as a child
images were put in my head about
how life could be and should be
no one ever explained that we made our own destiny
we chased what we wanted to base our lives off of
wether it be growing up to be a doctor just like mom
or setting out to be the Stoner that i am
enjoying time in the woods
listening to the sound of nature
while token a bowl and facing reality threw the eyes of
someone who has seen the worst of it
as well as the best of it

You ever wake up in the middle of the night real thirsty, and so you go downstairs, or across the house, or whatever, to get somethin' to drink. When you get there you know you don't want water, cause water's got no flavor, but you don't have any juice, and its too late f'r tea or coffee. And you **** sure ain't got any of that bitchmade caffeine free herbal **** either, so you're just left with water, so you drink it even if you don't wantu. Then you start feelin' real upset and dissatisfied what with the fact that you just had to drink water, but then you start to feel bad about feeling bad about "only" havin' water, what on account of all them little starvin' children and whatnot, so you decide to drink a whole nother glass just out of spite towards the little ******* who made you feel that way, determined as hell be grateful as **** this time, but it still don't work. Don't work at all. So you just go upstairs, or across the hall, or the house or whatever, all bloated from like forty ounces of lukewarm tap water and you just lay down all bloated and dissatisfied and sad and questioning the meaning of your terribly mediocre existence. Then you start to feel really down, and questioning like the meaning of things that don't need to be questioned and all. 'En by the time it's gettin' round to like 5 in the morning you realize none of this would have happened if you at least had juice. Hell even koolaid, but it's to late now and you're still all bloated and sad and you just fall asleep cursin' juice and all the ******' different kinds of fruit that make it, and made you feel this way, what on account of the transitive property. Ya well, what I'm trying to say here is, **** fruit, its the reason I'm so Go'**** unhappy.

What is it, Really?

Is it an abstract state we reach when we achieve something?
A virtue spent avoiding the ***** of tomorrow while the sands of time sift through
This gaping hole.

A mole inside each and everyone's head.

Is it a fulfilled part of humanity where everything is just sanity
And this dilemma becomes a person who lives, & walks away?

And will that person ever become a joy in the end
Undone by all those spent virtues
For just a vacation?

A breather from all the stress, accumulated by the success
That became a mess

Just to prove a point.

**** me running, with the laws of the world
Stunning the harlot from today.

Time lapses while the world relaxes and the system
Just unfolds, on the better winding
Yesterday.

But the real question remains, the phase that we relate to
The daze that crazes us while we smile;

What happens when we succeed and THEN sleep with the ******* of life?

Oh that *****,

Sadistic, realistic, ballistic, narcissistic,
A stick up the *** of everyone who smiled,

The seducing failure becomes a part of you
While you do what you never do
And you move when the world revolves.

And now in the end, the meanings that won't mend
The trend becomes collapse.

And your absent mind, becomes your reality.

Glimmers of hope,
You give me a lot.
And whenever i see you,
My forehead gets hot.
I get weak in the knees.
I could just die.
But then we get to talking,
And I get lost in your eyes.
A forbidden feeling
I indulge in too much.
A flickering light,
Thats hot to the touch.
On again
Off again,
Those relationships stink.
But ours is quite different
Well what do you think?
Thats the thing.
We can never talk about this.
For our relationship,
Dosent exist....
Yet.
Remember that word,
It means I still have a chance.
And that needs to be heard.
Now my head is a mess.
But you won't know.
Your lounging in the warmth,
And I'm shivvering in the snow.
I want a conclusion,
Is it a happy ending?
So do you like me or not?
Can we quit the pretending?
But i can't ask you this.
Ive said this before.
Im going on and on,
Im becoming a bore.
But theres so many questions,
As i lie in my bed,
"Did i say the right thing?
What goes in your head?
What goes in your head?
What goes in your head..."

Now you all know,
What goes on in MY head,
Now i can sleep,
Knowing this has been said.
Goodnight.

He didn't wait to say good bye it was easy to run and forget about everything.promise made were never kept it was lie after lie.an other text message to say he can not see me this weekend.

To busy drinking beer all night long my heart was breaking.dads don't hurt you or say you were a mistake that he can not change.i cried he laughed my heart became so cold.

As he walked away he didn't look back not even once I guess he will ruin someone else life.some day he will think about the things he did he'll be alone.drink to forget its all act as if I don't exist.

When I look back I don't cry any more thank you for making me a fighter.each day I get stronger while he grows weaker by the week.walking away was the best thing he did.

A castle made of smoke and ash
that squashes the cloud and makes it rain
a black and gray that falls
when clean snow was meant to come.
The floors are ash
and the walls are ash
and the windows are blackened with smoke.

There was a lady in white
she's now an old crone in tattered gray rags
who stares through the floor
because the window's aren't worth cleaning anymore.
Her hair hangs o'er the drawbridge
and down cloud
and sometimes it shakes
and you can see the white like electricity
even through the gray.

We like to think we are hard to understand
Intricate mazes with twisting chaotic paths
Leading to numerous outcomes
Mysteries woven within our stories
Constantly changing and always anew
We like to believe we are elaborate structures
Constructs of pure ingenuity
Winding corridors with infinite knowledge
With mysterious doors holding plethoras of secrets
Darkened halls to shroud our true motives
Stairways up and down, leading anywhere and everywhere
We like to fool the world
Building these zig-zagging stories
Losing the truth the farther we burrow
Forgetting who we are in the labyrinths of our minds
Forever lost in what we have become
We lied to ourselves
With broken confidence, striving to be who we want
Rather than who we are
Living in a world of other grande designs
Trying to keep up against time itself
We doubted ourselves
Unable to look at the mirrors which spoke the most truth
Turning away and hiding in the lies we fortified around us
The barricaded conscience, locked away and ignored
Emotion took hold and there you sat
We all sat and wondered
Where would "I" fit in this broken world
Of towering deceptive motives
Glimmering pedestals of deceit
Trick rooms and evil men
We all asked ourselves "Where will I go"
When people see the place I've hidden myself away
Calling us out, asking to venture, deep through our halls
We felt simple opposed to the world
Far greater stories, fascinating, colorful
And our structures crumbled
And there we sat
Alone, where the world could see what we ignored in that mirror
But we understood
That Truth can set you free
Despite the lies we make ourselves believe
For simplicity is truth itself