There is no God
I abandoned that idea that when he let my ancestors drown in fire
nothing you believe will change that in me
say what you will, just know
there is no god, there is no heaven, there are no angels
there are no prophecies
there are only survivors
and I plan on being one of them

There is nothing uglier than a blank white page
I get sick just thinking about it
It's nothingness
it's meaningless

a blank page disgusts me
because of what it could be
that page could save my life
if only I wasn't so afraid to write on it

I should have done something
Shoulda woulda coulda...
Sorry I picked the wrong one
I COULD have done something

Oh you think that's ******* huh?
You thought your mind was made up?

Well I think that's *******
You didn't tell me you didn't want me
You told me you didn't want to see me
There's a difference
The first implies you do not trust me
While the latter implies you do not trust yourself
Which I found very curious I might add
What could I possibly do other than exist?

I've told you how I feel on numerous occasions
Have you simply forgotten?
Im tired of this
Of Grand gestures that will only fall by the wayside
They didn't built the pyramids with the intention of watching in awe as they crumbled

So why me?

What makes me so special
that you can tell me you've moved on and that you never will all in one breath
Do you realize why that should be impossible?

A friend of mine asked me if I love you

I said yes

He assumed this would make everything simple
Go get what your heart desires!
But why?
Who cares?
If I convince you to love me back we both know it will only be for a day
And so then what would you have me do?
Spend the rest of my days proving my love to you?

I am not Prince Charming
You will not find shining armor underneath my button down

I guess it all comes back to what I said before
I know it's not much and I know it's all I have
But I love you
And I don't know if that matters to you or if it's enough or if you care
But that's what I've got
I could write you a thousand songs
But it won't make me love you anymore
I'd start a war for you if it could mean I would love you more
But that is not possible

What your asking me to do cannot be done
For what I feel for you now will never grow as you expect it to
Because you can not add onto infinity
So although yes logically I know I COULD say something
I bear the burden of being the only one that knows I can't

even if you leave
we will gaze upon the same
moon amongst the stars

I wouldn't want to live forever
I'm serious
like the way my dad looks at me now
I couldn't imagine seeing that forever.
That look will always be seared into my head
It's not just the good things that stay with you
it's all the bad stuff too
sure dreams exist but nightmares do to.
It won't always be good
you know that right?
You could be buried alive
or live to exist in a world you can't escape

I get why it's romanticized I do
but I don't see how thousands of lives
spent in search of a purpose
are more important
than a life lived right
so spend your life climbing mountains
and volunteering at the shelter
if you want
those things are nice
but they aren't fulfilling
if you don't want it to be with me that's fine
but don't let yourself miss out on this