How will you watch the love of your life love someone else?

Don't.

I woke up to her silence screaming at my heart
It was a quick punch in the chest, lasting for minutes
Funny, that didn't hurt at all
I didn't stumble, looking for your last words
I didn't have to fight the whispers telling me to keep going
I have grown used to the pain I felt nothing at all
That particular night made me feel hollow
I've always believed it's better to feel something than nothing at all
It didn't bother me anymore

I tried remembering
Remember the first night you had a nightmare and told me it was you being happy with someone else
Remember walking down the street with no one beside you because I walked really slow
Remember going out and not feeling a tiny bit of happy inside
Remember how we fell apart, how we fell apart
Remember how my silence was your music, your lullaby
and how yours was an arrow stabbing me over and over
Remember how you fell asleep crying, asking me to never cross the line
Remember when you had a dream about being with someone else and didn't even flinch about it
Remember how I stayed up all night, on your bed side, trying to pick up all your broken pieces and putting them back together
Remember how I tried to put you back together, blood in my hands, for you to wake up whole again
Remember how I saw you whole, complete, again but I knew then it wasn't for me
Remember how desperately I tried to keep up with your busy life, whatever it took, I did
Remember how the words slipping out of your tongue were all out of routine, all the I love you's and the apologies
Even the silences were not genuine
Remember how all the butterflies went back to being just stupid caterpillars
Remember how you pushed me away and told me to leave you alone, I stood there out in the cold, waiting for you to take it back
Remember how you eventually fell in love with someone else and never told me about it
Remember how the flowers I gave you didn't look pretty on your table anymore, but somewhere hidden, maybe at the back of the closet
Remember all those times you kept me as a secret, I sat there in awe of how capable you are of killing me
Remember when I asked why, and you hesitated
Remember how I emptied myself for you just to make you feel like you have something inside
Remember how I poured myself, everything that I am, to you, but you still chose to be empty

**I still remember how you forgot.

Holding on a thin thread
I see myself walking back
Back to your eyes
How empty, how heartfelt
Pulling back now
The past is terrifying
Our past is beautiful
Too beautiful to put into words
I try to write your hands back on my skin
I beg for the air to sink in my lungs
You robbed me of the last piece of my puzzle
Give me back the good parts of me
Leave with all the doubts
you plan on leaving me with
Pack all the promises
you decided to give to someone else
Shut your mouth
Your hum still ringing in my ears
I want to draw, sketch your face on my mind
Then erase it with all our fights and silences
The aftermath of today's roller coaster feelings
Your name on my tongue,
Your words still seared in my memory
Standing here
holding your almost-gone fingertips
Letting out my last sigh
Hesitating
"You can go now."

My life has always been the darkest place one can imagine
No one ever dared staring at my dead eyes
No one tried climbing my walls
I was too consumed with the thought of being alone
I was used to being enough, because there was no competition
No one dared to knock because the slightest noise comes in disorienting echo
No one tried to play with my demons
They bite, said the note on my chest
Everyone hesitated when I opened myself to the world
Everyone, except you
You braved your way to **** my bad habits and worst thoughts
I started believing
Not knowing that loss can be so terrifying
When you left, you took my demons with you
Replaced them with compliments that are now empty

I believed, then
When you left, all my pieces are confused because they are also part of you
I lost you
I lost hope
I lost

i gave in today
you are my worst
but best first impression
i gave in today
you were out of sight
but never out of my mind
i gave in today
you were out the door
with all my favorite books
like taking away all that's best in me
i gave in today
i gave in
you let out a sigh
and said you loved me
loved
loved
i gave in today
i gave in

i am tired
of being tired
of being drained
drained of everything
that i have
and that i am

That the thing,
you don't understand.