I tried to be Insta-famous
Insecurities celebrated
Half naked, for the attention
High on pillies, money, vacation
With every notification
Filling the void behind my left breast
I worked for it
With body goals like this

Rock solid abs
Icon: fire and 100%
A whole snack
A girl that don't crack

Strip on that pic
Like Cardi B on that pole
Dancing around men
With the only goal of getting rich

Hurt them
Slight curl at the corner of my pillow lips
Ruin them
Feed the feed with self-admiration

It was the meds
or was it?

Inner ego
Remain incognito
Only every other photo
Only then you can show
How you could work that camera phone

I'd feel so at home in Wyoming;
Married to my television
Cigarettes for breakfast
I'm at peace with my shaking
Clipping branches of my tree
To feed my precious pets

I never played the game
Rolling dice around my teeth
But I keep my eyes on the window
Let the creeping wind in my belly
Be all that makes sense
Thrown like a doll in the corner
Unblinking for the longest time
Measured by the shift and click
Twisted legs coiled like cables
Sealing Matthew into his box

America's fables never spoken
Her reputation and misadventures undeserved
Fit like latex on an amateur surgeon
My cardboard house unfolded
Everything in a tanned leather briefcase
I just forgot the combination
827 - 125 and the button slides

Why can't I leave my things in a crate
And ship myself off to a Grecian island?
I could be sung to sleep
Just as in my room
But now, my dear Johnny, Oldboy,
It's gloaming on Elysium
My chest is still beaten upon
I file the cold edges round
Empty another carton and call it a day

Through anxiety's loss,
I entered a shop,
And was introduced to my new friend,
Ambien
We couldn't keep our hands off each other,
So I kissed her twice before leaving the store.
We then went on a little walk, I wanted to know more about her but I really had to read into it.

We arrived home at my girlfriends house,
Surprisingly, to my luck, everybody enjoyed Ambien being around.
She gave everybody a good laugh,
And seemed always warm and
welcoming to the point,
in which we would become confused.

One evening after spending too much
time with Ambie.  My brain began to,
ooze and melt from too much affection.
Arguing with walls,
countless eyes, all staring at me.
Talking to ghosts,
asking them to leave.

As I woke up that night,
I looked to my right.
To realize Amber had left me.
Going through casual short terms monthly.
I still find pieces of her, and I'm clueless   Do I ingest or understand that the past is the past.

Am I more comfortable now or was I too comfortable then?