it's been around a year since
i lost some of my closest friends,
it has felt like a century.

I'm convinced love is a series of fleeting events brushing up against your cheek

I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
I'm a fighter,
   I love the eyes that think they know what they see.

Heaven is like a green tree
   that blossoms
in the Sun,
  it's the warmth of Spring
     but us sitting in its shade.

     it's like a cool breeze on
       a chilly river-side
         that sways her branches
             and eases her spines;
            relieves her leaves.

it'll never leave-
       if we believe it to be true.
it continues-
       even after our end.

they'll laugh at your progress,
degrade your regress,
try to cut you down; but
they'll never diminish
the belief in yourself.

i swallow your pride
and gag

some days

i lack the empathy
to care for my life.

those days
i will lay
as to not act.

specific days
i will go through month's of emotion,
breeching from the
war between my heart
and my mind.

In uncertainty's tender embrace I stand,
A flutter of wings, a whisper in the sand.
Love's essence, elusive yet true,
Bathing in wishes, our hearts renew.

Eternal longing, petals of ash,
Risking it all, for love's sweet clash.
Beneath dark skies, snow or stars,
A connection is formed through infinite bars.

Intimate moments, eyes that won't lie,
A hand on a heart, as passions fly high.
Through winter's black nights, you appear,
Snow and stars, a mystery set clear.

i won't love you
until your love
not come
out of hate.
i can't change
that in you.
there is a choice-
and you have
made it.

Walk as a tourist
through this world's wonder.

the vibrations of nature,
in which all are born and made in conformity with, and to;
it could be
an evanescent spiral of wind,       or
a tornado storm of thunder,         or
a firey warm cage of a campfire, or
a lightning bolt's string being plucked to a percusive slap.

they speak way more true than I.

I seriously can't help but lose this human form
in tune to the wind through my hair.
he, an escapist or a realist?
a good question, I often question,
is there a difference?

big cat
in a big pond,
have this rock.
the ground willn't
break.
safety where
i had found it yet
beside just myself.
and sure, swim to it in any time of need.
then where shall you sail ?
where will you see ?
will seas and seasons
be what time is to me ?

the spider in the corner saw a cry for help.
the man by the mirror saw them dead from the heights.
the man by the mirror plead for their lives.

preaching loss to those
that haven't seen its pure cosmogonal face,
like a vampire feeling young off a new-ly acquainted eternal aging, or
like a future wall you supply to backs in tired moments of humanity, or
a revelry of armor in lessons of the past.
true loss-
a virus of our machine
spreading through cracks in the seams
of one's soul and
dominating your every will
and clamping shut
every peek-hole of home
in leagues of the deepness of sea
of a non-comforming depression.

to question why you get up,
is not as important as getting up.
it speaks so true of that
devil's irrelvance.

just trying to play well
in these mental sicknesses

i **** in my tears
stand there sinking them in my eyes
just so my skin can stay dry
through a canal built on my bones
its river rushes against its ramparts
lucious waterfalls into my organs
and out of my soul
but fills that well of some Old.

Oh!  Love.
Love is amazing.
its like um,
Uh
Its got a lot of,
yaknow;
uh...
Whats that called again?
Ergh..,
...
Wait I remember!
...
Uhh.
Hmmm.

am I cool or whatever ?
           sweet or something ?
  annoying or not ?
prone to mockery ?
lovely or lonely ?
              clowning or frowning ?
    goodly or badly ?
                     what am I ?
a pink toast bubblegum ?
tough-toothed sleuth under-summed ?

