Once I tried to convince myself that it was seasonal,
And that it would pass like the chilly weather.

Then flowers started to blossom,
But I was still stuck in the bud of my mind
And birds came back from migration,
But my happiness didn't.
Though there were no more flurries of snow in the air,
There were still blizzards in me.

Now, I wasn't only freezing,
But I was alone.
While my teeth were chattering,
I watched everyone else have fun in the sun.
With no one here, no one to snuggle up with, it's impossible to keep warm.
I tried to reach out at least a hand to their summer world,
But it could never reach me.
It's almost like I have a repellent on me,
And no matter how hard i scrub,
It always remains.
But of course, I'm not going to drag others into this winter with me.
Because I know the nature of it.
And I wouldn’t want to inflict it on anyone;
Once it begins, it'll never end.

This eternal winter
has no escape.
This eternal winter
Will be the death of me.

I wish I was stronger
That my mind would leave me alone
I keep trying
Pushing through all of these walls I've built
I keep trying
To focus on the little things to get me through each day
But each little thing is getting harder than it ever use to be
Why can't I just stop
Stop worrying about how I'm meant to do this
How I'm going to get through this
Stop avoiding life and carry on get over it and move on
I wish I didn't feel so strongly
But the emotions I carry weigh me down so intensely
I don't want this to be who I am
Yet it's how I see myself
I've got no dreams or aspirations
And I find that really weird
Why don't I want more out of life
Why can't I see a better future for myself
I just continue to get stuck in my head and weigh myself down
I'm a burden to myself
And I resent it more than I should
I wish I could see the light the silver lining behind it

I'm breaking and can feel my cracks
Expanding and loudening with every snap
Emotional turmoil and feeling delusional
Will I be jumping off the plank soon?
Will I be tempted to pick up metal again?
Will I try to escape from all the pain
With that chilling bright pink and red?
I can't go back down there again
Down the endless pit my mind constructs
Every now and again to put me in my place
I've been so happy, been feeling so full
I've had him for support until he leaves
Then I become an inanimate vessel
For a breaking, shattering mind
My body feels tender and pathetic
I had so many plans for productivity
Excitement for senior year,
Getting my **** together, finally
Tossing and turning
Anxieties are rushing
Shooting pains so numbing
Woke up to find splotches of bloodstains
A whole *** massacre on my bed


It was my ******* period.
No wonder I'm so constipated