Throw away that dastardly pastry,
don’t eat that muffin or scone,
run from that evil bakery,
leave them well enough alone!

Wheat, barley, rye and oats,
these are our greatest enemies,
remove them from our plates,
so they no longer rumble our tummies!

Let's start a blog, issue a protest,
we'll boycott Panera, Wonder Bread,
the Pillsbury Doughboy,
and have Quaker-Oats seeing red!

There’s no stopping us now,
we’ll bring all grain to its knees,
its high time our irritable bowels
do as they please!