am I smart ?
                                                   am I wise?
am I hurt ?
                                                    am I nice?
am I right ?
                                              am I alright ?
am I dirt ?
                                               or despised ?
am I him ?
                                                    am I her ?
am I sane ?
                                                 or besides ?
am I wrong ?
                                            I wish I knew !
I wish I knew !
            I wish I could know the known !
am I the walk ?
                                             am I the run ?
should I talk the talk ?
                         should I look at the sun ?
would it be that much more fun ?
                                       should I give up ?
should I give in ?
                                          should I let go ?
should I hold tight ?
                                    forfeit to the light ?
or sleep in the dark ?
                                    am I the monster ?
am I the mayhem ?
                                           am I the hero ?
am I the savior ?
                                        am I the friend ?
am I the enemy ?
                                           am I the rival ?
is this tribal ?
                                                is this libel ?
or liberty ?
                                           am I freedom ?
or captivity ?
                               am I love or nothing ?
hate or everything ?
                  is this too long for pleasure ?
too short for knowledge ?
                                           am I the view ?
am I the new ?
                                              am I the old ?
is this gold ?
                                              am I boring ?
too questioning ?
                                  too understanding ?
have you stopped reading ?
                           have I stopped writing ?

I don't care if it takes years,
I'll sit and wait
until it feels right.
and at that time,
it'll be glorious.
I'll know God
like she's
my second sister.
I won't even
remember when
I missed her.

the times will come
where
       when is all desolate
    and the what is ruin amidst
           so many of how.
                  but within the love lost and love
found,
            I'll be thinking of you.

faith bends bullets
in hailstorms of fury.

unscathed, if you believe all are your ally,
even when on the business end of the barrel,
you will be mattered no harm through
love's armor.

the king of hearts
is a mighty card to hold.

there immutable power
in enduring life with hope,
love, optimism, access to dreams, and humor.

problem solving comes easy with your being full of light, your weightlessness,
and the desire to let go the pain of the oblivion where there are the shadowy chimeras.
they, truely, just patiently waiting to be transmogrified
in the blessings of the rest of your sunny days.

the sanative heart
can only overcome
hurt while it
operates within
its realities.

if you are unsure about your identity,
seek it.
in every gracious way.
your story
relies on your
intuition;
of starry nights,
of love everlasting
securely protected
by the will of some
higher shimmer.
pray that the ocean reflect that
nightly heart you call yours,
sailing into the undying determination
of both the oceans and sky's
vast ubiquitous nature as they
only seek to boast your journey.
for when the storms may come,
that you
only add to the sea
with your tears.
therefore to the still
nothingness that permeates
a dark sky.
so that each drop will
constellate piercing light
in the veil of space.
and there to,
will be
your memory of conquering
a nightmare to a dream.

she deserves love,
but does she deserve my love ?

my love has been molded by a cruel
world with nursing hands and
blessed by its mystical wandering
quandaries, is it right to allow
her into that tempestuous labyrinth ?

I am a lucky individual,
lucky to live, to have this life,
lucky to feel the sea breeze,
lucky to face the strife.
My life is in order
and here I am to face it.
I still feel that,
my past calling to me,
but the wind's at the front
and the before is no longer
needed, but 42nd street
is my home.
I am bound to this
fate, whichever I shall
face, lesser or a greater,
where's the difference?
And which shall be in place?

Some are fearful where I am pleased
and the skyline's aura calls me to new horizons.
The bird soars
where I am grounded
only thirst keeps me from
driving forward
driven forward.

Let's take a second for appreciation.
I kind of wonder where I'll go.
Will I go to the greats?
Do I even care about that?
You had your own destiny,
but I borrowed your sweatshirt,
doesn't it look better on me?
This beach is beautiful,
absolutely beautiful.
Not really much more I can say
but a lot more I can document.
A lot more I will breathe.

is it noble to hate who harmed
  whom love
i lay in wait
  to hear the judgements
i lay crippled
  in knowing their hate
i soar on
  the dark never controlled me

i still have the love within me

a grand sorcery:
knowledge; harbors one's own wealth.
abracadabra.

How silly is it

Earth's true unification

Would be alien war?

Sometimes seeing is believing.
Some tend to look.

With the heart's compass, no map;
but led by the nature's call.

And atop the highest mountains the yells will mark the place that you can still see deepest valley.

