Aztec Andy's abode was a dorsalfinned cathedral.
Inca Ian was his neighbour on banks of the Fongufeasle.
Inca Ian's residence was a portholed volcano...
Or were their gaffs prefaffs of adobe & gold? I dunno.
IOUs on Andy's quipu arrears of human sacrifice,
when he encountered a jaguar, nonpouncer most polite,
decked in snazzy golfslacks & proffering sage advice
in Morganfreemanny, mammalian-masonic matey voice.
'Alrite, Andy?' spoke Jaguar, 'Say, I heard from Inca Ian
you're all out of Olmec odalisques; devout, nubile, heathen
volunteer tzompantli t'malanoint w/ treefrog slobber,
then slit from stem to stern w/ your consecrated stabber
- not best joboffer... P'haps most puissant Pashungo
is new deity for thee, Andy, now's the time to unfollow
virginovorous Ningovice, current blessing provider
for whom gore congeals upon temple table like sunflower
toms drying. Taboo tabasco of Mayans' sprayin' midriffs
never tamed Ningovice's terms or propitiatory tariff.
You should switch to Pashungo, mate!' the Jaguar softsold.
'Ian did' - w/ pythonic aplomb his tail pointed to portholed
volcano yonder. Aztec Andy wasn't born in the Bronze Age,
there'd be some mass grave formula & clause to assuage
this god on four legs, Pashungo. Andy owed it to old idol
to first unscroll small print in codex of Gaznumplepecol
to be informed of penalty plagues Ningovice might visit
upon his crop of afterdinner lint & upon the spirits
of Andy's ancestors, Ningovictecs all. 'Worship Pashungo
today for limited introductory gift (no jaguano
passes these liquorice lips),' insisted Jaguar, his whiskers
waggling distinguishedly. Like one of Jaga's lectures
to Lion-O, a tutelary trait to junglecat's sales patter,
& a twinkle like early onset feline Alzheimer's,
chatoyant bants in the leopard-lookeylikey's langtries,
his lookers lacking overblinking of beast who deceives.
So th'Aztec advanced towards pantherpimpled proselytizer,
who thru couchant-sejant-sejanterect- rampant roared a riser
inopinate, clawful carnivore cosh thwacking
w/ newton bump of Reg Varney's ***** busjacking
a doubledecker, fryingpanning Mesoamerican sun-moonie
flatfaced & flat out, tho' like he'd lost match of '1-knee, 2-knee',
Aztec Andy fell prone, flat on his face. So as his next meal,
Jaguar dined on Andy's spine like a strawberry jellied eel.
Back on his Aztec Hi-tecs, Andy hadn't a cat in hell's to scramble
- moves like Jagger going for the jugular had Jaguar. Who'd also hornswaggled
Inca Ian w/ Pashungo mumbojumbo for a previous feast,
tho' kippercision of supine Ian aped bloodcounting savage priest's.
I'm sure you've heard to beware Greeks bearing gifts or even
but now you know to never ever
trust jaguars in natty trousers.
quipu= Inca string and bead abacus
tzompantli =Mesoamerican wooden rack for displaying skulls of human sacrifices & war captives