I remember that smile,
Radiating brighter than the sun,
The light escapes,
Runs
On and on,
It's only till a few years pass by,
I look past,
As the window creeps in the sunlight,
Shining and casting ever so perfectly,
Missing you,
Without you it seems out of place,
Your skin kissing the warm cast on your arms,
While your song would play in the background softly,
His essence is what I shall always cherish.

You're the one who walked by that homeless guy who once needed change,
You shrugged it off saying it wasn't any of your business nor any of your problem,
Never say your twisted tongue has never said something mean,
Nor ignored someone while you roll your eyes taunting,
Don't act like a smooth criminal because I see its your alter-ego,
You live each day so cold-blooded only to care for yourself,
You only obtain thick-skin when your are given authority,
Yet your a wimp amongst the majority,
You think not to stand beside that 'African-American',
You say it's because he is black he will steal your wallet,
******* racism that's what it is,
Your foolish stereotypical brain-washed mind,
Clear out your narrow minded thoughts,
He is from Nigeria worked hard and immigrated here,
But you wouldn't care to ask nor care to think otherwise,
Your ****** thought patterns will never change,
We are people and of all different colours,
From all the same ancestors,
Let us live together in once was peace and harmony,
Not commit acrimony.

Sometimes you don't hear it,
Other times it blares outloud,
You are constantly reminded,
As you check your stopwatch,
Ticking every second,
Counting every moment until your last breath,
Saying that time is running out,
Worried that time will slip out of our hands,
Worried that the time we spend is pointless,
Worried about the job we have,
The people to impress,
and the family to take care of,
The time we have is now,
The time we take to count,
count for every time we check the time,
Takes up more time,
Remove that glue that binds your eyes to a clock,
and start living your life and
Stop watching it like a hawk,
because no matter what time of the day it maybe,
it will,
*Tick Tock

They say it is religion,
They say it's history,
They say it's science,
For me it's a mystery,

They say it's honesty,
They say it's law,
They say it's witnessing,
I'm confused by it all,

The truth,
A universal yet complicated story,
The truth,
What we fight for each and every day,
The truth,
What is it...

The truth here is,
We all are in hopes of searching for that truth,
The truth of our exisistance,
The truth to our core purpose,
Our truth....
The truth.

They say core classes are suppose to teach us, things essential to everyday life,
This ****** education system needs to be stabbed with a knife,
Since when will I need to graph a parabola,
Math is need for finances and taxes blah, blah, blah.
Yet there is, oh so much that I need to learn,
If I got the chance every textbook I would burn,
Since when will I ever need to explain the history in the life of Shakespeare,
When will I ever need to write another ****** essay based on contrast and compare,
Since when will I ever need to explain the body parts of a frog,
The only thing that these core classes have done is they've made me into a helpless dog,
Since when was memorizing information defined as learning
I hope when my children get older it's the ****** education's death I will be mourning.

If they only heard,
The thoughts that ring aloud,
Vibrating,
Pulsating,
Thumping,
If they only saw my potential,
Their surface level judgements refuse,
Refuse to dig deeper than the pigment,
The pigment of my deep coffee coloured skin,
The thoughts that might change the world one day,
Or the actions that may,
For one day I hope it's not all just black and grey,

Tumblr,
Tum more like blur,
My thoughts chaotic and cluttered,
My heart so eager yet flustered,
But I can't seem to always want to check up on you,
It's something I do,
To numb myself from it all,
From reality,
From myself,
From how I distance myself from others,
Yet it's impossible,
I thought it was one of those things a I could package away,
Throw my feelings in a stored box,
Lock it with a key,
For it to not bother me,
But it feels like the box returns back to my door,
When the "Smallz"est things remind me of you,
Tumblr,
Tum,
Blur,
If I wasn't so focused on you.
Tum-blur

I'm stuck between my desire and reality,
what is "best for me" verses "what I want",

Hopeless and worry wandering thoughts,
being good enough,
Over and over I fought,

fought with myself,
my identity lost in the sheer mix,
trying my best to uplift others,

Before you I was lost,
Without you I don't know if I would have made it this far,
I felt like the cause of it all,
The fights, the commotion, the screaming,
But you were steady and still,
waiting for me to lie on your shoulder
and hug me and tell me that it was going to be okay,

you were there to hear my cries,
to hear my sorrows, my worries,
For once it didn't feel like a burden.

and P.S maybe what "is best for me" may not be BEST FOR ME.

An uneasy gut feeling,
My heart sinking down to my stomach,
Breaking slowly,

My head throbbing,
For what reason was I feeling guilt,
Feeling guilty for living how I wanted,
Making me feel guilty for experiencing happiness for once in my life,

An uneasy gut feeling,
One like never before,
One that I didn't dream of experiencing,

They tell you to take the path less travelled,
They tell you to make your own path,
See well I'm not on a trail,
I'm not near any path,
I'm on a sinking boat surrounded by the ocean,
I have no way out.
I'm stranded and forced to deal with situation I'm in.

And as I sit in this boat pondering about life,
I have this... Uneasy gut feeling

Simply can't deal with these voices inside my head,
Repeating over and over,
Saying I'm not worth anything,
Isolation slowly become my bestfriend,
The only medication, that helps my heart mend,
"Stop trying"
"Why are you trying so hard?"
"You mess everything up"
"Sit there drawing your worthless drawings"
She says as she breaks the coffee cup,
These fights, the rage,
Never-ending bitter talk,
These voices I try and block,
Have no hope, they just build in me anger,
For now I write this hatred poem,
Which she would say "Throw it in the trash, it's just as worthless as you"
The voices repeat, All left now is to take a seat and watch the nothingness pass over me.

Walking me home,
Your hand slips down to the small of my back,
Guiding me to my door again,
It feels like a routine by now,
Never have gone past this paneled glass door,
Where just one date has led to something,
Something much more,
I can feel the breeze on my skin,
Sends shivers down my spine,
And the purple-blue tones casted on that face of yours,
The colours of the city lights
And the hope in your eyes,
For how long will I sit here in gaze,
Your a constant reminder of what I've always wanted,
Or a reminder of what could've been,
I never thought it be this hard,
Just *Walking me home again

I wish someone warned me,
I wish I could plea,
Plea guilty,
Guilty for wanting to embrace you in every thought,
No matter how many times we fought,
What it was like to have someone like you,
Someone like you taken away,
You're like a never ending symphony,
Your name is a harmony,
You live on,
In this mind of mine,
I wish I could stop reading into all these signs,
The signs that keep reminding me,
What it was like,
Losing someone like you.
Number 52.

I might be silent but my thoughts are loud,
I know you think down upon me for you are proud,
Proud to be the most popular person in this whole **** school,
I would rather be a witty fool,
Than be a self-less conceited person like you,
Who chases on the weak to prey on,
The one who gets joy from bringing others down,
Thing is your just like a clown,
You look nice and are funny that I know,
But many are afraid, for you're not the person you show,
Don't tell me twice, I already am aware,
I will never be one of you, I swear.