the worst is not knowing what was real
which "i love you"
which deep, longing gaze into my eyes
which last kiss with hopes of another
which caress that wasn't meant for another
i wish i could hold on to the good
but what was a lie
what was a dream
what was us


*s.q.

Two minds exist in one space
I'm beautiful in such a unique, one in a million way, deep down knowledge tells me
I look in the mirror, it's not outside beauty I speak of
Can anyone else see it?
Do they want to spend the time looking for it, digging to the bottom
Will I ever find an equal, ever find someone who sees with clear cut eyes
Or will I spend this life in the shadows of solidarity, strange perspectives and too much for the shallow, vice filled lifestyles
Was I brought into existence to exist in this space? Or am I entirely in the wrong place?

Sometimes
I wonder
am I more saint
or sinner
Is it
self-preservation or
selfish and me-centered?

And how,
how can I know
when Your voice feels
so far off?

Am I saint
or sinner
self-preserving or
self-centered?

Your voice isn't sounding
all I hear is silence
And I beg,
I plead,
Lord,
am I a saint
or a sinner?

Sometimes I can't breathe
my soul
suffocating in
questions without answers

What
do you see, in me?
Saint
or a sinner?

Do I delight or
disappoint,
You and others with
this life I'm trying to live?

Questions
begging answers
can't rest until
they're found

Saint
or sinner,
self-preserving or
self-centered?

"God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: He makes saints out of sinners."
― The Journals of Soren Kierkegaard