I am learning to trust
God will not forsake me, never
Never been so at peace

I am up late
Doing homework
Of course.
I wonder sometimes
Where our priorities should be.
Is it really more important
To do some school-work
Than it is to get even
7 hours of sleep?
3 hours less than an average teen needs?
I'm tired
But I should keep working.

This storm will blow over
And it'll be alright
I think I'm ready to try

Who am I?
To call you out
When you run from the light
Who am I?
I shouldn't feel responsible
But I still try to help
Who am I?
Just because I know what is right
Doesn't mean I need to enforce it.
Lead by example

Sometimes I just want to
Jump
Out the window.
Not to **** myself
Never that
I just want the rush
And I want to escape this place.

Justice
Justification
Punishment
Sentence
They are only
Politically correct
Words for
**Revenge

The faith
What is it?
And why should I keep it?
Maybe it's the collective faith
That I should keep?
Because my own,
Well,
It's fairly solid.
It has a strong foundation.
Thick walls.
Earthquakes come occasionally
It's fallen
Been rebuilt
Again and again
Stronger each time.
i must work on the
Collective faith.
Not everyone has
Strong faith.
No person alive
Is always built tall.
We all have cracks in our walls.
Leaks in our ceilings.
Loose doors.
And we are never alone in out
Faith-house.
There are friends inside
But more often than not
The majority is enemies.
To me
"Keep the faith"
Means to hold up each others' walls.
To patch their roof.
To bring housewarming gifts.
And to be the friend among enemies.

I don't know you
You've said that I don't before
So much I'll never know.
I'm not pushing you away
Am I?
I hope you know
I tell you more than anyone
Even if it doesn't seem like it.

The lion lays with
The lamb.
It is true
Occasionally.
I have seen it.
No, not with actual animals
But with people.
Within people.
The rage is near to the

Peace

And they can be sated.
But more often than not
The lion devours the lamb.
Takes it whole into its mouth.

CRUNCH

And the lamb is no more.
It is crushed to pieces.
And only the lion remains
Savage
Powerful
And
Greedy.

Do not let your lion
Consume your lamb.

Just a thought.

In a little over twelve hours
A huge thing
An essential part
Of my life
...
I hope it goes well
And I hope I can fall asleep.

I'm getting so
Lazy
But heck
I deserve some laziness
Not a lot
But my wall flips are looking pretty nice
So there.

What I wouldn't give
For just one day
To laze about
In the heat
With close friends
And just talk about whatever random
Crap we happen to think of.

I can never tell anyone
How I really feel
Or when I need help.
Because inside
I am a burning inferno.
Angry at almost everyone.
Tearing my hair out
Screaming at my tormentors.
It's too much.
Behind my kind and loving demeanor
I am angry.
I really do love and care for others
But I have demons inside
Who must never be let out.

Most of our talks
Are through letters
Text
Words
But somehow
Even through the distance
You manage to make me
Happy.

My love,

I didn't include your name
You know who you are
And I know you'll see this.
Remember when we started?
Four-ish months ago
It doesn't sound like much
Does it?
But it's been so great
I've learned so much about you
What you love
What you hate
Your interests
Your plans
And I've learned how much I love you
Well, not really
I have no idea how much I love you
After all, who can define infinity?
Truly?
We've had some fights
But honestly
I think that's a good thing.
They've made us stronger
Brought us together more and more.
And I just can't resist you.
I think you're so completely
Amazing.
I know you're excited about six months coming up
I am too
More than anything.
I know you worry
I do too
But everything is fine with me
At least I think so.
Are you okay?
I constantly wonder
Because you aren't always
And I just want to make everything better sometimes
But I can't
I want to do everything possible
I want to hug you
But even the distance between us
Keeps that from being an option.
At least it's not too far.
We get to see each other fairly often.
I wonder sometimes
How far do you see us going?
Because you know I was hesitant to
Pursue our relationship
Because high school relationships never seem to last.
Maybe we'll be the minority.
I hope so
Because you're pretty amazing
And so are we.
Even if we stop being
"Together"
I'll love you
Because that's just how it is.
A decision I made.
Our name is Kayge
I like it
Because it makes it sound like we're in an
Anime
A couple characters being shipped together
I think it's cool
Your friends have even said it!
Anyway
I could go on
But I need to have something to write about later
Right?

