She is a succulent bunch,let me be helpful,
if you don't get the complex chemical scent,
I call her ,"a girl of unpredictable
meeting places"inotropic, is her effect,
She sends heartbeats way up.
Delectable too, she was, every time
I tasted certain parts of her.
Her avatars are numerous, like Hindu Gods
With specific  intention for each incarnation
Onee will be pushed in to neurosis,
if doesn't completely relish her infinite variety.
She is a cryptic mystic,
for a while  from signals
I discerned and firmly believed
Or is she just a  creature mysterious
Doubt raises it's head, like a lotus
From slushy pond
My eyes met her at the level of  her eyes first,
the rest in a haze to me was invisible,
Then my heart sends a message
"Right now, I missed a beat here"
Heart then recites a poem,
tells me, it is all her making
"Don't fall in love" heart's advice,
"Go, dissolve in her completely"
Even my own heart has crossed sides,
or is it truly an advice for my sake?
Love is a hallucinogen, get it?
she whistles like wind at bamboo groves
from within sings like a thrush,
she is a magpie, or is she a koel?
Nocturnal animal, in need of mating,
making calls, frantic SMS, incessant.
She is wind and water, elements
that make one burn and drown
She spreads her yoga mat on the floor,
asks me to sit cross legged Indian style,
I am already for that in my mind,
So I spread eagle in corpse pose, indicating, "All through my life", mother earth gives me warmth.
          Shanti,   Shanti,   shanti

one, two
buckle your shoes

three four,
open the doors

five, six
seven more tricks

nine and ten,
writing in pen

eleven, twelve,
don't hurt yourself

thirteen, fourteen
fifteen years

sixteen, seventeen
eighteen pills

nineteen, twenty
and thirty will ****


I promise, sweetheart,
you'll be beautiful

so come on sing with me:

one, two,
three more pounds


a couple more,
you’ll be **safe
and sound

when I wanted to turn my wrists into christmas gifts and slice them with paper cutters to see if I could find a better tomorrow written in my veins

where were you

when I wanted to pour my tears into a Xanax and Clorox cocktail and get buzzed on the thought of angel wings tearing my back open

where were you

when I took a heart shaped box full of rotted sweets and poured it in the gasoline that lit our first kiss, watching the good intentions burn to ash on the pavement

where were you

when I tore up the tear-stained ink-heavy pages of love notes and tossed them into my backyard stream

where were you

when I took off the bracelet you made me and tied it to the traffic sign on the bridge where the police found me

where were you

when I was handcuffed to a bench in a stone holding room singing our song over and over again, screaming unintelligibly at every officer who asked for my name

where were you

when I called every night, wondering why you decided not to speak to me anymore

where were you

when I checked my messages and saw "*****" where I said "sweetheart", "******* ******" where I said "I'm sorry."

where were you

when I tied my last hope to a tree on the beach and swung from it

where were you

when I prayed the rope would snap just as easily as my heart did

where were you

when I stood on your doorstep in the rain, wishing that I didn't remember your address

where were you

when I was passed out on the curb, drunk and alone

where were you

when I was curled under a desk, screaming at the rain and kicking the locked doors

where were you

when I was at the cliffs, counting the jutted rocks and trying to measure the exact angle I would need to fall

where were you

when I finally decided enough was enough,
and took every piece of my glass heart and used it to carve a new person

But love,

where were you

when I needed someone to hold me while I was hurting?