guilt is what I feel late at night
constantly complaining
of the loneliness I feel

look at the night sky
observe all the stars
they're so far apart

their separated
from their loved ones
never to meet again

they're forced to see what hurts them
seeing all of each other
but never allowed to hug each other

imagine if humans
had to live like stars
and be at least 10 feet apart

next time you want to complain
be thankful that you're not a star
and you never have to be apart

will you offer me...

   an ear
to listen to my hopes
   my dreams
     and my fears
    eyes
to see beyond what is placed before you
into the depths that make me
who i am
   arms
to hold me when i am afraid
   light
to replace the darkness
that sometimes envelopes me
    an open mind
to accept things about me
you don't understand
    your soul
so that i can hide out there
when i need to be alone
                          with you
    & your heart
so i know that i am safe
without questioning
                         the reason why

give these things to me
and i will give you all that i am

i promise.

I wish I could write about you but there is no you.

I wish I could sink into your ribcage and infiltrate your lungs so you can't breathe in anything but me. I wish I could trace the lines in your palms where the earth separated millions of years ago. I wish I could feel your heartbeat as sporadic as lightning. I wish I could hear your laugh as rhythmic as the chirping of birds. I wish I could love your irregularities but there is no you.

there's a shadow that follows her
she knows not why
so she's been using it
for comfort
like an old blanket
that keeps her warm
on the coldest of nights
it cannot be stamped out
     or smothered
and
it never leaves
through the brightest day
and the darkest night
it envelopes her
holding on
like a stubborn child
not wanting to let go
so...
she's accepted it
lives with it
and goes about her days
with the heavy burden of that shadow
clinging to her back
   weakening her
slowly bringing her down

but because she knows nothing else
it has become a part of her
that may never leave.

I didn't want
I didn't want to begin with
I didn't want this
I remember the days before I was born,
the great nothings of that time are branded,
seared and scarred
into my mind
I didn't want days
I didn't mind the nothing
It was quite pleasant, if I recall correctly
that grey nonexistence
that black nothing
I didn't want all these somethings
I didn't want at all

It was comforting.
But the questions hurt
and the wanting came suddenly, harshly
and it will never leave
we are beings of want
beings of try and try again

I don't want to try
I don't try to want
I try
I want

Did you want to be alive?
Did you try to be born?
Did you choose existence?

I know I didn't.
It was forced upon me.

Curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor I never could've imagined myself putting on such a per-form-ance.
Tears smothering my face as I hide it beneath my own hands I'm blinded, no one truly will ever understand my feelings and that kills me for some unpleasant reason to be understood is what I'm needing.
Tell me why are we humans so arrogant and selfish at times? In the end we all do what we truly want there is no one out there who surrenders for love not even the most dedicated of love birds would do such an exquisite task. Because truthfully we're all wearing a mask.
*or at least that's what we want you to believe.