Hello
My son does not believe in you
he says I spend too much time with my books
maybe he is right
but if he is, won't that mean our downfall is imminent?
if you're not real neither is my hope
and so I must believe
for you are our only chance

He asks of something great from me
but why me
why have I been chosen?
I am not a great warrior
I do not aspire to be a leader of men
I will follow his path
but if I don't follow him wholeheartedly
will he abandon me when I need him most?

There is no God
I abandoned that idea that when he let my ancestors drown in fire
nothing you believe will change that in me
say what you will, just know
there is no god, there is no heaven, there are no angels
there are no prophecies
there are only survivors
and I plan on being one of them

There is nothing uglier than a blank white page
I get sick just thinking about it
It's nothingness
it's meaningless

a blank page disgusts me
because of what it could be
that page could save my life
if only I wasn't so afraid to write on it

I should have done something
Shoulda woulda coulda...
Sorry I picked the wrong one
I COULD have done something

Oh you think that's ******* huh?
You thought your mind was made up?

Well I think that's *******
You didn't tell me you didn't want me
You told me you didn't want to see me
There's a difference
The first implies you do not trust me
While the latter implies you do not trust yourself
Which I found very curious I might add
What could I possibly do other than exist?

I've told you how I feel on numerous occasions
Have you simply forgotten?
Im tired of this
Of Grand gestures that will only fall by the wayside
They didn't built the pyramids with the intention of watching in awe as they crumbled

So why me?

What makes me so special
that you can tell me you've moved on and that you never will all in one breath
Do you realize why that should be impossible?

A friend of mine asked me if I love you

I said yes

He assumed this would make everything simple
Go get what your heart desires!
But why?
Who cares?
If I convince you to love me back we both know it will only be for a day
And so then what would you have me do?
Spend the rest of my days proving my love to you?

I am not Prince Charming
You will not find shining armor underneath my button down

I guess it all comes back to what I said before
I know it's not much and I know it's all I have
But I love you
And I don't know if that matters to you or if it's enough or if you care
But that's what I've got
I could write you a thousand songs
But it won't make me love you anymore
I'd start a war for you if it could mean I would love you more
But that is not possible

What your asking me to do cannot be done
For what I feel for you now will never grow as you expect it to
Because you can not add onto infinity
So although yes logically I know I COULD say something
I bear the burden of being the only one that knows I can't