Sincerely and always yours,
                                                  Sage

Sometimes
I am stuck between
Truth
And the liar.
I know who
The truth is
As well as
The liar.
It's constantly obvious
To me.
But Sometimes I
Choose the liar.
I can't help it.
I don't want to.
But that's the thing.
Lies can be
Deceptively attractive.

Hey
I love you a bunch
It's been almost 3 months
You're an amazing person
I know you've been worried
I think we're ok.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I can't express it.
I try.
But I can't.
It's impossible.
I have this love for you
It's amazing.
Uncontrollable.
And now
That I am not
Wandering
From MY faith
I will have more
And more
And more
Love
For you
And everyone.
...
I love you.

Have you noticed
How throughout the day
The light changes?
In the morning
It is pale.
Somewhere around noon
It becomes
Warmer
Yellower?
After that
It becomes more
And more
Orange
Finally ending at night
With the orange street lights.
It's like a lifetime.
It starts
Young
And Innocent
Yet cold
And unforgiving.
It keeps going
And becomes slightly warmer
Learning about others
Accepting
But with slightly less energy.
As it reaches twilight
It is vibrant
At its peak
Loving
Caring
Learning
Hoping.
It proceeds to
Nighttime
It is the warmest
The most accepting
But like the cold, dark air
Death looms
Constantly threatening
To overtake this light
Which took a lifetime
To mature
And become itself.

It's getting late
In fact
I'm the only one still
Awake.
I'm changing that now
And not by waking up
Someone else.
I'm going to sleep
I reach to turn the lights
Off.
But suddenly
I realize that I am alone.
I realize how reliant I am on sight
I start to imagine things
Impossible things.
Following me.
Patiently.
Just beyond my sight
Wherever I'm not looking.

What are they going to do?
Take me?
**** me?
Transform me?
**** me?
I don't know.
But.
Just to be safe
I turn the lights off
In a way that I can
Always remain
In the light.
Until finally
I turn off the lamp at
My bedside
And hide under the blankets
Which somehow protect me.
I realize now
That I am afraid.
Afraid of the dark.

Lingering thoughts in the back of my head
Temptations attacking at times that I dread
Get out of me, out of my head
If not, be careful
Of the places you tread

You leave
Because
You guys are unwilling to be
Kind
But I guess
You were always about the easy way

I worry.
I am not sure
Why.
There really is no reason
For me to be worried
But
I am.
I have always preferred
Logic
Over feelings
And sometimes
I wish logic would
Control
My feelings.
Because my worrying
Has no logic
No reason
Nothing
But if I can't use logic
What
Can I use?

Where is my silence?
I cannot find it
Where is my innocence?
Never to return
Where is my comfort?
It seems eternally amiss
But I have nothing to complain about.

You say there's things I don't know.
The thing is
I've heard things.
Been discreetly told things.
You still take us
But I wonder if you really want to?
If you care to?
If you don't want to it's alright
But I really wish you'd clarify for me
Because my mind left without an answer
Cannot rest easily.

I never wrote about Love
Not before now
Because I was never sure
But after today
I think that I'm ready to try.

What is love?
Is it nothing but a
Chemical reaction in the brain?
Ascribing worth?
Maybe
But it's more than that
To me at least.

Love is
Knowing someone's full of faults
And staying anyway.

Love is
Making limits
And respecting them.

Love is
Your heart skipping a beat
At the sound of a name.

Love is
Fighting to not fall apart
When you disagree.

Love is
Wanting to give
A random hug.

Love is
Wanting to receive
A random hug.

Love is
Crying for
Someone.

