i believe in karma
i let it take its course

id spend nights exploring the hell
id been abandonded in

I'm convinced love is a series of fleeting events brushing up against your cheek

you're a shooting star dear.

wipe out my existence,
and start me anew.

the monument i build i built
with the love you two gave me.
visit it.
it shall be the marker of our home.

your stranger name
is a dangerous
palette cleanser

it's a privilege and a responsibility to have someone listen to you.
Dont take all those gifts for granted.

my soul is steady
my mind is racing
as my heart rages for you.

i'll remember the shape of
your face as if
it the palm of my hand

cups of water
over the surface
of your plentiful
pool

oh how he crashes under the own
weight we made.
feels like relief as the waters flow
between him and me.
and i feel so calm
and he looks it too.
the warmth of the depths
like a warm blanket hugging.
So tell me why do I still pain.

i refuse to compromise
with the devils of this land.
flaws will measure about as far
as i keep them on their leash

even if time had no merit
some large part of me,
would wait for you.

my best friend.
that, i never forgot.
i don't leave anyone behind.

no retreat
no advance
merely
standing my ground.

tell me what it is there is to say
and with my sense I shall
find the truth to your love.

do you forget me with difficulty?
a room full of people
with the feeling
of one christmas light missing
amongst other starry hearts?
embrace that darkened part
and that light might still
go unshined,
a risk unmeasured.

i am tired of the shenanigans
i don't like any of you,
but my love can be
so easily abused
from the part of my heart
i left to you.

NO ROOM FOR FIGURING HARD FEELINGS IN YOUR HEAVEN

I'VE FOUND THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE IS A ***** DOWNWARD.
A SLIDE; A JOYRIDE.

i can accept failure
just as much as i can let it go.

i never felt the liberation of saying how i felt.
i took it too far,
too fast.
it truely intoxicating. all of the jars
i sealed shut for years bursting forth
with the power of my newfound soul.

the dreams get tough.
when the uncontrollable trip
leads me back to seeing your
middle split hair head.

i am powerless to even try to
look into your eyes.
i fail to even describe
the repulsion i feel from your
eyes. i wasnt there to see you,
but we watched along to a movie
in a theater near a cafe i all
made in my head. hoping,
maybe knowing, you were
watching along too.

my pathetic attempts of reconnection are just that.
when the barriers are so massive
i can only seem to play wall-ball by myself.

sorry to those that have no clue what in the sam **** im talking about lol

here i am integrating myself through electronical internet connectivity.
i will eventually integrate myself with the blissful nature connectivity.

what a thoughtful idiot

reeling, my heart.
you are responsible
i have paid my dues.

if you only get better through spite,
hate my ******* guts
and get to work.

Id like to hang from a tree
like a monkey with a carefree philosphy

But roots lie dead at the tree
and I wonder what I'll be
when death gives its final decree
And we turn over a new leaf
so I'm led to believe.
Because all i see is a painful plea,
but do i believe?
   I guess that's what stops my sleep

there is darkness
in death
and a light
that
pierces through
his cape

you wouldn't believe me
that some of those nights
were the worst I ever had.
and it just, kind of, kept happening.
worse when you were gone.
but, were you?

love is not a school of science,
    that is why you fail
       if you test
         for a grade.

maybe ill carry this loneliness to the next life,
an intrepid ghost: a hovering nomadic,
tasked to obtain series of higher virtues alone irregardless of each of their truely unobtainable natures.
for when I reach into that ubiquitous
nihility between the realm of our reality, I only feel the tease of God's fingers goading for my spirit-the light - to reach for greater as I grow lesser in the eyes of others; no more loving guise.
My heart does replete of its ironic painstaking undertaking. Beating a song only I would sing. Doomed listening for the slow drum that matches my own.

truth: delusion founded in another delusion.
If we don't know all the answers,
we are merely guessing.

the prospect of
love excites me
ive been shred
of my dignity
in love affairs,
so, with that,
I mend slow

but I think
there is something
special about you
I will learn
slowly in my
tender sensitive heart

I found my fears
and gave into them
I feared losing another
person I cared about
I didn't think I'd know
fear like that again,
I thought I mastered
it before
I didn't know how to
fight it like before
so it took everything
while making me feel
safe
I felt comfort while it
occurred, some part of
me wondered if I'd survive
something like that again
I felt safe and it was secure,
I had my own arms to hold
onto dearly
Maybe that means it was to happen, for sure
but a part of me wishes you still belonged here- to see if we could survive together this fearful storm and gloomy weather

i don't particularly need anyone to hear these thoughts,
i just need to say them.

love will be when I am embraced for every last one, and I will weep
with happiness in every space
there was sadness.

I want to hear the silent soft sayings
that are said under your finest breath,
to know the nuanced minutiae of your mindset.
I want to give into the power of your voice, be under your command and your heart in leadership, embrace the embrace of your humility, efface the face they make of you in vility.

You make me a slow burn in desire,
a brisk hike in Morning July,
with each step I take
I can take you higher,
stoking this promise that is my fire.

im the ***** laundry
of such
a clean closet
where you
hang your skeletons.

its hard being weak.
knowing youll fall into whomevers arms
are open.

once i concern myself less with how another thinks
and more in how i do.
and the ones who want me do.
ill be good.

time heals all wound

and when the scars settle,

the imperfections

make beauty

nice days will
remind me
of the ones
past.

in a way,
a nice day
is but a growth
from
your first!

once i stood to gain something
i could only see the fall again.
so i lay for days,
back in the trenches where I
work best.
whittling words,
praying for peace,
integrating integrity,
and daring limits.

when i go,
you'll have no one else to blame

twinkling star
you look so alone!
yet i can tell
there are others that
connect and constellate to you,
even if i can't see them.

winter's death brings
a renewal
there's comfort in it
when you're under your blanket
watching the world fade to white

there's something on the
other side,
a life after your past;
it may be worse or it may be better.
time will tell

I eat a petal off the flower
Of the flower of your love
Tangible,
Edible,
But otherwise forgettable

don't blame yourself,
don't blame anyone.

when you get that close to greatness,
you are prone to failure.

it's been around a year since
i lost some of my closest friends,
it has felt like a century.

I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
I'm a fighter,
   I love the eyes that think they know what they see.

is it scary to see a mad man's scribblings make some sense?

a cloud of an unspoken lie
shrouds and hides
the tether of my soul

My hearts a string
you've been plucking baby

they tell you to put it all in the past
to move on
so they can hide their crimes
in the drift of time.

but time.
it always favors good.