i need the windows
open
to be able to breathe

what if you were empty
and i was empty too

and we lay together
for just one night
underneath a cracking sky?

swollen raindrops
would fall
and land on our smooth skin

you would lose the bet
that i thought i would win
and i'd whisper to you
my greatest secrets
and all my fears
and you would murmur
to me under a falling star
your own

and it would be enough
that one night
wouldn't it be?
it would be worth an infinity
because time
is just an illusion
and just one night
twelve hours
is forever
to me
when it's with you

I want to be awoken
By a dream
At two in the morning
And miss him
So hard
That my entire
Body aches

I want to see him
In the street
Plagued by illusions
Over and over
Until I start to lose my mind

I want to write him love letters
That I send
Or keep in a box
Always ending in
‘I love you’

I want to cry
At the sound of his voice
When he can’t stand being apart from me
And I want to cry again
When he hangs up
(He can’t bare to hear
The sound of my voice)

I want to ponder life
With
And without him
At the edge of a cliff
As I walk into the tide

I want to love him
Forever
And jump
When you touch me
In a way he used to

I want to write poems about him
And read all the letters he sent me
When we were happy
And when we were sad
And when he was angry
And try find the secret
That was screamed
At the both of us
That made everything
Not enough

I want to feel his feelings
Across a room
And leave because it hurts too much to stay

I want to learn
About him
And people
But mostly about me
When he’s gone

I want my heart to be broken
By a love
That really matters

Fingers, gentle
Fan over my skin
Caressing
Fragility
Your eyes close
At the steadiness
Of my pulse

Beauty
Hidden away
I wish
My heart
Would race
Like an echo
Of your own

It stills
When your lips
Crash
Against mine
Ravaging
I wish that I couldn't breathe
I feel your eyes
Burning
From across the room
Your breath
Hitching
As I come near

Why can't I feel,
Star of the Clouds,
When I want so badly
To be able to

We were drowning
So rapidly
That night

I have to remember
That I don't merely need
Your kisses to breathe

I lie on the green grass
Soft
Curling
Against my skin

Golden sunlight
Filtering
From the blue
Blue sky

Music
Mixing with the sound
Of a bird
Of an insect
Buzzing
Humming
I hear the echo
Of your hello
Of your goodbye
In my head
Still

I feel
The warmth
Of the sun
But if you forced my head
To the East
Forever
I would swear
That it had
Never existed
The way I can swear
That our love
Is an illision

Incessant
Thoughts of sorrow
Of longing
Buzzing
Through the grayness
Of my subconscious
I'm tired
Of starting to go
Crazy

the sunlight fell over your skin
and seared my mind
with the imprint
of your enlightened
beauty

scar me
again
with the blade
of your lips
against my neck

we keep
searching for words
that sound
like flowers

echoing
in autumn
before they fall

but all we ever find
with tired
hopeless eyes
are the words
that sound

like crumbling
petals

There was once a boy who was so in love with a girl that he forgot her.
He forgot her eyes
Glittering like the sea
And her lips
Curved like a scarlet bow

The freckles across her nose
And her arms
He forgot the shapes of each one-
The constellations that they made

Her scent
Her skin against his
So smooth that it felt like nothing
Her cool hands
That burnt her in summer

He forgot the way to felt to hold her
In his arms
Pressed to his chest
The way he voice sounded
In the morning
At noon
In the evening
The fluidity of her laugh
The sadness in the way she held his hand
And the change in her heart beat
Against his fingertips

He loved her so much
That he forgot her

He stares at me
Across the room
Save me
Save me
He shoves words down his throat
Until he can’t see
And he covers his eyes
Until he can’t breathe

Daisy Buchanan
Once said
That there was nothing better
A girl could be in this world
Than a beautiful
Fool

When I smile
With flowers in my hair
And innocence
Pooled with naivety
In my eyes

I hate myself

there is a poem i started
with the first letter of your name
it's not very long

the only word worth seeing
and poem worth hearing
is your name

are the monochromatic colours
not
enough for you?

black and white
like the gaps
filled between your hand
and my hand

music
notes
on the paper
that blows away
with the grey
rolling off
the sea

slam the keys
the way your lips
and your gaze
slams into me

and read the lines
and the gaps
between
that represent
sweet poetry
under
the pale moon
and the daunting sky

is it the dark
or the moonlight
that makes the
sad
shadows
fall across
our open arms?

flames
moving across
our feet
make us dance
in the grey light

pulling us in
separating us
and filling our minds
with words
pressed like the flowers
we press
to our lips when we are uncertain
hiding under
the absence of the moon

sparks
falling
and landing
in our hair
shattered pieces
of home made
fire crackers

kiss the mark better
please
before it leaves a scar
mirroring the crack
in my heart

i don't talk about you
or ask about you

i don't want to hear
someone else saying your name
with a smile
or a frown

i don't want to hear
someone else telling me
what i only i
used to know

i don't want to hear
from someone else
that you're happy
though i hope you are

i don't want to hear
from someone else
that you're sad
though i hope you are
a little bit
too

i don't want to hear
your name
coming from my lips
or tumbling from my mind
but i still hear
my voice
after dreaming of you
and your eyes
whispering your name

you're raking your fingers through your hair
again
scarring my heart
with the calmness in your eyes

your words tumble out
like the light that glints
on the top of the river
drowning me
in what they all think is fragility

your smile
is a tattoo that i wear imprinted
on my wrist
where you would kiss me
murmuring
how i smelt
like the rain
in summer

drag me under you
again
i don't mind being in the darkness
when there are stars
resting above your shoulders