Love is
The feeling I get
When I fight to tell you
"Kaydee, I love you"
And saying it anyway.

Finally, Love is
Crying
Reminiscing
Dreaming
Wondering
Waiting
Being

Together.­

I now have no control over how I love you.
I cannot hold it back.
I don't want to hold it back.
I just want to hold you
Talk to you
Fall asleep with you
Laugh with you
Cry with you

And that's why I thought I was ready to write about love.

To love
Is to give your life
Into the hands of another
So that in your pain
They give you solace.  
Those of us being given love
Trading our own in return
Love is such a sacrifice
Because seeing the one you love hurt
Hurts more than any torture
More than the most agonizing death
Especially when you cannot do anything
When I am useless to help my love
I wonder why I even exist
Why can't I be
A knight in shining armor
Ride in unannounced and carry her off
To a world of peace
Of freedom
Without judgement
Without those who care bringing about their
Ridiculous love for her in counterintuitive ways
You know she cares about you right?
She's trying
But I suppose that makes you angrier
Hurt more
It's so corrupt that in this world
Love can so easily hurt.

Your arms
Hold me lovingly
You constantly
Forgive me
When I ***** up
All the time.
We all can be forgiven.
All we need to do
Is ask.
That is your love
Other oriented
Self sacrificial
It reaches all of us
And protects us.
**Redeems us

Have you ever tried swearing at someone
Using the meanings of the swear words?
I'm gonna *** **** up female dog.
Well ***.
*** you donkey hole.
****** donkey *******.
Happy donkey mother sexer.

It doesn't work as well.

A cheap shot
Kicked where it hurts
Is exactly what this feels like
Stabbed in the back
And in the front
Images that make me see red
To forget and forgive
I'm so angry
But I can't let it out
Don't want to hurt those who I care
About
I don't know who I blame
Maybe myself
I'll put these feelings away on the shelf
In some drawer
Lose them
And try to be selfless

A thought
It could be anything
Cars
Video games
Books
A fun word
It's fun to see where thoughts
Go
If allowed to wander
They usually
Go
To sleep
Go
To perverted matters
They are not
Easily
Controllable
But they can be.
Or at least
I'd guess.
I plan to make
No
Effort to control
This stream of
Emotions
Ideas
Life
Because that ruins the
Fun.

I anxiously await tomorrow
Not because of any big thing
But one thing that makes my day
You
I see you in the morning
A few minutes
15 or 20
It's not long
But to even be in your presence
I am able to make it through the day
Because I see you at the end too.
You are my motivation
My bonus for completing the level
And you make it meaningful to go somewhere
I really wouldn't like to go.
I don't wake up early for school
I wake up early for you
Though I wish it was next to you.

I feel lost without loss bringing the feeling
Lost without you
My love
The one who makes my life livable
A reason to wake in the morning
And to fall asleep
Because I dream of you
I'm with you always
But times like now
I need your embrace
Your soft warmth pressed against me
Is all that it takes to bring me peace
Your quiet whimpers when you fall asleep
Snuggling close in the way that I love.
I need you right now.

Real monsters
Do not hide in grass
They do not
Stay off of the sidewalk
They are not
In the street
They hide
Just out of sight
In the hearts
Of men.

Have you ever just been in a
Bad mood?
No real reason why?
I was today
But I still had fun
It was like a
Break
From happiness
To feel *******
At the world
No person in particular
But I stood away from the others
I hope I didn't mess with them
Because it was my mood
Not theirs.
And I don't wanna share.

Though the thought is
Tantalizing
And I really want to
I can't.
At this point it's
A bit too much.
My faith agrees
But it's not fully that.
I am sure I'd regret it
And I'm glad you understand.
Yet another sign that we have a healthy
Relationship
Is your understanding.
Thank you.
*I love you.

The music I listen to
Would generally be called
Screamo
But it isn't.
It's metalcore.
It's christian worship.
And it's intense.
It makes me excited
It fills me with the passion
To combat the evils of this world.
To most people
It will sound like
Growls
Screams
And loud instruments.
But to me
It sounds like
Joy
Encouragement
Energy
and
Freedom.

