I wish you understood
What goes through my mind
When I think about you,
Being away all the time

I hate that you're at school
And away from my clutch
I just want to hold you
In my arms like a crutch

Because you are my support
Every time I fall down
Now I have to get up
With no one around

No crutch or no cane
To help keep me sane
When I ramble the thoughts
That bring pain to my brain

It's so ******* hard
To sleep late at night
My arms, they look for you
But you're nowhere in sight

So I reach out to,
The closest thing I can do
Pick up my phone
And say "I really miss you."

Yes.
I know.
It is irrational for me to think like this.
I poke holes, second guess
and jackhammer at my own foundation.
But, you see, I do care even when
I come off as crass or I dishearten
your image of me.

I
Just
Can't
Stop
Myself

These destructive feelings
and urges towards relationships
are deep rooted in a fear
of abandonment.
I'm a battered man.
Batting below average.
Yet, every chance I get
I bunt or try to get hit
because that's more comfortable to me
Than swinging and missing.

But I do care. I really just don't know how to show it.
I hold on too long to brief moments
that seem to pass from memories
as if I stole them. I'm just nostalgic.
It's the little things that are big to me
and the silly stuff that resonates profoundly.

I do understand though.
The burden of my depression
rests solely on my shoulders.
It's not something I can brush off or
roll over. I just hope that you all
bear with me as I tunnel my way
out of this insanity.