The time ticks by like a leaky fosit.
A slow leaky fosit.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

My mind shys away from
The thoughts of you. That
Every drip drop
Echoes another second closer to
Losing you.

Alone in the Empty night.

The tears flow down slowly at first,
Resolving into a waterfall.
Uncontrollable fears, icy cold current,
Dragging down to
Unrelinquished pressure.
Sopping wet boots,
Suctioned to numb toes and feet,
A weight that won't let go.
Reaching up...
But there's no purchase on the
Slime filmed rocks.

Tortured... Drowned.

Maybe...
If I was more, if I was better,
Not so moody or
Inadequate. The way I always am.
Maybe if I could help him,
Try a little bit harder,
Give him everything he wants,
Sacrifice everything for him.
If I could be a better version of
The girl he dreams of
And change the person I am.
Maybe, just maybe,
He would love me more.

Maybe he wouldn't leave...

it seems to me
I've been doing much of the reaching
in all my relationships.

Not that I meant for that statement
To come across self-righteously.

I just don't know how to voice all these words.
Or if I should even try
When it feels like I'm talking to a
Concrete wall.
Grey,
Like me, but no chance of falling down.

I knew everyone would leave though...
Forgotten.

It's the moments that
I reject contact
That you should be worried about.

Would you have me
Quit and break
All the promises that
I made myself?
The promises that make me feel
Proud (for once)
Of myself?

I can tell by your shoves, that either
You want me to,
Or maybe you don't realize
What damage it will do.

Is it really love?
Is it really love if you don't realize
What damage could be done?

But you would... and you have...
Only because
You would have me...

Wouldn't it be better if
I was forgotten,
Just like I planned all along?

The others easily have.
Months and months,
No words, no calls.

Alone in this silence
I distract my tears,
Dancing with my imagination.

"I'll be fine" I say,
But we both know
I am wrong again.

Right now, just waiting,
For someone to find me,
Who makes me feel like
I'm worth remembering.

But I doubt you remembered that.

Left alone again,
After he took my words and
Broke them to pieces.

Black and white flashes
Behind these closed eyes.
The echoes,
Growing too loud,
Pounding against the inside of this
Skull.
Crossbones. Poison.
What you've done to me.
It feels like every time I think of you
A hot knife plunges deep into this same
Skull.
Searing you again and again into my memory.

How do I get rid of that?

Sorry.

I'm a *****,
I'm evil,
And I've only ever led you on.
Wanting,
Begging you to use me.

I shouldn't be so upset that you did.

and that you have broken every single frickin' promise you made me.