"Oh how the tables have turned," I say to myself,
my mind can't escape the thought of you with somebody else.
So I've clung on for dear life,
hoping and praying you will not once again
stab me with your knife.
Who am I kidding,
you wouldn't think twice.
But even if you did it,
I'd lick the blood clean
and take the next slice.
Why is my heart on fire for you the most
when you treat me like one you've never held close?
I've said I was done more than a thousand times
but somehow I've still held on, way past our prime.
My heart whispered you're not the one,
but I didn't let you know,
perhaps afraid that you'd really let me go.
I've questioned myself, a million times or two
about if this could all really be true.
Could it be you?
Could I be wrong?
Or is this just a way in which I prolong?
There was a time when I could see us walking down the aisle,
my eyes swell with tears, your mouth a sweet smile.
I never knew how to let you down easy,
but I knew I couldn't let you go.
Who I am without you,
I really don't know.
But our souls dance together, so beautifully entwined
until the next fire breaks down the vine.
Just when I thought we built something back,
your soft spot for me slips through the crack.
I can't blame you,
I've been there before too.
Maybe this is what you're really meant to do.
They say the truth is hard to swallow,
a pain in which only I must wallow.
Maybe we'll meet again someday soon.
Or maybe we won't,
and that's okay too.

i couldnt say whether it happened overnight
or over the time span of a year
but it all started when
i stayed in a motel room
one i barely knew
one that sure knew how to treat its guests
it said there was no vacancy
but i dont play by the rules
at first it felt nice to get away but
i got myself into a room so fast i had to do a double take
however, at the time i liked what i saw
and it quickly became a new home
the cigarette smoke that once made me nauseous
now enticed me
i didnt even mind the mattress
as long as i was in the owners arms
i thought it was a perfect fit
but the room started to get dim
i started to turn the **** for months
not realizing i didnt have the keys
i didnt have control
so i tore up curtains
and kicked at the walls
never too hard
always sure to patch it up
but the motel had enough problems
and didnt need a flaw in its business
so my stay was up
but the vacancy inside me wasnt
and it was then my sheets that became scratchy
my hair that smelt like cigarette smoke
you see,
i left the motel
but the motel never left me

They say
He is perfect
Though she
Will always leave

they talk love up,
not the kind that is guaranteed
the one you have to find
not the one you're sworn in by.
the electric buzz of your hand moving a strand of my hair
the smile you couldn't keep hidden away
made me believe in magic
but i should know better
someone that can bring you that high up
can sure as hell bring you down that low
your eyes don't sparkle like they used to
****, you barely even look at me
is it too painful
or is it because you don't want to see my eyes longing for you
like the sun longs for the moon
but they can never be together
you said you'd never hurt me
maybe you cant take the guilt
you hunch your shoulders to take up less space
but somehow act bigger
why kick a girl when shes already down
don't you know
i would water a dead flower for years
if it meant i could see color again
when i speak your name
i need something to get the bad taste out of my mouth
the language of love is now bitter
we fell apart in the winter
as everything died
i was the last leaf clinging to your branch
not even the wind was enough to shake me
but you were tired of trying
you told me i needed to stop my bad habits
not realizing that you were my worst one
i poured all my love into you
but you were still left empty
you craved a different kind of substance
and now
so do i.

the flowers are blooming
but droop so fast
my mind and body do not match
i ache for understanding
flashing signs of low battery
no energy left to act happy
or to fake a smile
he shakes my hand
and says congratulations
a routine to such people
im nothing special
does it really mean anything
if the paper could be ripped in an instant
or burned to grey ash
just a shade lighter than my soul
dont cry for me
you dont want to feel this
everything seems like a lie
the ambiance is alive but i want to die
because its hard to believe they love me
when i dont love myself
and its hard to believe they're proud of me
when im not proud of myself

a match ignites
my mind is dry
it catches like a forest fire
eyes gleam with flames
the opposite of passion
melting everything i love
lips cracked
throat tight
my skin is a body bag
my bed is a morgue
strapped down inside
body paralyzed
an electrical shortage in my head
what once made me free
now drags me down
bound to my inner most hatred
i place the chemical under my tongue
an inch of bitter
just to experience color again
i sacrifice being present in a tangible moment
by trying to capture it behind a lens
because i'm scared it won't happen again
or maybe i'm scared it will
and i want to be prepared
but you can't be ready for everything
there's no drill that would've helped me through this pain
i super glue the blinds shut over my mind
and keep away the antifreeze from my heart
there hasn't been a rainbow in awhile
just rain
and you broke my umbrella
i never hold my breath while passing a cemetery
the only difference between them and me
is they have a final resting place

Damaged good are always on sale
In every store, whether resale or retail
No one wants something that’s broken down
Except for when they see that certain person walking around town.
She is shattered and mangled, but not on the surface
A beautiful sight, her eyes lit like a furnace.
She sells herself, but not for ***
What’s given away is more complex.
The idea of being wanted is too far gone,
Like her dignity which left her for so long.
So she lives her life always seeming distraught,
But really it’s only because of her thoughts.
They consume her mind and swallow her whole,
And every day it takes its toll.
She is worn and broken, and it’s clear to see
What once was so beautiful, wild, and free
Is now in the past, she can’t help but reminisce
The days that were once so grand and full of bliss.
She gave up when she gazed in the mirror,
Seeing what couldn’t be any clearer.
She’s still the same person that she once was,
Except now she’s in the prison which does
Consume her mind, her heart, and intent
For her sins she feels she must repent.
Her past is one that no one would yearn,
And to this day the thought still burns.
If not for that single mistake
Then to this day his heart wouldn’t have a break.
She sold herself, but nothing is new
For it has happened to all of us a time or two.
We sell ourselves short in all that we do,
But what we must remember is that there are very few
People in this world that remain pure and true.
All the rest are damaged at best,
And in the end it’s what separates them from the rest.
I discount myself, but I will never be sold
On any ideas that I have ever been told.
When I get put down, what people don’t realize is that I have already found
The worst critic on this planet, the one sitting down
Writing this poem and filling your thoughts,
Making you feel like that damaged box.