You are the train
Going past
At three o'clock in the morning
Making the window panes
Shiver

You are the rain
On my roof
Falling
Softly
Loudly
Recklessly
Echoing
The tracks of my heart

You are the wind in the leaves
Running their fingers
Over me
Green
Stained gold
By the paling
Descending sunlight

You are the waves of the ocean
Falling and falling
Grabbing onto
An idea
Onto a shore
Only to be sent away

You are the shots
Of a live
Imagination
Crashing
Beside me
Running

You are the whistle
From the steam
Filling the kettle on the stove
I still
Make sure there's enough water

You are the footsteps
Known by someone
So well
Coming up the stairs
Sure and safe

You are the sound of a whispered word
Into a lover's ear
Hypnotizing
It doesn't matter
What was just said

You are the pluckings
Of a guitar
On a cloudy morning
Soft
Swaying
Moving
Making me dance
In sadness

You are the sound of your voice
Wanting

he always asks
why i am sad

he always asks
why i would choose the sadness
over happiness
every time

i don't want to be happy
completely
because i am
an echo of my soul
and there are parts of me
missing

abcd  g  j   m

i used to wish
that the sun
would stop wrestling
with the moon
and be up
at the same time

and then i realized
that they always were

your time
isn't mine

slipping through my fingers
the way it slips through
the curve in the glass
on your dresser

illuminated
by a shadow
your tears
fall like diamonds
heavy
and sharp

enlightening
the spilling
night sky
with the way you count each star
including the sun
before it has risen

Don't be so angry.  The world owes you nothing. It isn't trying to hurt you or make you wear how unfair it is on your wrists forever. It didn't ask for you to exist,  so don't curse it for the day you were born on, or act like it's an inconvenience around others for you to breathe and murmur and stare. Stop.
Stop thinking that everyone is superficial and fake and that you're the only 'real' one in the universe, or that they have the right to think of you any less than them.
Neither of you have that right.
You are here. They are here. I am here.
It doesn't matter what skin colour you are, or what gender you are or whether you like boys or girls or both. It doesn't matter if you believe in a god or not, or if you're uncertain. It doesn't matter if you are covered in tattoos or not, or if you love books or hate books, or if you're afraid of heights or aren't but wish you were.
Stop apologizing.
Stop screaming.
Think about what you're saying before you say it. Think about what you are doing before you do it.  
You choose how you respond, you choose your destiny, and you choose your reality.
So breathe and feel alive while you're alive. Laugh and love and get hurt. There's nothing wrong with living as who you are.
You are allowed to be.
They are allowed to be.
I am allowed to be.
We are allowed to be

You will be a gift at your best and someone who needs a shoulder to lean on when you are at your worst.
Let yourself see.
Let them see.
Let me see.
Let us see.

if i told you
that i loved you
would you stay
or would you leave

the moon hangs
so heavily
over your dark hair
eyes lit up
by the halo
of the tides'

i don't want to forget
the feeling
of your fingertips
or your lips
searing the curve
of my neck

when you smile
my heart is flung
into an empty sky
it shatters
and you pull me
closer
as we watch
it
the rain
staining the edges
of our window panes

if you won't love me
then please hate me

i don't want
your indifference

it would be a complement
to be hated by you

you say
that i'm a hurricane
and i think i'm rain
but really
i wish i was just the drizzle
falling slowly
from the sky
afraid to let go
until i land
on his cheeks

who would stand outside
during a hurricane?
how would i find him?

who would stand without
an umbrella
or undercover
during rain
how would i land on him?

smother me
with the sadness
in your eyes

grey and heavy
like the words
i can't stop
from falling out

feathers
hide in my lungs
bright scarlet
and i
can't let them come out
and reassure you

there should be
a cure
for loving you

but there
isn't

only sadness
and longing
so loud
like the strums
of a guitar
next to
the quietest setting sun

can't you
forgive me
the way i could have
forgiven you?

mist
around my ankles
carried by the wind
falling with the leaves

I am drowning
in the cool
beauty

watching a white sky
how can you say
it's empty
calling it your fading soul

I hear cracking leaves
beneath your heavy feet
see the world
resting on the shoulders
over me
the words your murmur
warm
into my tumbling hair
do not belong
to me

catching your haunted
eyes
vulnerable
you make me look at you
when you turn away

I smell the earth
and green on your smooth skin
feel you wanting me
your hands moving further and further
away from my mind
closer to my heart
just below

I see
the end
your dark hair against the full sky
eyes closed
my fingers trace letters
over old trees

he was like a suicide
falling apart
at my wrist

shattered glass
on the floor
saving my mirror

i don't want
to be remembered
forever

tell me again
how we don't see
what we feel

just agree with me
frowning
shallow words
orange
purple
i begin to dislike
these colours

i only reserve hate
for the things i love

stop it
you stopped caring
you notice me
the way you want me
to be
perfect
small
emancipating

heaviness
sadness
you say
i worry too much

you protect me
too much
your ears covered
already
cover your eyes too

This is my train
I'm leaving, and I don't know
Where to

Catch my hand
In your own
The only word I know
Is goodbye

Eyes locking into mine
I used to think
I would never look away

But now I do
And the world moves past
Like the fluttering of pages
in the wind
A book left under the tree
With the smallest heart
The one you drew
While you were watching me

And I don't cross it out
As I follow the map
Of the stars
Whose constellations
Once echoed
On your cool skin

I end up
In a place where I can lie still
Underneath the grey rain
And close my eyes
Sinking into
Perfect
Nothingness
And the shadows
I see

Darling,
There's nothing as beautiful
As the questions
Forming in their echo
With no answer