no one knows
Of the demons that plague your mind
Taking a strong grasp over you every day
Stripping you of your happiness and using it to simply grow stronger.

No one knows
that you hide behind a smile,
a normalized sense of humor that just screams
“Everything is OK, I’m OK”.

No One knows
that you’ve lost who you are and
the search to find him is like searching for a fish in an ever-expanding ocean.
You don’t want to be yourself,
You want to be changed, someone else.
You want to beat yourself,
You want to be beaten, bruised,
to prove for once you’re not weak,  
because that’s all the demons scream in your head.
“You’re Not Good Enough”

No One Knows
All you want is a way out,
A way to escape this labyrinth,
But the pain from searching for a way out only gets worse
With each passing day.
And as you search, the demons chase you down,
You yell at them, “Just Let Me Be Happy”, and they say back: “but,
you created us.”

NO ONE KNOWS,
NO ONE ******* KNOWS.
because they can’t.

I met you
We've been bestfriends
We've shared a lot of memories
We've been separated

We kept in touch
We talked almost everyday
You share everything with me

I introduced my other bestfriend to you
You guys been so close
Even you haven't seen each other yet
It seems like she knew you more than me

I was once the one whom you talked to
I was once the one you rely on
I was once your bestfriend

Did she just replace me?
Is she more than me?
I am the one who knew you for years
She just knew you for a very short period of time
Yet she acts like she's your "bestfriend"

Do I regret it?
No
Do I feel mad about it?
No
I envy her
I wish to be her
But no
I am more than her

I will understand it now
Just now
I'll be more considerate
I'm happy, you are happy
I'm fine..

sometimes i dont eat
the longest i've gone
is three weeks
i lay in bed ,my stomach in knots
cant stand up too quickly
dont wanna see spots
my body failed me again
bile came, hunger left
i cant quite remember when
water is my only friend
it soothes the hurt
acid reflux temporarily ends
water runs down my throat
when i move, it sloshes in my belly
sound like waves against a boat  
heartburn comes at night
my body and brain are at war
im kept awake while they fight
headaches come back
it hurts to open my eyes
i know its from the calories i lack
when i can handle a taste other then bile
i eat and eat , i'm called a pork chop
i know its a joke so i hide the pain with a smile
if only they knew
how i hate my body
and the pants sizes i blew
but its something i keep to myself
no need to bother someone else
its not like am a fragile doll on a shelf
....or am I ?