My music
So varied
So magical
So powerful
Music tames the heart of any
Wild beast.
Even
The beast within me.

Listening to a phone call
My dad to my grandparents
I find what's going on
My dad fighting his bitterness
Striving to move on
And my mom wants some court hearing
To settle or something
Wouldn't really be good for her
My dad is being nice really
He would benefit
Get a healthy sum of money
But he doesn't want that
He wants this to not happen
He wants to go back in time
But mostly, he doesn't want reminders.
Throughout this, I have found a few things.
I respect my parents much less
I have no home any  longer
My mom is an idiot
Of course she is, she started this
Didn't she?
Or was it some doctor my dad
Forbids me to see any longer?
That somehow
After seeing this man, my mother looked
Hatefully at my father for months
Before telling my father she wanted to
Tear our family apart.
Or was it a coincidence?
I don't know
Of course there's things that I don't understand
But I know some people stay together for the kids
Are we not worth it?
Very few things make me cry
But when they told me
I did.
And I hate it.
I hate this situation
My parents
I just want to graduate and start my own life
I'll do it right
Get married once
Have happy and healthy children
Enjoy my job
Stay in love forever.
I suppose their feat was quite remarkable
They decided to get married after 2 months
And stayed together almost 17 years.
I can beat that.
I have to.
I'll stay married forever when I make that choice
That commitment
That covenant
I need to show them how I feel
How angry I am
But I won't
Because I don't want to make this worse on them.
I just can't...
It's not right.
None of this is.

Why is it that
When someone says my name
It almost always sounds foreign?
Not from another country
No, it's like it's someone else.
But then who
Am I?

Anytime I read
Poetry
It puts me in a
Sad
Mourning
Angry
Apathetic
Mood.
One of the reasons I dislike it.

Being with you
Around you
Near you
Has become normal
It feels so right
So natural
That I think this may be
How it should be.

What I have for you
A thirst for your touch
Unquenchable even with the most heated movement
Burning deep
What I have is not any want
No, it's a need
I need you
Badly
And I anxiously await the moment my
Hunger may be sated
Even momentarily.

I never
Want to give you
Pain
Ever again.
I know I will
But
I will try.
Because
That is all I can do.

An embrace I long for
That I witness and I want to cry
Because I can never truly share it
Not the way it ought to be anyway.
I constantly want to build towards it
And I want it more than anything I think
Joy in the air
And the most loving embrace.
I wish I wish I wish
How we are is great
But I can't help wondering where we could go.
I just want that embrace...

Today
I began a new life.
I am renewed
Reborn
I feel such
Overwhelming
Joy
That I can barely hold it in.
I think
If I make this mindset
Last past today
I can live life renewed
Loving
Faithful.

Am I too nice?
Or just run by the societal expectation
That you hurt nobody?
The 1% that care enough to be silent
Almost every time...
I would never hurt myself
I am hurt enough by others that that is never a problem.

What does a nightlight do?
What is it?
Not the children's kind
No
The person
A light in the night
The warm lamp in the dark room
The one who hugs you when all seems lost
The one who, when lost, cannot seem to find themselves
So the darkness needs to unite
We need to unite
To rekindle the nightlight's bright

I go to sleep now
For really one reason
And only that.
I have nothing to stay awake for.
My love is asleep
And I am not next to her.
Video games get boring.
It's too late for loud music.
My awake friend is mad at me.
Life feels like it's
Not all it's cracked up to be.
I just want to run away
But I'm stuck here legally.
So I escape to the one place I can.
My dreams.

No one knows
What your nose knows
Nearly as well as
Your nose knows
That your nose knows your nose
Better than anyone knows your
Nose knows your nose.

I have nothing to say
Nothing to write
Nothing to feel
No, not anymore.
Everything has changed
My eyes are open
And I want to close them
But what I've seen can never leave