A man of pain
A man of Cain
Entered my life
Like a two edged knife

Fist decorating with bruises
There is no release, he refuses
Sleep is denied, mind turns to mush
No escaping, till my breath is hushed

My death is there within his eyes
Air shut off, harshly denied
Hands wrapped around throat
Till mind shuts off, then floats

©Pauline Russell

Late last night within my dreams
Chasing the wind, it showed me scenes
How it carved the mountains steep
Made the canyons very deep
Showing me cities centuries old
Glittering in the sun layerd in gold
I watched as the wind carried the sands of time
Burying the cities up, it felt like a loss it felt like a crime

I chased the wind so very far, I had to know
How do you pick where and how hard to blow

"Child by now you should see
I am not in control of me
Like every force of nature, we harken to His voice
What I do is His choice
From the gale winds that tosses ships
Or tornados that through communities rip
I'm the cool kiss on a soldiers sweaty brow
At their feet I spread the sent of death so foul
I touch every single blade of grass
Flowers nod a greeting as I pass
I do my masters bidding without question
Every single thing is but a lesson"

"Brace my friend, Your Winds of change are about to be
You'll no longer have to go chase me
Begging the creator to let it be good just this once
To let you taste happiness and joy in abundance
Through way to many years I have watched you cried
It saddens me all your tears I have dried"

Though you will look but never see
You will always fell the essence that is me
I was your first breath of life, that first pain filled cry
I was there every step, every stumble along your journey, I promise to be your last sigh

©Pauline Russell

If only my loved ones knew how hard I've fought
If only they knew all the directions I've sought

Agony finally overcame me, now out on the rim
I hope they know my last thoughts are of them

©Pauline Russell

Refined by the fire
Of others sins and desires

Brash and bold
To hot to hold

Beaten with wrath
A ****** aftermath

Left with the weight
Of guilt and hate

Made to succumb
Reliving what was done

Every night in my dreams
It plays like a movie screen

Echoes of screams
Bounce off of moon beams

Thrashing in a sea of white
Over and over, the same fight

There's no leaving the past in the past
As every night it leaves me aghast

So take that advice
That's like raw nerves under ice

Think about it thrice
For it is far from suffice

My war rages on
From dusk till dawn

©Pauline Russell

I thought you were a friend of mine
I thought you was a treasured find

Only when it came to fruition
Did I see the true situation

I was no more than a pawn
You just played me all along

I opened my home and heart to you
On my friendship you just chew

As you spitting out words of friendship and love
While holding that anvil out of sight, high above

Now I'm flattened once again
Loving people my greatest sin

This time I refuse to mend
This time I snapped, I didn't bend

For evil is what I receive from men
This time I refuse to have another friend

©Pauline Russell

The count down has begun, imploding inside
Memories run rampant, bump into, collide
Explosions hidden just behind the eyes
Self destruction lies just under skin and a grin, a worn-out guise

Most never caring, never looking any deeper, tell them your fine
On the outside making it all perfect, every thing looks aligned
Self destruction, grief, and sorrow combine
With tremendous anguish and pain I've been assigned

Desperately reaching for a caring hand to guide
Want of love and hugs are implied
But my cries are ignored and denied Anger shows it's hand, as I shove everything to the side

Why is it on my heart this torment that lingers, forever to stay
All the while these rapidly changing emotions I'm trying to slay
Pushing everyone and everything away
Loneliness settles in for the long harrowing stay

Only love will make the sorrow depart
Every fiber of my being pleads for that fresh start
It will only take one caring heart
To picking up pieces as I fall apart

©Pauline Russell

Please little pill
Help me not to feel
**** it where it starts
Right there in the heart
As sorrow gathers up and multiplies
Tears trickling, gone is my disguise
Please dear pill rush to my side
Let you chemicals be applied

Awww, feeling no pain
As the drugs tickles my brain
Maybe I'll live through today
But as for tomorrow who's to say

©Pauline Russell