defeat pricking the dimpled surface
listening intently
manipulating, orchestrating & feeding the fears
butchering all sensations of opportunity
she curls up and loses identity
she kisses goodbye to serenity

escaping the stifled claws of society
she gulps the tangled energy
vibrantly gleaming
but not quite beaming
she rewinds back
back to a crisp January morning
when the walls didn’t scream
and life was a dream

feed me through a tube
tube linked to my mind
feed me til my head is full
full enough to make me blind

dish up those greasy lies
the cold goodbyes
force-feed me some facts
facts delivered alongside another story

wait until all i feel is guilt
and when it starts to disintegrate
send me a little text
reminding me to slump back into that state

you’re not doing anything
you should be doing everything
i’m appalled, disappointed, you’ve caused so much gloom

oh, actually
now i love you,
give me attention
now get out of your room

i’ll twist your mind
tamper with your thoughts
then i’ll play the victim
so i’ll never get caught

why are you so down my dear?
did someone hurt you?
or cause you fear?

yes, someone is ******* with my emotions
you want to know who?
well i don’t mean to cause you guilt…
but, it was you.

beating heart, pumping blood through a body
a body so lost
a body with no soul
a body so cold

in existential depression
simply calling for a response
existing in a pool of love
remaining comfortably numb

on a journey out of the fog
loving & living
formulating a path to triumph

she is fierce & fabulous
a dynamic woman
natural, strong & feminine

this road is going to be…
this road is,
incredibly spectacular

eating less and less
so we waste away
eaten less and less
i can see more bone today

why, you ask?

so you notice me
so you fall for the thin goddess
so i am a strong contender in the fight for your love

isn't it funny
waste away
become nearly invisible
only in an attempt to be noticeable

your cuts heal quickly
but they are so frequent
on and off
on and off
like a persistent, infuriating tap

you’re out to hurt, it’s your guilty pleasure
you’re the predator, I’m your prey
my silence is your measure
my silence makes you stay

you possess the key, the ability to ****
I need, no,
I will take it back
and then when I bleed…

I bleed clarity

not pain

vivid sights of flashing lights
music dancing around my ears
innocent fumbled dancing
body let loose whilst we clutch our beers

your stare was cold and evil
auric field becomes crimson
plan is clear, you slowly get near
i am unaware, but suddenly i am so bare

forceful and firm
my friend is now an enemy
i am frozen and paralysed
no one can hear my internal cries

numbness spreads like a disease
my innocence shatters
each section slashing my heart
only slightly so i still remain
but enough to endure the pain

your hand slithers around my being
parts you know you can’t touch
you think you own me, all of me
silent on the outside, when i want to scream so much

why me?
you took the power to reveal all of me
it wasn’t yours to take, it never will be
but that night, i belonged to anyone and everyone

countless tears, panic & sleepless nights
aren’t you lucky i didn’t blab?
was all this worth it?
just for a few unwanted grabs

mind is vacant
bones are aching
the warm shivers, the dull tingling
it takes over me, it becomes me

mind spilling over
question after question
who knew the huge difference between loss & lost
loss is my soul, lost is my name

feeling numb but feeling so much
head in the clouds
body in the crowd
you can see me but you can’t touch

that doesn’t stop you though, does it?
sick of the same ****
you repeat yourself all the time
pain repeats itself all the time

head ready to explode
heart ready to implode
all this is going on, but,
I am vacant.

You stand so tall, towering over
Together and prepared
But deep down, are you scared?
Whatever you say goes, I hope my gratitude shows

Troubled, confused yet so sure
Do you think we’ll ever find the cure?
Losing your identity, it’s the cold-hard truth
I’ll never forget the sorrow you caused in my youth

Gentle, sweet and warm
Nobody senses your inner-storm
I’m sorry you can’t see the light
I’m not sure if there is one for you, you never put up a fight

Broken beyond repair
Life without your love is not one to share
I wish I could help in some way
But the loss hurts me too, so I stay away

You come and go so often
So meaningful at present, so easily forgotten
Thanks for all the good times, they were fun indeed
I must remember, romance should be a want, not a need

I know you inside out
I know what brings sadness, fear & doubt
You’re really trying, it makes me proud
Energy shines so bright, internal peace screams so loud

lurking in the shadows
lays a slumped figure
lost for words
lingering for love

lets get the party started!

today we are women in motion
clinging to our independence
whilst power radiates through our being

to all of the people who inflicted pain
they hurt & hurt, seeking power to gain
i know you hear my song
you’ve never seen me so strong

so run away, be very quiet
because guess what
i’ve started a riot

the flame ignites freedom
a solitude tear creates ease
we are free, much to your displease
walking together, without your demons