The landscapes of this world are treacherous, yet all the rewarding. Knowledge gained is knowledge used and with each mile treaded in life the soul is carried onward to brighter sunsets.

the wound the wound,
yes, the wound.
it is still there
for it has not
yet healed to
a scar.

sweep me off my feet
but don't tackle me to
the ground.

one of
the greatest gifts that has
been presented is an
empty book and a pen

It'd be interesting to
document my thoughts
and prayers or meditations or imagination
1:1.
There's always some bit
of confusion.
Do you know what I mean ?

Ya, no-
I'm certainly not really all that good at what I do.
my words land in mud
but I'm calmed by the quicksand.
and please just swallow me Earth-
your demands are too oppressive
and your reasoning too foreign.

Comfort has distanced far but from the ghosts
of the skies.
and any touch I am gifted are shoals in drought.
like eternal fasting.
but I never mean to appeal to pity, yet it can appeal to me.
and sometimes I am strong, but it's in vain.
and sometimes I am weak, but I lack further.

At least I can tell it to your face I am not depressed.
Nor cry a tear unrighteous.
Nor will I die from my own hand-
Ya, no. not me.
I know the privilege that is life.
I can at least be proud of that, right ?

And for when I sink, my mind keeps begging the question, "what happens in May?".

the other day, dear,
the tears came from
your sunshine.

for as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed of us dancing melodies
and you tenderly gazing across my eyes.

but when I awoke dear, I was mistaken.
yet I had faith,
so I prayed
you not stay
from my side.

I'll always love you
and make you happy
if only that you would do the same.
I hope that we not regret it all
some day.

You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

you've unlocked
an inner sanctum
of childhood within
me
golden days
understandment,
love, and my
most intimate
lore

you are a
brilliant
friend when
you choose
to be,
an excellent
conversationalist
and dancer

you made it
feel like my
mother was
alive and
discussing
every thing
my heart could
contend to
express

meet my children,
I'll hunt you to
discover them.
indefinitely yours,
indefiantly born-
even if you are
lost to this time,
I will find you again

in the land of enchantment
    and poison
I don't need your prayers
    I need your voice in
a place where it is no longer.

Some people keep the good,
some people keep the bad,
don't hold it against me if
I can't quite keep track anymore.

I'm too far gone
in my fallen
terrible poetry
to save you
any receipts

All the longing
that's been endured
to be back in
another's arms
just to now be so unsure
whether I'm ready for it

For it'd be nice but it'd
be wrong for me
to love you so deeply,
to pick you up, just
to let you down easily

I'm moving through life
so hastily, at pace
for my youth.
moving to each and
every block as new

When I'll stop no one knows.
but when I do,
when I arrive,
I'd hope to see you there
waiting on a park bench

your body is a temple
adorned in black fabrics.
adored, my eyes gaze
upon it like the first precious stone.

to lay my hands upon your altar
I would be given
essential,
a touch of divinity
that I'd be nervous
to handle.

do you ever get anxiety putting your whole self out there?

I wonder if you'd love the small me -
those little moments in my fixed self,
how I spend my time alone,
my little lonesome moments,
and what makes a man or woman.

Is it scary of me or are we scared
of what we hear of what
we can be ?
Little notions guide me
in my soul represented;
I hear it in the corners of my mind,
what has been said of what charms
and leads me. I wish I
could say I'm not a part of some of
what
they say of me, but we are
everything that has been made
and unmade of us: and this may come as a surprise, but it for sure is
good.

We are complex like that.
Every story, every line, and
through time.
We could write it together,
we could write it apart,
we could even write it against;
let emotion guide us
or logic lead us
or neither
or either or
neither and
either between.

Loving one does
not mean you hate
the other.

I care only for this dance,
however we shall dance it.
It need not matter how.
You matter to me.

who affected this effect
what was the larger cause
that killed our bond

sometimes a
deep rest is
needed to
heal sleeping
wounds