Fear fed my focus
on the unsettling questions,
suggestions and thoughts
which seemed to run like a film
ever projecting // never ending.

Fear fueled and seared uncertainty
into my heart
and threatened my ability
to beat //
to breathe
correctly

Soon my lungs were collapsing
breath was decreasing
which began to impair
my vision
I then started losing and missing
the pitches of clear sounds

Which now clearly suggested
I was losing my hearing
I could no longer smell
the burning
the thirst and yearning

So tasteless and speechless I
bitterly reached out for something
near me
yet struggled to touch it for the anxiety was consuming

I found myself so
incapacitated with worry and fear
-for what it might unveil
so quickly in a sense,
I had lost all of my
senses which ultimately led me
down paths // peaks // planes // and valleys

These innate abilities were stripped // ripped from my grip
someone please find me //
before I lose everything and find
it all to be permanently
a part of me...

I feel so old
yet I'm so young
I can tell you stories upon stories,
experience upon experience
yet I'm always craving more.
Lying awake on those 2 AM-can't sleep to save my life-nights,
all I have is guilt on my mind.
I've been through so much,
but my mother has been through much more at the hands of me.
Why must I have a wild soul?
Why do I love to alter my mind?
Why?
It hasn't become a problem,
though it could at any time, I'm sure.
People don't go altering themselves with the intent of getting addicted, but it happens more times than not.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
I believe it's because I want out of this world.
My soul screams through my chest to be let go, released into oblivion.
Yet I cannot abide by this request, so I drudge on another day, beverage in hand, pop a pill, escape escape escape.