A creature that I live with every day
Creates something that I can not escape from.
Something that follows me and rapes me of my happiness,
Something that recreates the worst parts of my life
And forces me to watch, paralyzed in my own bed.
The Creature has dyed red hair, brown eyes.
The creature weighs 136.2 lbs and continues to gain more.
This creature is 5'8" tall.
This creature shares the same name.
The same putrid name as the girl who
Fell in love with someone who saved her life,
But had to convince herself to keep loving him
In order to endure the thing he said to her.
The same ugly name as the girl who fell in love with
Someone else, but ignored him because of her guilt
And then kissed him only five days after
The one who saved her dumped her on her 16th birthday.
The same name as the girl who forced herself to feel
Numb because everyone who surrounds her
Tells her not to feel bad because they have or had it worse.
The creature screams, trying to make her happy, trying to
Please her, make her leave.
SHE REFUSES. Every day, she lays down and can't get up because
Nothing is worth it. The creature ignores her pull.
She leaves bruises with her fingers,
But the creature is used to the pain.
The Creature tells me:
*Life is worth living. The future is worth seeing. Life will be hard:
Demons may scare you and block your path,
Demons may haunt you and infect you, they may change your mind.*
And the girl agrees:
**But changing your mind hand having those demons inside you make you who you are. They affect you and let you become something that no one else can be. The future is worth seeing. and the past is worth accepting.**
I don't know how to find a middle ground. I am still trying to cope with something that happened two years ago. I am at war with myself. I want to be happy, but its so difficult to get past the sickness inside. I need help, and I have it, but I am not getting anywhere. I am trying to gain independence and learn for myself, but multiple factors are keeping that from happening, and the only way to relieve some of that stress will cause even more of another stress and more sadness than I can imagine. I can not deal with everything happening at once. Everything is crashing don and I cant ease myself into it.
