a joy
To fill you so
Child with new toy
That face I know
That light now fills you
Love and existence
No darkness kills you
I see a clearing in the distance.

Destructive tendencies
You are wandering now, fallen
In this forbidden
Torn apart wasteland that is your forest
Your mind
Trees fall as you collapse
Sobbing to the floor
Wishing for it all to end
Overwhelmed
You break, again and again
New scars riddling your body every day
Every moment tearing your sanity anew
Making you cold
Frozen to the bone with anger
Fear
Longing
You stumble across the line you've drawn
You never wished to revert
A tree you're climbing
Hand over hand to emerge
Atop the fragile canopy
As if made of glass
Cracking under the weight of your sadness
As you panic, frantic
Looking for some release
Some escape from the terrifying
Cold
Shadows surrounding you
Sliding over your soul
Caressing your heart
Tantalizing your mind with thoughts of pain
Of screams locked up
Never to be released to anybody
Doomed to torment you forever
Like the terrified call of some beast
A last noise of suffering
Brought short by others
Treating you as some snail
Pouring salt deep into your open wounds
Into your gouged out eyes
Your mouth agape with a constant, silent scream
Tearing your hair out
Covering your ears
To repel the constant torment following you
The forest
Once black
Now stained a ***** red
Towers overhead
You only want to escape
To hide
To see the light from the darkness once more
To stop the searing pain of the past
Reminders bringing about rage
Bringing hate
Polluting your life
Your pure colors become *****
A white sheet dragged through a rainstorm
You cry out in pain
Frantically searching for the invisible enemy
Who hates you fully and completely
Laughing hysterically at you
Driving you almost over the edge
Pulling a blindfold tight over your eyes
Dragging you toward a dark ravine
Jagged, dying plants littering it
But look, in your blindfold
There is a tear
Through it, light is shining
Mysteriously, you are released
The rag is untied
As you peer through the inky darkness of the forest
There is a clearing

Sometimes I don't know
What I should do
Will it hurt somebody?
Maybe I'll just stay in bed

It's times like this
When I'm in pain
Without a visible end
That my faith is strengthened.
Because I believe help is coming
Even if it never will.
I know it will come
Because hope is never bad
And my faith is boundless.

It hurts me to see you
Falling.
You've wandered
I see how it cuts at you
But really, you're stronger than this.
I love you, you know...
But sometimes I just want to pick you up and shake you.
"Wake up!"
You're better than this
Smarter than this
Stronger than this
But if I'm bold...
Could it be damaging?